Not anymore.
"Where better to start being someone else than in a place that doesn't exist?" With a newfound bloom of warmth inside me, I lift the medallion. "You're next."
I trust you. The Shadow Knight's steady declaration was part of the reason I didn't sleep well last night. He did what Jason, Tracey, and others have never done in my life - believed in me - and instead of being grateful, I did what I always do: freaked out, assumed I'd fail, and ended up letting him down anyway.
I feel like I owe him to try.
I also feel like I owe me to try. I've never been particularly secure about who I am, always down on my looks, low paying job, lack of a life, thunder thighs, general apathy about my future, you name it. I feel safest when I'm lost in a book because there's no one to judge or reject me. Last night, huddled in his arms, I decided to do what was right instead of being swept away. The sense I need to take control of my life, to start living it on my own terms, is gaining ground. I set limits with the sexiest man alive; I can make this damn thing work.
Shifting to get comfortable, I continue to gaze at the medallion. The scene of the battle-witch cursing the realm replays in my thoughts. She had been so strong and sure of herself, the opposite of me. The man she loved had just been struck down and she was running on pure adrenaline. There is more about her than her depth of emotion that makes me envious.
Self-assurance. She didn't doubt her ability to command the medallion; she owned that shit. She had a man as powerful as the Shadow Knight at her feet, devoted enough to give her all the magic in the world. A woman like that doesn't hide in trees like I always have.
A woman like that gets what she wants, even the sexy Knight of a non-existent world.
I close my eyes to concentrate. There are patterns when the medallion sparked to life: when I'm in mortal danger, when the Shadow Knight is, and when we both are. Danger is the common thread, but it's not clear why it operates sometimes and not at all other times.
Danger and . . . what? There's got to be another factor. With the arrogance of a man who rules a kingdom, the Shadow Knight seemed to think provoking me was the right way to force the magic to work.
I think there's something different at work here. A shield to protect me, a shock to prevent him from losing his head, flattening an army, a lift for both of us out of the falling tower.