His honesty smashed her. She'd felt more for him than he did for her. Until this moment, she was never able believe it. The way he spoke to her now was like a million paper cuts all over her heart. Pity? Schoolgirl crush?
"I cared about you, Ash, but not the way you wanted me to," he added. "What you're doing is too dangerous. I'm the Black God, Ash. My duty comes first and I won't let you make yourself a target over something that shouldn't have meant this much to you to begin with."
Her throat was too tight to respond. Of everything she'd ever expected to hear from him, this wasn't it. His admittance that he had cared about her - but not enough - was so much more devastating than she imagined anything he could say would be.
"Leave the vamps alone or I'll have to do something we'll both regret," he continued firmly.
She drew a shaky breath. It had been a while since she had the urge to cry like she did now. If he had said he loved her, if he'd had claimed he hadn't cared at all, she'd find this more bearable. But to say he'd cared and it wasn't enough - she wasn't enough … She had to leave before she broke down and sobbed.
"Okay. Thank you." She turned away and began walking, hugging herself. Had it hurt this much when he crushed her originally?
"Ash …" Rare warmth was in his voice.
"I understand, Jonny. I'm done," she said without stopping. It's over. For real this time. She had gotten the answer to the question tormenting her and yet felt defeated by it.
Numbed by her emotion, she ended up walking home instead of taking the bus. She arrived shortly after midnight to find Brandon in his seat on the couch. He was playing video games this time and glanced up when she closed the door.
"I have a schedule for your hunting," he said.
"I'm not going." Her words were lost in an explosion of some kind in his game.
"What?"
"I said, I'm not going!" She leaned over the back of the couch and wrapped her arms around him. "I love you, Brandon. Like really love you not fake love you. You know that, right?"
"Can't return fire," he complained and wriggled his arm free so he could maneuver the mouse.
"I love you anyway. Even when you're wearing too much cologne." Her nose wrinkled.
"I'm not wearing too much!"
Whatever. She needed a hug after her night and held him until he complained too much for her to stand.