I didn't know how to answer.
"It will," he said, reading my features.
I withdrew from his embrace and hugged myself. I could mute any of my twenty first century judgments of this era - except for excessive violence and death. That switch just wouldn't go out. I moved away to keep his scent from teasing me back into his arms, trying to negotiate with my conscience.
I didn't want this to cost me Batu. I didn't want anything to cost me Batu.
"You wish me to bend my will," he said quietly. "Are you willing to bend yours?"
"What do you mean?" I asked, meeting his gaze again. I was four feet from him and felt like it was a million miles. I ached to be close to him.
He was hard to read, except that he was intent and his tone measured. "You once swore never to marry again after Taylor. I would like you to be my wife."
The words floored me. The idea hadn't crossed my mind at any point during our tryst. Coming from any other man, it might sound like blackmail. But I knew what he was doing: compromising in his unique way.
What left me breathless: marrying Batu didn't elicit the reaction I expected. As before, there was no tiny voice urging me to refuse, no resistance whatsoever in my thoughts. It made little sense to me that I was not only considering his proposition after swearing I'd never let down my guard again, but thrilled by it.
To spare the man who hurt me, all I had to do was marry Batu. I chewed on it for a moment before realizing it wasn't just his uncle's looming death that bothered me. It was the potential death of every man who crossed our paths from here on out.
Because I was here for good. I understood this better now, even if there were some nights when a whisper of hope of seeing my home again flickered to life. If I were to stay with Batu forever, then this … issue had to be resolved now. I prepared what I wanted to say. My insides churned with fear he'd reject my request or view me as not worth the sacrifice.
"You know how … why I swore the oath never to marry again," I started. "I am willing to bend my will, Batu. But in return, I need your will to be bent on an issue related to your uncle's fate but not directly. I want to ask you not to kill unless necessary. I do not ask you to forsake your duty as a warrior or to dishonor yourself, but to kill only when absolutely warranted, when disarming or disabling is not enough, when mercy means one of us is at risk."