All through the remainder of the play he sat as one stunned, scarcely
removing his eyes from the glittering stage, yet seeing nothing there
excepting her. He could not later have recalled a single scene.
Between the acts he conversed rationally enough with those about him,
congratulating her people upon the brilliant success of the evening,
and warmly commending the work of the Star. Yet this was all
mechanical, automatic, his mind scarcely realizing its own action.
She never glanced in that direction again; during all the four acts not
once did she permit her eyes to rest upon their box. The others may
not have noticed the omission, but he did, his interpretation of the
action becoming a pain. It served to strengthen the resolve which was
taking possession of him. He noticed, also, that she played
feverishly, vehemently, not with that quiet restraint, that promise of
reserve power, always so noticeable in the old days. It caused him to
realize that she was working upon her nerves, holding herself up to the
strain by the sheer strength of will. The papers the next day
commented upon this, hinting at nervousness, at exhilaration consequent
upon so notable a greeting. But Winston knew the cause better--he knew
the spectre which had so suddenly risen before her, turning her white
and frightened at the very moment of supreme triumph. There, in front
of them all, under the full glare of the lights, herself the very focus
of thousands of eyes, she had been compelled to fight down her heart,
and win a victory greater than that of the actress. In that instant
she had conquered herself, had trodden, smiling and confident, over the
awakened memories of the past.
After the curtain had fallen--fallen and lifted, again and again, to
permit of her standing in the glare, smiling happily, and kissing her
hands toward the enthusiastic multitude--he passed out with the others,
still partially dazed, his mind remaining undecided, irresolute. With
the cool night air fanning his cheeks as their car rolled southward,
clearer consciousness came back, bringing with it firmer resolve. She
had not wanted him; in all those years there had not come from her a
single word. Now, on this night of her triumph, in the midst of family
rejoicing, he had no part. It had all been a mistake, a most unhappy
mistake, yet he would do now everything in his power to remedy it. His
further presence should not be allowed to detract from her happiness,
should not continue to embarrass her. The past between them was dead;
undoubtedly she wished it dead. Very well, then, he would help her to
bury it, now and forever. Not through any neglect on his part should
that past ever again rise up to haunt her in the hour of success. She
had discovered her ideal, she had attained to the height of her
ambition. She should be left to enjoy the victory undisturbed. Within
the hotel rotunda, under the multicolored lights, he halted Craig,
hurrying forward to a conference with the steward.