"Funny thing shame is. I had been behaving badly and aware of it in a
way, but I didn't feel really ashamed till the fright of being found out
in my honourable occupation drove me from it. I slunk away to the
forward end of the poop and lounged about there, my face and ears burning
and glad it was a dark night, expecting every moment to hear the
captain's footsteps behind me. For I made sure he was coming on deck.
Presently I thought I had rather meet him face to face and I walked
slowly aft prepared to see him emerge from the companion before I got
that far. I even thought of his having detected me by some means. But
it was impossible, unless he had eyes in the top of his head. I had
never had a view of his face down there. It was impossible; I was safe;
and I felt very mean, yet, explain it as you may, I seemed not to care.
And the captain not appearing on deck, I had the impulse to go on being
mean. I wanted another peep. I really don't know what was the beastly
influence except that Mr. Franklin's talk was enough to demoralize any
man by raising a sort of unhealthy curiosity which did away in my case
with all the restraints of common decency.
"I did not mean to run the risk of being caught squatting in a suspicious
attitude by the captain. There was also the helmsman to consider. So
what I did--I am surprised at my low cunning--was to sit down naturally
on the skylight-seat and then by bending forward I found that, as I
expected, I could look down through the upper part of the end-pane. The
worst that could happen to me then, if I remained too long in that
position, was to be suspected by the seaman aft at the wheel of having
gone to sleep there. For the rest my ears would give me sufficient
warning of any movements in the companion.
"But in that way my angle of view was changed. The field too was
smaller. The end of the table, the tray and the swivel-chair I had right
under my eyes. The captain had not come back yet. The piano I could not
see now; but on the other hand I had a very oblique downward view of the
curtains drawn across the cabin and cutting off the forward part of it
just about the level of the skylight-end and only an inch or so from the
end of the table. They were heavy stuff, travelling on a thick brass rod
with some contrivance to keep the rings from sliding to and fro when the
ship rolled. But just then the ship was as still almost as a model shut
up in a glass case while the curtains, joined closely, and, perhaps on
purpose, made a little too long moved no more than a solid wall."