However, on second thoughts, as his passion for her seemed to reinforce her own draw, she wasn’t displeased with his disclosure. Besides, the feeling of being loved by him seemed to please her vanity as well.
‘Why, won’t it feel nice to be loved, to be wanted,’ she thought with a feeling of satisfaction. ‘In a way, I too like him, don’t I? But it’s not the way for him to have his way. Oh, it must be really hard on him, the poor man. And don’t I understand how miserable it could be for him? Can’t I see his plight in the light of my own pain? But how can it be helped?’
‘But, I can’t be expected to soothe every man who craves for my body, could I?’ she analyzed her predicament. ‘Maybe, I should’ve welcomed him, if only I’m not myself in love. Seems misplaced love is wasteful for it serves no purpose, save massaging the ego of the one who is loved. Perhaps, it’s another dirty trick of fate on my life - to keep the love I need hanging in the fire, and throwing in my lap the passion that doesn’t help.’
Perceiving herself in the same boat with Prasad, she was overcome with pity for him. ‘Am I not guilty in abetting his love with my flirtation, even though unwittingly?’ she thought about her own contribution to his woes. ‘Maybe, but how have I failed to notice his suffering, when he’s supposed to be in such a turmoil. Is he not play-acting love to worm his way into my heart? Isn’t it strange that the emotions of love and the afflictions of lust are look-alike, bewildering women from discerning the lover from a seducer and unfortunately for them the language of love and the dialect of lust have a common alphabet causing this confusion.’
‘Why not I test him to know his true character?’ it occurred to her at length. ‘If he were trying to pull a fast one on me, won’t he get his just deserts then? But what if he were genuinely in love with me? But, that would only compound his misery without me rewarding him in the end. Won’t that make it all so unfair to him? It is better he unfolds himself by and by. If his feelings are genuine, won’t I let him taste the affection of my love on the platonic plane?’
‘Why all that, why not I nip it in the bud, and be done with him,’ she began to think. ‘Then won’t I need to take Sathyam into confidence for that? Besides embarrassing Prasad, that would hurt Sathyam as well. Moreover, who knows, both of them may put part of the blame on me, and shame me in the process. It’s better that I handle him myself.’