Threshold of Temptation
Back in Sathyam’s arms on her return, Roopa felt as though she landed in the lap of reality after her reign in the realms of fantasy.
‘Isn’t he lucky in a way?’ she thought that night, lying beside Sathyam, who was asleep by then. ‘While he airs his dreams freely, I’m forced to bury my fulfillment at the bottom of my heart. Oh, whom can I tell how happy I’m in our lesbian love? What a paradox! Wasn’t it he that triggered my libido to explode in Sandhya’s embrace. But for that weak moment, could I ever have tasted the sweetness of a woman’s love in lovemaking!’
‘Is the same-sex syndrome abnormal?’ she asked herself. ‘What’s the yardstick to judge it? Why, both of us have that innate want, and suffer when we can’t have it. And when we make it, don’t we go to the depths of sexual delight and reach the heights of sensual ecstasy? Won’t our souls merge with our bodies to communicate our mutual craving in lovemaking? Love is our life-force, isn’t it?’
‘That we’re able to enjoy sex without guilt makes it normal after all,’ she seemed to feel at ease with her libido. ‘Maybe, woman could truly experience the beauty of femininity in lesbian lovemaking! Whatever, my same-sex fondness in no way hampers my weakness for the male embrace, does it? It should be no different for Sandhya when she gets her man, so what’s the hitch in being bisexual? It’s a different matter though that Sathyam fails to inspire love in me. Am I not the loser as my life is devoid of all that goes with loving a he-man?’
The mysterious thought of man’s love mystified her soul. Her intimacy with Sandhya and her exposure to Sathyam enabled her to visualize what was lacking in her womanly life. The more she valued her mate’s fondness for her, the cure for her melancholy, she was even more dissatisfied with her husband, which insensibly increased her innate craving for an enticing man of her own, and that made her daydream about him.
Roopa didn’t wake up until Yadamma came at nine and as Sathyam was about to leave by then, she said, ‘Why didn’t you wake me up?’
‘Where was the need?’ he said affectionately. ‘Let’s go for a movie in the evening. I will ask Ramu and Meera to join us. Be sure you’re ready by the time I come home.’
‘I’m sorry,’ she said apologetically. ‘You’ve to do without the lunch-box today.’