The congregation of St Blank's Church was rendered sad and solicitous
by learning that its rector was on the eve of nervous prostration,
and that his physician had ordered a change of air. He went away in
company with his mother for a vacation of three months. The day
after his departure Joy Irving received a letter from him which read
as follows:-
"My Dear Miss Irving,--You may not in your deep grief have given me a
thought. If such a thought has been granted one so unworthy, it must
have taken the form of surprise that your rector and friend has made
no call of condolence since death entered your household. I want to
write one little word to you, asking you to be lenient in your
judgment of me. I am ill in body and mind. I feel that I am on the
eve of some distressing malady. I am not able to reason clearly, or
to judge what is right and what is wrong. I am as one tossed between
the laws of God and the laws made by men, and bruised in heart and in
soul. I dare not see you or speak to you while I am in this state of
mind. I fear for what I may say or do. I have not slept since I
last saw you. I must go away and gain strength and equilibrium.
When I return I shall hope to be master of myself. Until then,
adieu. "ARTHUR EMERSON STUART."
These wild and incoherent phrases stirred the young girl's heart with
intense pain and anxiety. She had known for almost a year that she
loved the young rector; she had believed that he cared for her, and
without allowing herself to form any definite thoughts of the future,
she had lived in a blissful consciousness of loving and being loved,
which is to the fulfilment of a love dream, like inhaling the perfume
of a rose, compared to the gathered flower and its attending thorns.
The young clergyman's absence at the time of her greatest need had
caused her both wonder and pain. His letter but increased both
sentiments without explaining the cause.
It increased, too, her love for him, for whenever over-anxiety is
aroused for one dear to us, our love is augmented.
She felt that the young man was in some great trouble, unknown to
her, and she longed to be able to comfort him. Into the maiden's
tender and ardent affection stole the wifely wish to console and the
motherly impulse to protect her dear one from pain, which are strong
elements in every real woman's love.