A year was a long time, and Eliot had to consider the probability of his
going out to Central Africa with Sir Martin Crozier to investigate
sleeping sickness. He wanted the thing settled one way or another before
he went.
He put it off again till the next week-end. And in the meanwhile Sir
Martin Crozier had seen him. He was starting in the spring and Eliot was
to go with him.
It was on Sunday evening that he spoke to Anne, sitting with her under
the beeches at the top of the field where she and Jerrold had sat
together. Eliot had chosen his place badly.
"I wouldn't bother you so soon if I wasn't going away, but I simply
must--must know--"
"Must know what?"
"Whether you care for me at all. Not much, of course, but just enough
not to hate marrying me."
Anne turned her face full on him and looked at him with her innocent,
candid eyes. And all she said was, "You _do_ know about Jerrold, don't
you?"
"Oh God, yes. I know all about him."
"He's why I can't."
"I tell you, I know all about Jerrold. He isn't a good enough reason."
"Good enough for me."
"Not unless--" But he couldn't say it.
"Not unless he cares for me. That's why you're asking me, then, because
you know he doesn't."
"Well, it wouldn't be much good if I knew he did."
"Eliot, it's awful of me to talk about it, as if he'd said he did. He
never said a word. He never will."
"I'm afraid he won't, Anne."
"Don't imagine I ever thought he would. He never did anything to make me
think it for a minute, really."
"Are you quite sure he didn't?"
"Quite sure. I made it all up out of my head. My silly head. I don't
care what you think of me so long as you don't think it was Jerry's
fault. I should go on caring for him whatever he did or didn't do."
"I know you would. But it's possible--"
"To care for two people and marry one of them, no matter which? It isn't
possible for me. If I can't have the person I want I won't have
anybody."
"It isn't wise, Anne. I tell you I could make you care for me. I know
all about you. I know how you think and how you feel. I understand you
better than Jerrold does. You'd be happy with me and you'd be safe."
"It's no use. I'd rather be unhappy and in danger if it was with
Jerrold."
"You'll be unhappy and in danger without him."
"I don't care. Besides, I shan't be. I shall work. You'll work, too.
It'll be so exciting that you'll soon forget all about me."