I do not know how I got through with the business of that day. Even
in my weakness I was possessed of a singular degree of strength.
I saw Kingsley, Wharton, and all of the parties whom we met the
day before. We came to a final decision on the subject of Kingsley's
claims; I took down the heads of several papers which were to be
drawn up; the terms of sale and transfer, bounds and characteristics
of the land to be conveyed; and engaged in the discussion of the
various topics which were involved in these transactions, with as
keen a sense of business, I suspect, as any among them. The habit
of suppressing my feelings availed me sufficiently under the present
circumstances.
Kingsley said nothing on the subject of yesterday's
adventure, nor was I in the mood to refer to it. With some effort
I was cheerful; spoke freely of indifferent topics, and pleased
myself with the idea of my own firmness, while persuading my hearers
of my good humor and my legal ability. I do not deny that I paid
for these proofs of stoicism. Who does not? There is no such thing
as suppressing passions which are already in action--at least, there
is no such thing as suppressing them long. If the summer tempest
keeps off to-day it will come to-morrow, and its force and volume
is always in due proportion to the delay in its utterance. The
solitudes of the forest heard my groans and agonies when man did
not--and the venom which I kept from my lips, overflowed and poisoned
the very sources of life and happiness within my heart.
I gave the letter to Julia without a word. She did not look at me
while extending the hand to receive it, and hurried to her chamber
without breaking the seal. I watched her departing form with a vague,
painful emotion of inquiry, such as would possess the bosom of one,
looking on a dear object, with whom he felt that a disruption was
hourly threatened of every earthly tie. That day she ate no dinner.
Her brow was clouded throughout the meal. Edgerton was present,
seemingly as well as at his first arrival. I had learned casually
from Mrs. Porterfield that he had been in our little parlor all
the morning; while another remark from the good old lady gave me
a new idea of the employment of my wife.
"This writing," said she, addressing the latter, "does your eyes
no good. Indeed they look as if you had been crying over your task."
"What writing?" I asked, looking at Julia, She blushed, but said
nothing, and the blush passed off, leaving the sadness more distinct
than ever.
"Oh, she has been writing whole sheets for the last two mornings.
I went in this morning to bring her out to assist me in entertaining
Mr. Edgerton, who looked so lonesome; and I do assure you I thought
at first, from the quantity of writing, that you had given her some
of your law-papers to do. The table was covered with it."