I reassured her on this point. There is a much more persuasive eloquence
in the heart than in the vain deductions of logic. During this
extraordinary scene, in which my poor Kondjé-Gul's mind was alarmed by
the conflict going on between her own beliefs and what she knew of our
society, I was quite sincere in my illusions concerning the moral
compromise which, I fancied, was imposed upon me as an absolute duty.
Singular as it may all appear to you, I had already been subjected too
long to the influence of the harem not to have become gradually
permeated by the Oriental ideas. The tie which bound me to Kondjé-Gul
had acquired a kind of sacred and legitimate character in my eyes.
However this may have been, her revelation disclosed an impending
danger. It was clear to me that the news of the marriage arranged
between Anna Campbell and myself could only have reached Madame Murrah
through Kiusko. His relationship with my aunt had made him a member of
our family, and he had been acquainted with our projects. I could easily
understand that his jealous instincts had penetrated one side of the
secret between Kondjé and myself. He had at least guessed that she loved
me, and that I was an obstacle to the attainment of his desires. He was
following up his object. He wished to destroy Kondjé-Gul's hopes in
advance, by showing her that I was engaged to marry another.
With my present certitude of his mean devices, I began to wonder whether
everything had been already let out through slips of the tongue made by
Madame Murrah, in the course of those interviews which he had obtained
with her either by chance or by appointment. For several days past I
fancied I had remarked in him an increased reserve of manner. It was
possible that, being convinced now of the futility of his hopes, his
only object henceforth was to revenge himself on his rival by at least
disturbing his feeling of security.
Yes! you are quite right: I love her! Why should you imagine I would
wish to deny it, or dissemble it as a weakness? Did I ever tell you that
the consequence of indulgence in the pleasures of harem loves would be
to drown the heart, the soul, and the aspirations towards the ideal for
the sole advantage of the senses? Where you seem to see the defeat of
one vanquished, I find the triumph of my happiness and the enchantment
of a dream which I am realizing during my waking hours. Compare with
this secret and charming bond of union which attaches me to Kondjé-Gul,
the prosaic and vulgar character of those common intrigues which one
cynically permits the whole world to observe, or of those illicit
connections which the hypocritical remnant of virtue with us constrains
us to conceal, like crimes, in the darkness. Deceptive frenzies they
are, the enjoyment of which always involves of necessity the degradation
of the woman and the contempt of the lover! You may preach and dogmatise
as much as you like in your endeavours to uphold the superiority of our
habits over those of the East, which you declare to be barbarous; you
will never succeed in doing anything more than entangling yourself in
your own paradox.