So I resolved to unbosom myself to her. I told her the history of my
Lancashire marriage, and how both of us had been disappointed; how we
came together, and how we parted; how he absolutely discharged me, as
far as lay in him, free liberty to marry again, protesting that if he
knew it he would never claim me, or disturb or expose me; that I
thought I was free, but was dreadfully afraid to venture, for fear of
the consequences that might follow in case of a discovery.
Then I told her what a good offer I had; showed her my friend's two
last letters, inviting me to come to London, and let her see with what
affection and earnestness they were written, but blotted out the name,
and also the story about the disaster of his wife, only that she was
dead.
She fell a-laughing at my scruples about marrying, and told me the
other was no marriage, but a cheat on both sides; and that, as we were
parted by mutual consent, the nature of the contract was destroyed, and
the obligation was mutually discharged. She had arguments for this at
the tip of her tongue; and, in short, reasoned me out of my reason; not
but that it was too by the help of my own inclination.
But then came the great and main difficulty, and that was the child;
this, she told me in so many words, must be removed, and that so as
that it should never be possible for any one to discover it. I knew
there was no marrying without entirely concealing that I had had a
child, for he would soon have discovered by the age of it that it was
born, nay, and gotten too, since my parley with him, and that would
have destroyed all the affair.
But it touched my heart so forcibly to think of parting entirely with
the child, and, for aught I knew, of having it murdered, or starved by
neglect and ill-usage (which was much the same), that I could not think
of it without horror. I wish all those women who consent to the
disposing their children out of the way, as it is called, for decency
sake, would consider that 'tis only a contrived method for murder; that
is to say, a-killing their children with safety.
It is manifest to all that understand anything of children, that we are
born into the world helpless, and incapable either to supply our own
wants or so much as make them known; and that without help we must
perish; and this help requires not only an assisting hand, whether of
the mother or somebody else, but there are two things necessary in that
assisting hand, that is, care and skill; without both which, half the
children that are born would die, nay, though they were not to be
denied food; and one half more of those that remained would be cripples
or fools, lose their limbs, and perhaps their sense. I question not
but that these are partly the reasons why affection was placed by
nature in the hearts of mothers to their children; without which they
would never be able to give themselves up, as 'tis necessary they
should, to the care and waking pains needful to the support of their
children.