This fit of crying held me near two hours, and, as I believe, held me
till they were all out of the world, and then a most humble, penitent,
serious kind of joy succeeded; a real transport it was, or passion of
joy and thankfulness, but still unable to give vent to it by words, and
in this I continued most part of the day.
In the evening the good minister visited me again, and then fell to his
usual good discourses. He congratulated my having a space yet allowed
me for repentance, whereas the state of those six poor creatures was
determined, and they were now past the offers of salvation; he
earnestly pressed me to retain the same sentiments of the things of
life that I had when I had a view of eternity; and at the end of all
told me I should not conclude that all was over, that a reprieve was
not a pardon, that he could not yet answer for the effects of it;
however, I had this mercy, that I had more time given me, and that it
was my business to improve that time.
This discourse, though very seasonable, left a kind of sadness on my
heart, as if I might expect the affair would have a tragical issue
still, which, however, he had no certainty of; and I did not indeed, at
that time, question him about it, he having said that he would do his
utmost to bring it to a good end, and that he hoped he might, but he
would not have me be secure; and the consequence proved that he had
reason for what he said.
It was about a fortnight after this that I had some just apprehensions
that I should be included in the next dead warrant at the ensuing
sessions; and it was not without great difficulty, and at last a humble
petition for transportation, that I avoided it, so ill was I beholding
to fame, and so prevailing was the fatal report of being an old
offender; though in that they did not do me strict justice, for I was
not in the sense of the law an old offender, whatever I was in the eye
of the judge, for I had never been before them in a judicial way
before; so the judges could not charge me with being an old offender,
but the Recorder was pleased to represent my case as he thought fit.
I had now a certainty of life indeed, but with the hard conditions of
being ordered for transportation, which indeed was hard condition in
itself, but not when comparatively considered; and therefore I shall
make no comments upon the sentence, nor upon the choice I was put to.
We shall all choose anything rather than death, especially when 'tis
attended with an uncomfortable prospect beyond it, which was my case.