But things were not come to their height with him, and I observed he
became pensive and melancholy; and in a word, as I thought, a little
distempered in his head. I endeavoured to talk him into temper, and to
reason him into a kind of scheme for our government in the affair, and
sometimes he would be well, and talk with some courage about it; but
the weight of it lay too heavy upon his thoughts, and, in short, it
went so far that he made attempts upon himself, and in one of them had
actually strangled himself and had not his mother come into the room in
the very moment, he had died; but with the help of a Negro servant she
cut him down and recovered him.
Things were now come to a lamentable height in the family. My pity for
him now began to revive that affection which at first I really had for
him, and I endeavoured sincerely, by all the kind carriage I could, to
make up the breach; but, in short, it had gotten too great a head, it
preyed upon his spirits, and it threw him into a long, lingering
consumption, though it happened not to be mortal. In this distress I
did not know what to do, as his life was apparently declining, and I
might perhaps have married again there, very much to my advantage; it
had been certainly my business to have stayed in the country, but my
mind was restless too, and uneasy; I hankered after coming to England,
and nothing would satisfy me without it.
In short, by an unwearied importunity, my husband, who was apparently
decaying, as I observed, was at last prevailed with; and so my own fate
pushing me on, the way was made clear for me, and my mother concurring,
I obtained a very good cargo for my coming to England.
When I parted with my brother (for such I am now to call him), we
agreed that after I arrived he should pretend to have an account that I
was dead in England, and so might marry again when he would. He
promised, and engaged to me to correspond with me as a sister, and to
assist and support me as long as I lived; and that if he died before
me, he would leave sufficient to his mother to take care of me still,
in the name of a sister, and he was in some respects careful of me,
when he heard of me; but it was so oddly managed that I felt the
disappointments very sensibly afterwards, as you shall hear in its time.