So, as I was saying, I have provided a new and more suitable dress, and
I long to appear in it, more than ever I did in any new clothes in
my life: for then I shall be soon after with you, and at ease in my
mind--But, mum! Here he comes, I believe.--I am, etc.
LETTER XXI
MY DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER,
I was forced to break off: for I feared my master was coming: but it
proved to be only Mrs. Jervis. She said, I can't endure you should be
so much by yourself, Pamela. And I, said I, dread nothing so much as
company; for my heart was up at my mouth now, for fear my master was
coming. But I always rejoice to see dear Mrs. Jervis.
Said she, I have had a world of talk with my master about you. I am
sorry for it, said I, that I am made of so much consequence as to be
talked of by him. O, said she, I must not tell you all; but you are of
more consequence to him than you think for---
Or wish for, said I; for the fruits of being of consequence to him,
would make me of none to myself, or any body else.
Said she, Thou art as witty as any lady in the land; I wonder where thou
gottest it. But they must be poor ladies, with such great opportunities,
I am sure, if they have no more wit than I.--But let that pass.
I suppose, said I, that I am of so much consequence, however, as to vex
him, if it be but to think he can't make a fool of such a one as I; and
that is nothing at all, but a rebuke to the pride of his high condition,
which he did not expect, and knows not how to put up with.
There is something in that, may be, said she: but, indeed, Pamela, he is
very angry with you too; and calls you twenty perverse things; wonders
at his own folly, to have shewn you so much favour, as he calls it;
which he was first inclined to, he says, for his mother's sake, and
would have persisted to shew you for your own, if you was not your own
enemy. Nay, now I shan't love you, Mrs. Jervis, said I; you are going to
persuade me to ask to stay, though you know the hazards I run.--No, said
she, he says you shall go; for he thinks it won't be for his reputation
to keep you: but he wished (don't speak of it for the world, Pamela,)
that he knew a lady of birth, just such another as yourself, in person
and mind, and he would marry her to-morrow.