'DEAR MRS. JERVIS, 'I have been vilely tricked, and, instead of being driven by Robin to
my dear father's, I am carried off, to where, I have no liberty to tell.
However, I am at present not used hardly, in the main; and write to beg
of you to let my dear father and mother (whose hearts must be well nigh
broken) know that I am well, and that I am, and, by the grace of God,
ever will he, their honest, as well as dutiful daughter, and 'Your obliged friend,
'PAMELA ANDREWS.' 'I must neither send date nor place; but have most solemn assurances
of honourable usage. This is the only time my low estate has been
troublesome to me, since it has subjected me to the frights I have
undergone. Love to your good self, and all my dear fellow-servants.
Adieu! adieu! but pray for poor PAMELA.'
This, though it quieted not entirely their apprehensions, was shewn to
the whole family, and to the gentleman himself, who pretended not to
know how it came; and Mrs. Jervis sent it away to the good old folks;
who at first suspected it was forged, and not their daughter's hand;
but, finding the contrary, they were a little easier to hear she was
alive and honest: and having inquired of all their acquaintance what
could be done, and no one being able to put them in a way how to
proceed, with effect, on so extraordinary an occasion, against so rich
and so resolute a gentleman; and being afraid to make matters worse,
(though they saw plainly enough, that she was in no bishop's family,
and so mistrusted all the rest of his story,) they applied themselves
to prayers for their poor daughter, and for an happy issue to an affair
that almost distracted them. We shall now leave the honest old pair praying for their dear Pamela,
and return to the account she herself gives of all this; having written
it journal-wise, to amuse and employ her time, in hopes some opportunity
might offer to send it to her friends; and, as was her constant view,
that she might afterwards thankfully look back upon the dangers she had
escaped, when they should be happily overblown, as in time she hoped
they would be; and that then she might examine, and either approve or
repent of her own conduct in them.
LETTER XXXII
O MY DEAREST FATHER AND MOTHER!
Let me write, and bewail my miserable hard fate, though I have no hope
how what I write can be conveyed to your hands!--I have now nothing to
do, but write and weep, and fear and pray! But yet what can I hope for,
when I seem to be devoted, as a victim to the will of a wicked violator
of all the laws of God and man!--But, gracious Heaven, forgive me my
rashness and despondency! O let me not sin against thee; for thou best
knowest what is fittest for thy poor handmaid!--And as thou sufferest
not thy poor creatures to be tempted above what they can bear, I will
resign myself to thy good pleasure: And still, I hope, desperate as my
condition seems, that as these trials are not of my own seeking, nor
the effects of my presumption and vanity, I shall be enabled to overcome
them, and, in God's own good time, be delivered from them. Thus do I pray imperfectly, as I am forced by my distracting fears and
apprehensions; and O join with me, my dear parents!--But, alas! how can
you know, how can I reveal to you, the dreadful situation of your poor
daughter! The unhappy Pamela may be undone (which God forbid, and sooner
deprive me of life!) before you can know her hard lot! O the unparalleled wickedness, stratagems, and devices, of those who
call themselves gentlemen, yet pervert the design of Providence, in
giving them ample means to do good, to their own everlasting perdition,
and the ruin of poor oppressed innocence! But now I will tell you what has befallen me; and yet, how shall you
receive it? Here is no honest John to carry my letters to you! And,
besides, I am watched in all my steps; and no doubt shall be, till my
hard fate may ripen his wicked projects for my ruin. I will every day,
however, write my sad state; and some way, perhaps, may be opened to
send the melancholy scribble to you. But, alas! when you know it, what
will it do but aggravate your troubles? For, O! what can the abject poor
do against the mighty rich, when they are determined to oppress? Well, but I must proceed to write what I had hoped to tell you in a few
hours, when I believed I should receive your grateful blessings, on my
return to you from so many hardships. I will begin with my account from the last letter I wrote you, in which
I enclosed my poor stuff of verses; and continue it at times, as I have
opportunity; though, as I said, I know not how it can reach you. The long-hoped for Thursday morning came, when I was to set out. I had
taken my leave of my fellow-servants overnight; and a mournful leave
it was to us all: for men, as well as women servants, wept much to
part with me; and, for my part, I was overwhelmed with tears, and the
affecting instances of their esteem. They all would have made me little
presents, as tokens of their love; but I would not take any thing from
the lower servants, to be sure. But Mr. Longman would have me accept of
several yards of Holland, and a silver snuff-box, and a gold ring, which
he desired me to keep for his sake; and he wept over me; but said, I am
sure so good a maiden God will bless; and though you return to your
poor father again, and his low estate, yet Providence will find you out:
Remember I tell you so; and one day, though I mayn't live to see it, you
will be rewarded. I said, O, dear Mr. Longman! you make me too rich, and too mody; and
yet I must be a beggar before my time for I shall want often to be
scribbling, (little thinking it would be my only employment so soon,)
and I will beg you, sir, to favour me with some paper; and, as soon as I
get home, I will write you a letter, to thank you for all your kindness
to me; and a letter to good Mrs. Jervis too. This was lucky; for I should have had none else, but at the pleasure of
my rough-natured governess, as I may call her; but now I can write to
ease my mind, though I can't send it to you; and write what I please,
for she knows not how well I am provided: for good Mr. Longman gave me
above forty sheets of paper, and a dozen pens, and a little phial of
ink; which last I wrapped in paper, and put in my pocket; and some wax
and wafers. O dear sir, said I, you have set me up. How shall I requite you? He
said, By a kiss, my fair mistress: And I gave it very willingly; for he
is a good old man. Rachel and Hannah cried sadly, when I took my leave; and Jane, who
sometimes used to be a little crossish, and Cicely too, wept sadly, and
said, they would pray for me; but poor Jane, I doubt, will forget that;
for she seldom says her prayers for herself: More's the pity! Then Arthur the gardener, our Robin the coachman, and Lincolnshire Robin
too, who was to carry me, were very civil; and both had tears in their
eyes; which I thought then very good-natured in Lincolnshire Robin,
because he knew but little of me.--But since, I find he might well be
concerned; for he had then his instructions, it seems, and knew how he
was to be a means to entrap me. Then our other three footmen, Harry, Isaac, and Benjamin, and grooms,
and helpers, were very much affected likewise; and the poor little
scullion-boy, Tommy, was ready to run over for grief. They had got all together over-night, expecting to be differently
employed in the morning; and they all begged to shake hands with me, and
I kissed the maidens, and prayed to God to bless them all; and thanked
them for all their love and kindness to me: and, indeed, I was forced to
leave them sooner than I would, because I could not stand it: Indeed
I could not. Harry (I could not have thought it; for he is a little
wildish, they say) cried till he sobbed again. John, poor honest John,
was not then come back from you. But as for the butler, Mr. Jonathan, he
could not stay in company. I thought to have told you a deal about this; but I have worse things to
employ my thoughts. Mrs. Jervis, good Mrs. Jervis, cried all night long; and I comforted her
all I could: And she made me promise, that if my master went to London
to attend parliament, or to Lincolnshire, I would come and stay a week
with her: and she would have given me money; but I would not take it. Well, next morning came, and I wondered I saw nothing of poor honest
John; for I waited to take leave of him, and thank him for all his
civilities to me and to you. But I suppose he was sent farther by my
master, and so could not return; and I desired to be remembered to him. And when Mrs. Jervis told me, with a sad heart, the chariot was ready
with four horses to it, I was just upon sinking into the ground, though
I wanted to be with you. My master was above stairs, and never asked to see me. I was glad of it
in the main; but he knew, false heart as he is, that I was not to be
out of his reach.--O preserve me, Heaven, from his power, and from his
wickedness! Well, they were not suffered to go with me one step, as I writ to you
before; for he stood at the window to see me go. And in the passage to
the gate, out of his sight, there they stood all of them, in two rows;
and we could say nothing on both sides, but God bless you! and God bless
you! But Harry carried my own bundle, my third bundle, as I was used to
call it, to the coach, with some plumb-cake, and diet-bread, made for me
over-night, and some sweet-meats, and six bottles of Canary wine, which
Mrs. Jervis would make me take in a basket, to cheer our hearts now
and then, when we got together, as she said. And I kissed all the maids
again, and shook hands with the men again: but Mr. Jonathan and Mr.
Longman were not there; and then I tripped down the steps to the
chariot, Mrs. Jervis crying most sadly. I looked up when I got to the chariot, and I saw my master at the
window, in his gown; and I courtesied three times to him very low, and
prayed for him with my hands lifted up; for I could not speak; indeed I
was not able: And he bowed his head to me, which made me then very glad
he would take such notice of me; and in I stepped, and was ready to
burst with grief; and could only, till Robin began to drive, wave my
white handkerchief to them, wet with my tears: and, at last, away he
drove, Jehu-like, as they say, out of the court-yard. And I too soon
found I had cause for greater and deeper grief. Well, said I to myself, at this rate I shall soon be with my dear father
and mother; and till I had got, as I supposed, half-way, I thought of
the good friends I had left: And when, on stopping for a little bait
to the horses, Robin told me I was near half-way, I thought it was high
time to wipe my eyes, and think to whom I was going; as then, alack for
me! I thought. So I began to ponder what a meeting I should have with
you; how glad you'd both be to see me come safe and innocent to you,
after all my dangers: and so I began to comfort myself, and to banish
the other gloomy side from my mind; though, too, it returned now and
then; for I should be ungrateful not to love them for their love. Well, I believe I set out about eight o'clock in the morning; and I
wondered and wondered, when it was about two, as I saw by a church dial,
in a little village as we passed through, that I was still more and more
out of my knowledge. Hey-day, thought I, to drive this strange pace, and
to be so long a going a little more than twenty miles, is very odd! But
to be sure, thought I, Robin knows the way. At last he stopped, and looked about him, as if he was at a loss for the
road; and I said, Mr. Robert, sure you are out of the way!--I'm afraid I
am, said he. But it can't be much; I'll ask the first person I see. Pray
do, said I; and he gave his horses a mouthful of bay: and I gave him
some cake, and two glasses of Canary wine; and stopt about half an hour
in all. Then he drove on very fast again. I had so much to think of, of the dangers I now doubted not I had
escaped, of the loving friends I had left, and my best friends I was
going to; and the many things I had to relate to you; that I the less
thought of the way, till I was startled out of my meditations by the sun
beginning to set, and still the man driving on, and his horses sweating
and foaming; and then I began to be alarmed all at once, and called to
him; and he said he had horrid ill luck, for he had come several miles
out of the way, but was now right, and should get in still before it was
quite dark. My heart began then to misgive me a little, and I was very
much fatigued; for I had no sleep for several nights before, to signify;
and at last I said, Pray Mr. Robert, there is a town before us, what
do you call it?--If we are so much out of the way, we had better put up
there, for the night comes on apace: And, Lord protect me! thought I,
I shall have new dangers, mayhap, to encounter with the man, who have
escaped the master--little thinking of the base contrivance of the
latter.--Says he, I am just there: 'Tis but a mile on one side of the
town before us.--Nay, said I, I may be mistaken; for it is a good while
since I was this way; but I am sure the face of the country here is
nothing like what I remember it. He pretended to be much out of humour with himself for mistaking the
way, and at last stopped at a farmhouse, about two miles beyond the
village I had seen; and it was then almost dark, and he alighted, and
said, We must make shift here; for I am quite out. Lord, thought I, be good to the poor Pamela! More trials still!--What
will befall me next? The farmer's wife, and maid, and daughter, came out; and the wife said,
What brings you this way at this time of night, Mr. Robert? And with
a lady too?--Then I began to be frightened out of my wits; and laying
middle and both ends together, I fell a crying, and said, God give me
patience! I am undone for certain!--Pray, mistress, said I, do you know
'Squire B----, of Bedfordshire? The wicked coachman would have prevented the answering me; but the
simple daughter said, Know his worship! yes, surely! why he is my
father's landlord.--Well, said I, then I am undone; undone for ever!--O,
wicked wretch! what have I done to you, said I to the coachman, to serve
me thus?--Vile tool of a wicked master!--Faith, said the fellow, I am
sorry this task was put upon me; but I could not help it. But make the
best of it now; here are very civil reputable folks; and you'll be safe
here, I'll assure you.--Let me get out, said I, and I'll walk back to
the town we came through, late as it is:--For I will not enter here. Said the farmer's wife, You'll be very well used here, I'll assure you,
young gentlewoman, and have better conveniences than any where in the
village. I matter not conveniences, said I: I am betrayed and undone!
As you have a daughter of your own, pity me, and let me know if your
landlord, as you call him, be here!--No, I'll assure you he is not, said
she. And then came the farmer, a good-like sort of man, grave, and
well-behaved; and spoke to me in such sort, as made me a little
pacified; and seeing no help for it, I went in; and the wife immediately
conducted me up stairs to the best apartment, and told me, that was mine
as long as I staid: and nobody should come near me but when I called.
I threw myself on the bed in the room, tired and frightened to death
almost; and gave way to the most excessive fit of grief that I ever had. The daughter came up, and said, Mr. Robert had given her a letter to
give me; and there it was. I raised myself, and saw it was the hand
and seal of the wicked wretch, my master, directed to Mrs. Pamela
Andrews.--This was a little better than to have him here; though, if he
had, he must have been brought through the air; for I thought I was. The good woman (for I began to see things about a little reputable, and
no guile appearing in them, but rather a face of grief for my grief)
offered me a glass of some cordial water, which I accepted, for I
was ready to sink; and then I sat up in a chair a little, though very
faintish: and they brought me two candles, and lighted a brushwood fire;
and said, if I called, I should be waited on instantly; and so left me
to ruminate on my sad condition, and to read my letter, which I was not
able to do presently. After I had a little come to myself, I found it to
contain these words: