'I am greatly concerned for him, I assure you: but I am not discouraged
by this ill success, let what will come of it, if I can serve you.
'I don't hear, as yet, that Mr. B---- is coming. I am glad of your hint
as to that unhappy fellow John Arnold. Something, perhaps, will strike
out from that, which may be useful. As to your packets, if you seal them
up, and lay them in the usual place, if you find it not suspected, I
will watch an opportunity to convey them; but if they are large, you had
best be very cautious. This evil woman, I find, mistrusts me much.
'I just hear, that the gentleman is dying, whose living Mr. B---- has
promised me. I have almost a scruple to take it, as I am acting so
contrary to his desires: but I hope he will one day thank me for it. As
to money, don't think of it at present. Be assured you may command all
in my power to do for you without reserve. 'I believe, when we hear he is coming, it will be best to make use of
the key, which I shall soon procure you; and I can borrow a horse for
you, I believe, to wait within half a mile of the back-door, over
the pasture; and will contrive, by myself, or somebody, to have you
conducted some miles distant, to one of the villages thereabouts; so
don't be discomforted, I beseech you. I am, excellent Mrs. Pamela, 'Your faithful friend, etc.'
I made a thousand sad reflections upon the former part of this honest
gentleman's kind letter; and but for the hope he gave me at last, should
have given up my case as quite desperate. I then wrote to thank him most
gratefully for his kind endeavours; to lament the little concern the
gentry had for my deplorable case; the wickedness of the world, first
to give way to such iniquitous fashions, and then plead the frequency of
them, against the attempt to amend them; and how unaffected people were
with the distresses of others. I recalled my former hint as to writing
to Lady Davers, which I feared, I said, would only serve to apprise her
brother, that she knew his wicked scheme, and more harden him in it, and
make him come down the sooner, and to be the more determined on my
ruin; besides that it might make Mr. Williams guessed at, as a means
of conveying my letter: And being very fearful, that if that good lady
would interest herself in my behalf, (which was a doubt, because she
both loved and feared her brother,) it would have no effect upon him;
and that therefore I would wait the happy event I might hope for from
his kind assistance in the key, and the horse. I intimated my master's
letter, begging to be permitted to come down: was fearful it might be
sudden; and that I was of opinion no time was to be lost; for we might
let slip all our opportunities; telling him the money trick of this vile
woman, etc. I had not time to take a copy of this letter, I was so watched. And when
I had it ready in my bosom, I was easy. And so I went to seek out Mrs.
Jewkes, and told her, I would have her advice upon the letter I had
received from my master; which point of confidence in her pleased her
not a little. Ay, said she, now this is something like: and we'll take a
turn in the garden, or where you please. I pretended it was indifferent
to me; and so we walked into the garden. I began to talk to her of the
letter; but was far from acquainting her with all the contents; only
that he wanted my consent to come down, and hoped she used me kindly,
and the like. And I said, Now, Mrs. Jewkes, let me have your advice as
to this. Why then, said she, I will give it you freely; E'en send to him
to come down. It will highly oblige him, and I dare say you'll fare the
better for it. How the better? said I.--I dare say, you think yourself,
that he intends my ruin. I hate, said she, that foolish word, your
ruin!--Why, ne'er a lady in the land may live happier than you if you
will, or be more honourably used. Well, Mrs. Jewkes, said I, I shall not, at this time, dispute with you
about the words ruin and honourable: for I find we have quite different
notions of both: But now I will speak plainer than ever I did. Do you
think he intends to make proposals to me as to a kept mistress, or kept
slave rather, or do you not?--Why, lambkin, said she, what dost thou
think thyself?--I fear, said I, he does. Well, said she, but if he does,
(for I know nothing of the matter, I assure you,) you may have your own
terms--I see that; for you may do any thing with him. I could not bear this to be spoken, though it was all I feared of a long
time; and began to exclaim most sadly. Nay, said she, he may marry you,
as far as I know.--No, no, said I, that cannot be.--I neither desire
nor expect it. His condition don't permit me to have such a thought; and
that, and the whole series of his conduct, convinces me of the contrary;
and you would have me invite him to come down, would you? Is not this to
invite my ruin? 'Tis what I would do, said she, in your place; and if it was to be as
you think, I should rather be out of my pain, than live in continual
frights and apprehensions, as you do. No, replied I, an hour of
innocence is worth an age of guilt; and were my life to be made ever
so miserable by it, I should never forgive myself, if I were not to
lengthen out to the longest minute my happy time of honesty. Who knows
what Providence may do for me! Why, may be, said she, as he loves you so well, you may prevail upon him
by your prayers and tears; and for that reason, I should think, you'd
better let him come down. Well, said I, I will write him a letter,
because he expects an answer, or may be he will make a pretence to come
down. How can it go? I'll take care of that, said she; it is in my instructions.--Ay, thought
I, so I doubt, by the hint Mr. Williams gave me about the post-house. The gardener coming by, I said, Mr. Jacob, I have planted a few beans,
and I call the place my garden. It is just by the door out yonder: I'll
shew it you; pray don't dig them up. So I went on with him; and when we
had turned the alley, out of her sight and were near the place said I,
Pray step to Mrs. Jewkes, and ask her if she has any more beans for
me to plant? He smiled, I suppose at my foolishness; and I popped the
letter under the mould, and stepped back, as if waiting for his return;
which, being near, was immediate; and she followed him. What should I do
with beans? said she,--and sadly scared me; for she whispered me, I
am afraid of some fetch! You don't use to send on such simple
errands.--What fetch? said I: It is hard I can neither stir, nor speak,
but I must be suspected.--Why, said she, my master writes, that I must
have all my eyes about me; for though you are as innocent as a dove, yet
you are as cunning as a serpent. But I'll forgive you, if you cheat me. Then I thought of my money, and could have called her names, had I
dared: And I said, Pray Mrs. Jewkes, now you talk of forgiving me, if
I cheat you, be so kind as to pay me my money; for though I have no
occasion for it, yet I know you was but in jest, and intended to give it
me again. You shall have it in a proper time, said she; but, indeed, I
was in earnest to get it out of your hands, for fear you should make an
ill use of it. And so we cavilled upon this subject as we walked in, and
I went up to write my letter to my master; and, as I intended to shew
it her, I resolved to write accordingly as to her part of it; for I made
little account of his offer of Mrs. Jervis to me, instead of this wicked
woman, (though the most agreeable thing that could have befallen me,
except my escape from hence,) nor indeed any thing he said. For to be
honourable, in the just sense of the word, he need not have caused me to
be run away with, and confined as I am. I wrote as follows: