'I know not how I have deserved that character of the marchioness,'
said the count with a smile, 'but that heart must be either fickle or
insensible in an uncommon degree, which can boast of freedom in the
presence of lady Julia.' The marchioness, mortified by the whole
conversation, now felt the full force of Vereza's reply, which she
imagined he pointed with particular emphasis.
The entertainment concluded with a grand firework, which was exhibited
on the margin of the sea, and the company did not part till the dawn
of morning. Julia retired from the scene with regret. She was
enchanted with the new world that was now exhibited to her, and she
was not cool enough to distinguish the vivid glow of imagination from
the colours of real bliss. The pleasure she now felt she believed
would always be renewed, and in an equal degree, by the objects which
first excited it. The weakness of humanity is never willingly
perceived by young minds. It is painful to know, that we are operated
upon by objects whose impressions are variable as they are
indefinable--and that what yesterday affected us strongly, is to-day
but imperfectly felt, and to-morrow perhaps shall be disregarded. When
at length this unwelcome truth is received into the mind, we at first
reject, with disgust, every appearance of good, we disdain to partake
of a happiness which we cannot always command, and we not unfrequently
sink into a temporary despair. Wisdom or accident, at length, recal us
from our error, and offers to us some object capable of producing a
pleasing, yet lasting effect, which effect, therefore, we call
happiness.
Happiness has this essential difference from what is
commonly called pleasure, that virtue forms its basis, and virtue
being the offspring of reason, may be expected to produce uniformity of
effect. The passions which had hitherto lain concealed in Julia's heart,
touched by circumstance, dilated to its power, and afforded her a
slight experience of the pain and delight which flow from their
influence. The beauty and accomplishments of Vereza raised in her a
new and various emotion, which reflection made her fear to encourage,
but which was too pleasing to be wholly resisted. Tremblingly alive to
a sense of delight, and unchilled by disappointment, the young heart
welcomes every feeling, not simply painful, with a romantic
expectation that it will expand into bliss.
Julia sought with eager anxiety to discover the sentiments of Vereza
towards her; she revolved each circumstance of the day, but they
afforded her little satisfaction; they reflected only a glimmering and
uncertain light, which instead of guiding, served only to perplex her.
Now she remembered some instance of particular attention, and then
some mark of apparent indifference. She compared his conduct with that
of the other young noblesse; and thought each appeared equally
desirous of the favor of every lady present. All the ladies, however,
appeared to her to court the admiration of Vereza, and she trembled
lest he should be too sensible of the distinction. She drew from these
reflections no positive inference; and though distrust rendered pain
the predominate sensation, it was so exquisitely interwoven with
delight, that she could not wish it exchanged for her former ease.
Thoughtful and restless, sleep fled from her eyes, and she longed with
impatience for the morning, which should again present Vereza, and
enable her to pursue the enquiry. She rose early, and adorned herself
with unusual care. In her favorite closet she awaited the hour of
breakfast, and endeavoured to read, but her thoughts wandered from the
subject.