"I inherited these children, Doctor. I didn't have time for on the job training. If they had been borne by me we would have grown up together and evolved into a pattern. Getting this tossed on me makes me revert back to the only system I ever knew; my parents and how they raised us."
He seemed satisfied and moved onto a new subject. "Karen tells me she got in trouble recently and was punished."
"Yes." While my natural reaction was to explain exactly what happened, I was curious to hear Karen's version.
"Karen didn't think her punishment was sufficiently severe."
"She wasn't dishing it out; I was. I considered what she did and in my estimation, responded with appropriate fairness."
"Do you think the spankings you received as a child were helpful? Stopped you from misbehaving?" he asked.
His question annoyed me. "Is this a new subject Doctor, or are you saying I should have spanked my daughter for her transgression?"
"No! No! I'm totally against it. I was just curious. I'm interested in your opinion."
"Why?"
He worded his response carefully. "Because your parents utilized spanking as a punishment, and you speak only favorably about your childhood. Karen is aware of that fact, and she must wonder, the same as I, why you're so against copying their apparently successful formula."
Several seconds ticked off the clock while I thought about my answer. "I can't say it stopped my misconduct but knowing there were specific consequences to my actions was a deterrent at times. No, it didn't turn little Sarah or Suzie into angels, but we learned you have to pay the bus driver if you wanted to ride the line." When he didn't respond, I continued. "Also, I hated disappointing my parents. I loved them both very much, and I knew punishing us hurt them deeply. My mother would often cry; my father too, sometimes."
"I'm still confused," the doctor said. "You're committed not to spank your step children in spite of defending the practice in your, as you define it, near perfect household. Explain that to me."
"I don't fault my parents for spanking us. I know in my heart what they did was done out of love."
"Ah! Then why wouldn't you do the same for your children? You grew up a well-adjusted and successful person under their tutelage."
"I'll tell you what I told my daughter, and what my mother told me. We both had long discussions with our children, on a variety of matters. We never lie when we're doing so but we're often relating opinions, not firm facts. We leave it up to the child to mix those opinions with other gathered tidbits of information and make their own decision. Our opinion demonstrates why we do certain things, but our children are under no obligation to always adopt that opinion as their own, nor do we expect them to do so. Most times, if the advice is sound, there's agreement. In this case I don't happen to agree."