Now......
"Prima," Sammy says as she knocks on the door. Maybe if I don't answer she'll think I'm still asleep and she'll go away. "Open the door" she knocks again. I cover myself from head to toe with my bed sheets using it as a shield to protect me from the world if only that was possible. "Go away Sammy" I growl from under the sheets. I hate acting like a bitch to her but her good mood pisses me off. I rather stay in bed all day and night avoiding everything behind that door. "Please Jane" she pleads. I can almost see her bottom lip out as she pouts like a little girl. I really don't want to get out of bed but knowing her as well as I know her she'll keep knocking until I open it. I roll out of bed I don't even bother putting my slippers on I'm just going to climb back in bed anyways. "Come in" I yell as I walk back to my bed. "What are you doing?" she ask from behind me as she enters my room. I climb into bed and pull my sheets over me again "Going to sleep". Well not really but I think she gets the point. My sheets fly off me in a quick movement "It's 12:30 in the afternoon Jane you need to get out of bed". Did she just tell me what I need to do? I sit up and face her "I don't need nor do I want to get out of bed and if that's all you came for you can leave now". I know that I'm being harsh with her but she just pissed me off.
"You're such a bitch" she scowls as she throws my sheets on the bed. She is right I am a bitch but that's the way I like it. "Funny thing that's what death does to a person" I snap back as I reach for my sheets. "Jane I know this has been hard on you," her face softens as she moves closer to the bed. I drop my head and start playing with the corner of the sheets avoiding her stare. I can handle people being bitchy but not sympathy. I can't it's to much. "But he was the one that died not you. I don't think he would want you to live the life you are living now" she says. How dare she say that? I know he is dead the pain in my chest is a constant reminder of that. I don't need her to throw that in my face.
How does everyone want me keep going on with my life knowing that I am the reason he is dead? I killed him. I feel my throat closing up on me "I think it's time for you to leave before I say something I might regret" I say through clench teeth. I'm biting down on my teeth trying my best to control my anger and keeping my tears at bay. "Fine," she spins around "all I wanted was to invite you to a New Year's Eve party so you don't spend it alone in bed like you did for Christmas but never mind now" she slams the door on her way out to make a point. So what if I spend Christmas in bed while every one else was downstairs celebrating? I wasn't up for a family reunion or in the mood to celebrate Christmas. I throw my head back into my pillow out of frustration. Thanks to Sammy I'm in a pissed off mood. I might as well shower to calm myself down.