I hate seeing him this upset. I'm so used to seeing him strong and tough against the world. I feel a big knot stuck in my throat and no matter how much I try swallowing it down I can't get rid of it. Of course I can forgive him. I love him he is the only parent I have ever known. Growing up he did everything in his power to make me feel love. I want to tell him that I forgive him but I can't find my voice so I walk over to him and wrap my arms around him. It feels so good to hug my father again.
"I'm s-so sorry dad" I hiccup into his chest. I was so mad that I didn't realize how much I really missed having my father around. Even tho I had Gabe back in my life I still felt like a part of my heart was still missing. Now I realize that the part of my heart missing was my father. I wasn't mad at my father I was hurt because the only man that I trusted not to hurt me did just that. "It's okay Princess" he strokes my hair like he used to do when I was younger. I'm so sorry for the way I've been acting but I'm also sorry about what I'm about to tell him. "You'll always be my princess don't forget that baby" he gives me a kiss on the forehead. He is not making this any easier for me. I give him a squeeze and enjoy this moment before we start fighting again.
"I need to tell you something" I say as I clean my face. "I know" he nods. I walk back to my chair and take in a deep breath "Dad I love you and I forgive you for everything," my heart breaks all over again just seeing tears in his eyes. I fucking hate that I have to pick between the two most important men in my life. Why can't I have them both like any normal girl? Because I've never been a normal girl. Even tho my choice is made for me it doesn't make it any easier. "Papi I want to go back to New York," why does it sound like I am asking for permission? "I'm going back to New York" I correct myself. I lift my hand up to stop him from speaking "before all of this happen I had a life of my own back in New York. I made friends and I even fell in love for the first time" I smile thinking of Sophia, Liam, Logan, and Gabe "and I want that back I don't want to be a prisoner no more. I don't want this life and you can't force it on me. I'm not asking for your permission I'm letting you know what I've already decided. I'm going back" I say with a firm voice. I hope he can understand where I'm coming from either way I'm leaving and there is nothing he can do to change my mind. The only reason why I'm telling him is because I want to do this right this time around. I want to be able to live my life with out having to check over my shoulder every second.