"It isn't exactly that," Anna answered, "but to tell you the truth, I
cannot bear to look upon myself as a rank failure. We girls, my sister
and I, were left quite alone when our father died, and I made up my
mind to make some little place in the world for myself. I tried
painting and couldn't get on. Then I came to London and tried almost
everything--all failures. I had two offers of marriage from men I
liked very much indeed, but it never occurred to me to listen to
either of them. You see I am rather obstinate. At last I tried a
dramatic agent, and got on the music hall stage."
"Well, you can't say you're a failure there," Lady Lescelles remarked,
smiling. "I've been to hear you lots of times."
"I have been more fortunate than I deserved," Anna answered, "but I
only meant to stay upon the music hall stage until I could get
something better. I am rehearsing now for a new play at the 'Garrick'
and I have quite made up my mind to try and make some sort of position
for myself as an actress."
"Do you think it is really worth while?" Lady Lescelles asked gently.
"I am sure you will marry Nigel sooner or later, and then all your
work will be thrown away."
Anna shook her head.
"If I were to marry now," she said, "it would be with a sense of
humiliation. I should feel that I had been obliged to find some one
else to fight my battles for me."
"What else," Lady Lescelles murmured, "are men for?"
Anna laughed.
"Afterwards," she said, "I should be perfectly content to have
everything done for me. But I do think that if a girl is to feel
comfortable about it they should start fairly equal. Take your case,
for instance. You brought your husband a large fortune, your people
were well known in society, your family interest I have heard was
useful to him in his parliamentary career. So far as I am concerned, I
am just now a hopeless nonentity. Your brother has everything--I have
not shown myself capable even of earning my own living except in a way
which could not possibly bring any credit upon anybody. And beyond
this, Lady Lescelles, as you must know, recent events have set a good
many people's tongues wagging, and I am quite determined to live down
all this scandal before I think of marrying any one."
"I am sure," Lady Lescelles said, gently, "that the last consideration
need not weigh with you in the least. No one in the world is beyond
the shaft of scandal--we all catch it terribly sometimes. It simply
doesn't count."
"You are very kind," Anna said. "I do hope I have been able to make
you understand how I feel, that you don't consider me a hopeless prig.
It does sound a little horrid to talk so much about oneself and to
have views."