My dad’s always telling me shit about how ‘the heart doesn’t lie’ and how one day I’ll meet a girl that will make me stupid. I always thought he was crazy because there have been a lot of women who have made my dad act stupid. I guess he just likes falling in love.
But you, Nolan, you make me act stupid. I don’t know if I’ll ever have the courage to tell you any of this. You’re not easy (and no, I don’t mean that in the perverted way). I mean you come with a lot of feelings, you make me feel. It’s weird, but when I touched you tonight it felt like tiny shockwaves hitting my skin. I was afraid to touch you, but I also had to.
I felt my lips twitch, so close to you. That was new, that’s never happened before. I almost kissed your neck out of habit then I snapped out of it and realized that you’re not mine. But what’s strange is it felt like you’ve always been mine.
I don’t know what happened, and I know that you would just rationalize all of this and say something about me being struck by the song and you in that pretty f**king dress, your bare shoulders so perfect and soft. But as beautiful as you were tonight, I think maybe you’ve been beautiful all along. And I’m just stupid.
Anyhow, like I said. I’ll probably just shove this in my desk drawer. But I feel better getting it off my chest. Who knows, maybe some day I’ll just kiss you and give it to you anyway.
Yours, apparently?
Reed
I’ve never cried tears of joy, but I was doing that now. I was also fighting to breathe, suffocating a little from this amazing gift. Knowing what I needed, Reed just pulled me into his arms and held me tight against his chest, his mouth at my ear.
“I guess I knew I loved you then, too,” I could feel his smile. “I’m sorry it took me so long.”
I held onto his arms around my front and kissed them, squeezing him back. Turning in his arms to face him, I folded up the letter and shoved it deep in the pocket of my jeans. “That just kicked the shit out of my scrapbook and the varsity letter,” I joked, trying to lighten the mood and bring myself back from the brink of delirium.
Reed just chuckled and smoothed the hair from my face, kissing me softly on the lips. As our lips held on to each other, I knew then that I was ready to give myself to Reed. And it wasn’t just because of his letter, though that helped. I didn’t want him to think that I thought he was just trying to get into my pants.
I stopped our kiss and held his stare as I sat up and stripped my sweatshirt, followed by my T-shirt and tight undershirt I had worn until I was bare in front of him. He was careful, waiting until I reached to pull his shirt from him, too. I snuggled tightly along his side and kissed my way up his shoulder, neck and face until we were intertwined and kissing hard again.
I kicked at my feet, pulling my shoes off and then working my pants open without Reed noticing. When I started to reach down to slide them down, he stilled, tense, and held my hands. “Nolan, you don’t have to do this, that’s not what tonight was about,” he was serious.
“I know,” I just kept my eyes on his, my breathing heavier now and my heart determined.
I stood up and slid my jeans down my body followed by my underwear until I was standing before him completely bare, cold and terrified. Not of what might happen, but that he might reject me.
When he slid his hands up my leg slowly and pulled himself to stand with me, taking the rest of his clothes off, too, I finally started to breathe again. He swung his arms around and picked me up without effort and carried me into our tiny tent, never breaking our kiss when he laid me on the soft comforter laid out on the earth floor.
Reaching for his wallet, he pulled out a condom and tore it to put it on, and my heart started to speed at what was next. Reed could sense my fear, leaning his face to my ear and whispering to me. “I’ll be slow. And if you want, tell me to stop,” he pulled back to look at me to make sure I understood and was still with him in this.
“I know,” I smiled softly, kissing him and grabbing the back of his head, clutching his hair in my fingers as he slowly made his way over me until he was holding my body to his and slowly becoming my first.
I held my breath for what felt like minutes, my body tensing from the sharp pains until my nerves started to give way to passion, and we pulled at and tasted one another until I felt Reed’s pulse quicken. My body heat was rising and I was starting to understand why this was so special and why I was so happy it was Reed I was giving it to. When I felt a rush of impulses fire through my core, I bit into Reed’s shoulder a little, muffling a tiny cry.