“Just take it and read it, OK?” he said shortly. And then he was walking away.
I flipped open the folder and saw my note cards tucked into one pocket with a rubber band around them. They had been highlighted and numbered. In the other pocket was a typed and stapled paper. The top sheet was titled “A Sustainable Society: By Nolan Lennox and Reed Johnson.” I pulled the paper from the folder and realized it was a full four pages, single spaced. I read the first few paragraphs and they were exactly as I would have written them, minus a few word choices.
Reed had finished our project. By himself. Last night.
I didn’t quite know what to make of this. I was equal parts offended that he hadn’t included me in our work and awed by his gesture. I was fairly confident that the note he had folded and placed on top of the folder he had given me would provide me with clarity. I started to unfold and read it where I sat, but the next class was already filing in. I was going to be late for PE. Also, as much as I wanted to know what he had written to me, I also was afraid. Was he angry? Is that why he had written so manically during our class? Wondering if I had just bided my time, waiting to yell at him and embarrass him in front of his friends. Did he finish the paper just to be rid of me? Or, maybe they were kind words? And at that thought, part of me wanted to savor it and read it just a few words at a time.
Walking slowly through the grass to the gym, I held the note close to my chest under the folder, my arms crossed over it. When I got to my gym locker, I tucked it inside my backpack and changed for PE. As I sat on the bench waiting for our class to begin, I stared at my locker, wanting to unlock the combination immediately, crawl into a bathroom stall and feign menstrual cramps. But I left it where it was.
We did aerobics for PE and practiced various stretches on the mats upstairs. I could hear the weight room on the other side of the gym and knew Reed was there. Most of the football players had weightlifting as their elective. I felt like I was holding onto a burning secret, but I only knew parts of it. My lack of awareness must have been apparent, too, because I was still laying flat on my back when the rest of the class was folding up mats and carrying them to the stack at the end of the room.
“Nolan, are you OK?” Sienna leaned over and asked. “Are you sick?”
“Huh? Oh, uh no. Sorry, just daydreaming I guess. Thanks for snapping me out of it!” I sat up and started folding my mat. My head still imagining the words that were waiting for me and listening for any hint of Reed’s voice just across the basketball court.
As I turned around after throwing my mat on top of a stack, I was stopped by Sienna, hands on her hips and a furrowed brow. “What’s up? I know you. I know you really well and have for years. You know you can tell me, right?” she said in her nurturing tone. Sienna was always the friend you could confide in and she often gave the best advice. While Sarah was one to back you up in a fight, Sienna was the one with her head on right. At her words, I let out a huge sigh and leaned back against the wall as we lined up to head back to the locker room.
“It’s Reed,” I said, not sure where else to go with it.
“Nolan, I know that much. I totally know that you like him… more than friends… and I think there’s a part of him that really likes you, too. Did something … happen?” she asked, almost with a look of hope in her eyes.
“Oh god, it’s sooooo not what you think,” I said, stopping her before she went too far. Then, part of what she said sank in and I flinched, squinting my eyes. “You really think he’s got a thing for me?”
“I don’t think. I know,” she said, matter-of-factly. I wasn’t sure she was right on this one, but I was flattered that she would even think that about me. I stood silently, trying to take what she had said in and sorting through the source of my stress for a good place to begin. I decided starting with Tatum’s flirtation was the genesis. Sienna winced when I recanted the scene from outside the gym after volleyball tryouts and hugged me when I told her what I said, inches away from Reed’s face. Finally, I got to the part about the note, and she shook me by my shoulders.
“You seriously have been holding onto his letter for, like, an hour not knowing what it says?” she was dumbfounded.
“Yeah… I was afraid I wouldn’t have enough time to read it, and I’m a little worried about what it says.”
Sienna’s eyes were wide and her mouth was tightly closed, almost like she was holding something in.
“Nolan, you have to go read that. Like… right now!”
She was right. Now was the perfect time. I had lunch after PE, and I could take all the time I needed and hide out if I needed to. Part of me wanted to just ask Sienna to read it for me, just like when I cover my eyes during scary movies and ask her to tell me when the gory scenes are over and catch me up on the major plot points. But this was personal from Reed to me, and I knew it was something I had to do all on my own.