12. Exposed
Two weeks had passed since my breakdown in front of Reed. He hadn’t texted me or stopped by to visit, and I kept our conversations to short ‘hellos’ and ‘see you at practices’ in class. I watched him when he was with Tatum in the halls. He was often staring off in the distance, completely detached from her and whatever she was saying to her faithful groupies.
Becky and I were hanging out more, which was nice. I liked her, and so did Sienna and Sarah. The four of us were sitting in the grass at the front of the school while Becky and I went through our gym bags one last time to make sure we had everything for the last track meet of the year. It was against Globe High School in the mountains to the east, and the bus trip would be long and cold.
Sarah was regaling us with some story about a boy she hooked up with from Phoenix over the weekend and we were all giggling and smiling. For the first time in days I felt like a normal girl, weight lifted from my chest. But the ache was still there. I had yet to break things off with Sean, although I barely spoke to him any more and our phone conversations were few and far between. Other than holding hands between a few classes, all evidence of our romance was extinct. It was just a matter of time. Either way, I needed to have a conversation with him. I owed him that.
Reed and Sean were walking down the hill from the gym to where the bus was. “Hey, come on ladies. We’re loading,” Reed said, waving his hands. Sean stood next to him, smiling at me, but knowingly.
Becky and I grabbed our stuff and jogged over to meet them. Tatum was already holding a seat for Reed in the back, and he headed back there to sit by her. Sean picked a seat a few rows ahead of her. I didn’t want to be that close to them, but I also didn’t want to show the cracks in my armor.
“Here, let me toss your bag up on the bars,” Sean said, taking my bag from me and putting it up on the railing shelf.
“Wait! Can you grab my headphones? I want to listen to some music,” I asked. He stared silently for a moment. We would not be talking. Again. I know what he is thinking.
“Sure, hang on,” he said, sliding the zipper just enough to pull my headphones and iPod out. He handed it to me and slid down next to me. I picked a playlist and turned the volume up just enough to drown out everyone else as the bus pulled from the parking lot onto the main drag through town. I pulled my knees up and sunk down a bit to keep my body hidden from the presence I still felt behind me. Tatum hadn’t done anything in days. But it didn’t matter. I was always on edge.
When Sean reached for my hand, I flinched a little. But he held on anyhow. He played with my fingers as I shut my eyes and feigned sleep. It’s not that I was ignoring his touch. But rather, I couldn’t feel it. I was angry at myself for how I was treating Sean and the more he tried to hold on to a piece of me, the more I pulled away. Finally, after a few minutes, I turned my body so my back was to the window and my legs were bent up in front of me, so I was facing Sean. He winced a little, looked down and then patted the tops of my shoes. Reaching down to his bag, he pulled his headphones out, put some music on and shut his eyes in pretend as well.
The drive to Globe was nearly two hours. We were starting to climb through the mountains when I noticed the chill coming in through the windows. It was only four in the afternoon and already the winds were freezing. I slid my back up along the window, careful not to alert Sean, and looked along the bars for my bag. There wasn’t much room up there, so he had put it a little farther back in the bus. When I located it I dropped my gaze to see who I could ask to pass it along to me and locked eyes with Tatum, smirking.
“Cold,” she mouthed.
I just gave her a careful nod, and motioned at my bag above her, not fathoming what she would do next. Her smile was venomous as she stepped into the aisle and slid the zipper on my bag slowly. Reed was involved in a video game and paying no attention to her as she pulled out my sweatshirt and sweat pants. She slid back in to sit along the window and then set them on her lap, out of my sight.
I gave her a pleading look. I was so cold already. She lit up with a fake friendly face and reached up to drop the locks on her window. In an instant, she flung my warm clothing out of the bus, dropping it on the side of the desert highway somewhere outside Globe. In seconds she had the window closed again and she was staring at me with narrowed eyes and a mischievous grin.
I sat there staring at her for minutes, my mouth agape. Before this, everything she did was underhanded. But this was so forward. So obvious. Such an attack. I couldn’t cry. I was too shocked. I turned back in my seat and slid back into position and put my music on. I was going to freeze and it was going to be terrible, but I would live through it. With one small action, Tatum had won this round.