She leaned forward and hugged him, albeit awkwardly. He seemed surprised but pleased by her overture. She pulled away abruptly and stood, anxious to be away.
“I’ll see you downstairs,” she said as she hurried for the door.
She went in search of Carmen, and when she found her, she couldn’t even get the words out. Carmen held her close, stroking her hair as she shed torrents of tears.
“Mi niña, I will miss you so,” Carmen choked out. “You are truly the daughter of my heart. Swear to me that you will call.”
“I love you, mamacita,” Jasmine said as emotion grew thicker in her throat.
“Te amo, mi niña, te amo.”
“You’re going,” Zane said quietly.
Jasmine wrenched herself from Carmen’s arms and turned to see Zane standing in the doorway to the kitchen. His eyes were hooded and wary, his entire stance tense.
Carmen gave her a little push. “Go on, niña,” she whispered. “He is hurting too.”
Jasmine walked like a jerky puppet across the kitchen floor until she came to a stop in front of Zane. He yanked her to him, hugging her close. His heart beat in a frantic cacophony against her cheek.
When she finally pulled away, there were tears in both their eyes.
“Please understand, Zane. I can’t stay here. Not when…not when he’s here. It wouldn’t be fair to any of us.”
“I love you, Jaz. I’m not letting you go so easily.”
She tried to smile, but she faltered. She sucked in her breath, determined not to break down. “Give me time, Zane. I need some time to figure this all out. I love you so much. I’ve made such a mess of things, and now I have to straighten it out.”
Zane slid his hand down her hair and then over her cheek. “I’m not giving up on us. You take your time. You think about what it is you want, what you need. And then I’m coming for you, Jaz.”
He pulled her to him in a long, breathless kiss. So much sadness welled between them. It was tender, heartbreaking, a goodbye that neither of them wanted to say.
Cody cleared his throat. “I’m ready when you are Jasmine. I’ve loaded your stuff into the truck. Take as long as you need. I’ll wait for you outside.”
Jasmine pulled away from Zane’s lips and laid her forehead on his chest. Her fingers dug into his waist, and she held on for dear life. Never had she thought she’d be leaving like this.
“I love you,” she whispered.
Zane held her close and kissed the top of her head. “I know you’re hurting right now, Jaz. And that you need time to get over your hurt. But know that I love you. I’ll always love you.”
She closed her eyes, pressed her forehead a little closer into his chest, and then she pushed away, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.
“I should go. I don’t want to keep him waiting,” she croaked.
Carmen and Zane walked with her outside and watched as Cody ushered her into his truck. As they began to pull away, Jasmine gave a half-hearted wave as she saw Zane pull Carmen into a hug.
All the way down the winding driveway of the ranch, she stared out the back window. Her home. Her one safe place. So beautiful. So full of love and warmth. She was leaving, and she’d probably never be back.
Her nose stung, and she swallowed back tears even as they gathered in her eyes, making her beloved landscape swim in her vision. As she let her gaze pan out from the ranch, there on a hillside, silhouetted by the early morning sun, was a huge buck. Old Man. He stood staring at her as she stared at him, and then he turned and bolted away, disappearing over the next rise.
She bowed her head and cried.
Chapter Thirty-Two
“You look like one screwed-up mother fucker.”
Seth scowled and looked up as J.T. sat beside him at the bar. “Gee thanks, I needed that.”
J.T. shrugged. “That’s what friends are for.” He sat down and motioned to the bartender for a beer. He glanced sideways at Seth. “So how’s Jasmine?”
Seth closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead with his hand. “Gone.”
“Gone? What the hell? Where’s she gone?”
“She went to stay with her brother,” Seth said bleakly.
He opened his eyes to see J.T. staring at him, an odd expression on his face. “Why did she go?”
Seth looked straight ahead again. “Because I didn’t ask her to stay.”
“Uh huh. Any particular reason you didn’t ask her to stay?”
“She loves Zane.”
“Uh huh.”
“Zane loves her.”
“Yeah.”
“She says she loves me.”
Seth waited but all he got from J.T. was silence. He turned to stare at his friend but found only bland disinterest on his face.
“You don’t think that’s f**ked up?”
J.T. shrugged again, a gesture that was fast getting on Seth’s nerves. “I don’t figure it’s any of my business.”
Seth blew out his breath in frustration. Beside him J.T. continued to sip at his beer, but then nothing much bothered J.T. A more laid-back bastard you wouldn’t find. The minutes ticked by and then out of the blue, “Do you love her?”
Seth turned sharply. “It’s not that simple.”
“Yeah, man, it is,” J.T. said calmly. “Do you love her?”
Seth felt his composure start to crack. “I’ve always loved her.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“I think you must have been dropped on your head too many times as a baby,” Seth muttered. “The problem is self-evident. I’m in love with a woman who also loves my brother and who wants…us both.”
“And you don’t want to share her.”
The answer should have come immediately, but he sat there, the words difficult to form. “I’m not sure I can.”
“So you’re not vehemently opposed in theory.”
“You sound way too rational about this,” Seth said in irritation.
J.T. shrugged yet again. “One of us has to be. It seems pretty simple in my book. You love her. She loves you. I’m assuming Zane doesn’t have a problem because I don’t see him here drowning his sorrows in cheap-ass beer. You’ve probably both had sex with her.”
Seth glared at J.T. “And just how the f**k would you know that?”
“Dude, I’m the one who lent her the handcuffs. I doubt she would have had to fight Zane much to get him into her bed. That only leaves you.”
“You’re a twisted mother fucker,” Seth muttered.
“Yeah, well, I’m not the one who pushed away a woman I’ve loved forever, and in the process made not only me but my brother miserable, not to mention that little girl who’s probably off crying her eyes out somewhere.”
“We are so not having this conversation.”
J.T. stood and tossed a few bills onto the bar. “I’ve got to run. Early shift tomorrow. But if you want my unsolicited advice? Pull your head out of your ass before you f**k up the best thing that’s ever happened to you and to Zane. If your choices are living without her, which clearly isn’t working out for you, or sharing her with another man who loves her as deeply as you do, then the answer seems pretty damn clear to me.”
He walked away, leaving Seth there to curse him. He made it sound so simple. It could never be that simple. Could it?
* * *
Jasmine sat in her brother’s living room, playing with her nephew. He was just starting to pull up and stand, and he delighted in mauling Jasmine with sloppy baby kisses.
It had been a week since they’d returned to Louisiana. Cody and Tara both had done everything in their power to make Jasmine feel comfortable and at home, but she was grieving for the family and home she’d left behind in Texas.
She couldn’t stay here forever. The idea of depending on her brother and sister-in-law to provide for her didn’t sit well. She had skills. She had a job offer with Wildscapes. She just had to buck up the courage to take it.
“Jasmine,” Tara said as she entered the living room, “would you like to go out to eat with us? Cody just called from the jobsite, and he’s running a little late so he wanted to know if we’d meet him for dinner.”
Jasmine shook her head. “You guys go on without me. Would you like me to watch Thomas for you so you two can eat alone?”
Tara smiled. “You’re very sweet, Jasmine, but you’ve watched him all week. If I had any more time alone, I’d think I was childless. You should get out. You’ve been holed up in this house ever since you got here.”
Jasmine shrugged uncomfortably. How could she go out and have fun when she felt dead on the inside?
Tara knelt down in front of her and collected Thomas as he set to climbing Jasmine’s shoulder again. “Jasmine, I know you’re hurting,” she said kindly. “Cody and I are worried about you. We want you to be happy.”
Jasmine smiled but felt like it might well crack her face. “I’ll be all right,” she lied. Well, it could be the truth. Eventually she would be. One day.
Tara sighed and stood with Thomas gurgling in her arms. “I’ll see you later then. Be sure and eat something, okay?”
Jasmine nodded and watched as she walked away, babbling nonsense to her baby. An evening alone sounded heavenly. Tara and Cody had smothered her since her arrival. They meant well, but Jasmine was ready to scream. She just wanted a few moments where she could be alone with her misery. Close her eyes and just be alone.
She had a lot of decisions to make. For a short time, she’d allowed herself to believe that she just might be able to have a future with the two men she loved with every piece of her soul. Now that her dream had shattered in tiny, jagged pieces, it was time to pull herself together and dream about something else. If only she could.
“I’m worried as hell about her,” Cody said.
Zane swore and held the phone closer to his ear.
“She’s not eating. I doubt she’s sleeping. She’s lost weight, and she just looks so damn unhappy.”
Zane closed his eyes and rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. “Thanks for calling me, man. I appreciate it.”
“I don’t give a damn if you appreciate it,” Cody exploded. “I want to know if you’re going to do something about it.”
“Yeah,” Zane said. “I am.”
He hung the phone up, his mind already made up. It had been made up the day Jaz left the ranch with Cody, but Zane had promised her time. Well, f**k that. She’d had enough time, and according to Cody, she was wasting away.
He went in search of Seth with a sense of purpose beating a steady rhythm. Things had sucked with a capital “S” ever since Jaz had left. Carmen walked around in tears, her eyes and nose puffy and red. She hadn’t cooked a meal in a week, and her kitchen was in shambles. Zane had avoided Seth and brooded in silence, and Seth, well, the few times Zane had seen him, had acted surly and pissed off. And that was his own f**king fault.
A sense of peace he wasn’t expecting fell over him as he sought out his brother. For as long as he could remember, his life had been entrenched in this ranch, in their business. It should panic him that he was breaking away, wanting a life with Jaz away from everything that was familiar to them both. But instead, he felt relief that he’d be with the woman he loved.
He found Seth in the barn grooming Jaz’s horse. He almost turned and walked away because Seth’s face was locked in stone. But the longer he put it off, the longer he was without Jaz, and that was not an option.
“I’m leaving,” he said then cringed at how bluntly it came out.
Seth stopped what he was doing and turned to stare at Zane. Zane almost felt sorry for the bastard. Almost.
“What do you mean?” Seth asked.
“I’m going after Jaz,” he said in an easier tone. “I love her. Living here…is not an option for us so I’ll go where she is. I want her, even if it means only having a part of her heart.”
Pain glittered brightly in Seth’s eyes. His jaw worked up and down, and he seemed to struggle with what he wanted to say.
“I understand,” he said quietly. “But Zane, the ranch is your home.”
“It was Jaz’s too,” Zane said simply. “It’s been hers since we brought her here six years ago. I’ve never envisioned a future here that didn’t include her. I understand why she can’t be here, but I can’t live without her, so if that means leaving, then I’m prepared to do that.”
“How can you be so accepting of what she wants?” Seth asked in a strangled voice.
Zane looked him calmly in the eye. “I don’t know a lot about love or what it’s supposed to mean. I don’t know how it works for other people. I don’t really care. What I do know, is that I love her. And that means my love doesn’t come with a set of conditions. Does it bother me to know she loves you and probably always will? No. Because she loves me, too. I’m not threatened by that because I know she’d never do anything to hurt me. Could I share her with you? If my choices were having her whole and happy, sparkling and sharing her with you; or having a part of her, knowing she’d never completely shine and be whole but having her all to myself, then I wouldn’t even have to think about it. Because loving her means I want her happy. I want the best for her. I don’t ever want to have any part in making her sad.”
Seth looked stunned by all that Zane had said. Zane, however felt as though a great weight had lifted from him. Yeah, he was making the right decision.