My mouth dropped open at the lifetime comment. “Cole—”
“Be quiet, Shortcake,” he murmured, crawling up the bed until he was straddling me. “Anything you say will only make me more determined.”
* * *
I shot awake, my heart pounding so hard it was all I could hear. Sweat slickened my skin and I panted for air.
As my eyes adjusted to the dark, I saw I was in my bedroom. Cole was sleeping beside me. He was exhausted after spending the entire evening screwing my brains out. I’d been exhausted too. That was why I’d fallen asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
But the nightmare had returned.
I hadn’t had it for weeks. Since I’d started seeing Cole.
I swallowed hard, running a trembling hand through my damp hair. It must have been all that talk about my exes that had spurred its return.
I had no idea what to do.
Things seemed and felt good with Cole, but hadn’t they with all the others before it went bad? I should leave him. I should . . .
Taking my time, breathing in and out, I felt my heart starting to slow, and that was when I heard a familiar grunt followed by a low wheeze. Slowly the grunts got louder and the wheeze grew higher until it was more of a squeal.
Cole shifted beside me and groaned. His eyes opened reluctantly and he squinted up at me. “What the f**k is that?” he said, his voice hoarse from sleep.
I snorted and lay back down. “That’s Rae and Mike.”
The look of horror on his sleepy face was so comical I burst out laughing.
The grunting and squealing immediately stopped. Something pounded against the wall between Rae’s and my room. “Shut the f**k up!” her muffled shout echoed through.
That set us both off. I snuggled into Cole, burying my giggles in his throat as he shook with his own choked laughter.
And just like that, my nightmare and worries were temporarily forgotten.
CHAPTER 16
A t the press of a gentle touch on my lower back, I found myself inhaling the scent of Cole’s cologne.
“I thought you could come over to my place tonight once I finish up at judo,” he murmured in my ear.
I moved away from him, bending my head closer to the file I was working on. I’d almost completed the digitization of Stu’s filing system. If I didn’t have to endure too many distractions, I would be finished in a week or so. Cole didn’t take my “I’m busy. I don’t want you touching me” hint. The studio was quiet, and there was no one around to witness him crowding me against the reception desk.
“Shannon,” he said, his voice a warning as his fingers gripped my hips.
I ignored the flush of arousal I felt at his touch. In fact, I was trying to ignore everything about him these days.
True to his word, Cole contacted a tutor at the College of Art inquiring about my chances of being accepted into a BA degree course for painting. She was kind enough to send me information on the kind of portfolio I’d need to put together for submission into the program as well as information on the student loan system. I was going to miss the deadline for that year, but after discussing it with Cole and being infected by his enthusiasm, I decided I was going to work on a portfolio over the next nine months that I would use, along with my high school qualifications, to apply for admission into next year’s program.
Cole also outed me to Rae and Simon, and Rae insisted I use the sitting room to work in since there was more space and we had the view from the balcony. I was blown away by all their support, but mostly by Cole, who seemed more than determined to erase all the negativity Ollie had left me with.
His seeming dedication to making me happy scared the utter crap out of me. That was why when most girlfriends—not that I was his girlfriend—would be lavishing gratitude and affection on him, I grew distant. It wasn’t even intentional. The need to protect myself was instinctual. At first I didn’t even realize I was doing it.
It started with little things . . . like not meeting his eyes when we were talking at work and finding ways to let go of his hand whenever he reached for mine. Then I began to make excuses not to go home with him, and for him not to come home with me. Two nights a week he went to judo, and another two he went to kickboxing. In the past I’d meet him at his place after he’d finished up, but now I was using the classes as an excuse for us to spend the nights apart.
Cole had been patient.
I didn’t know how long that was going to last. There was a possibility that his patience had just snapped.
“I’m working on the Royal Mile piece right now.” I hurried to excuse myself from his company that evening. “Another time.”
“Rae says you’ve finished it.”
Dammit, Rae.
“Well . . . I’m tired because of it. I think I’ll just have a quiet night in tonight.” I tensed, waiting for his reaction.
His reaction was to hug me and kiss my temple. “Okay. But you’ve got the day off on Sunday. Simon’s covering for me so I can take you to lunch at Elodie and Clark’s.”
Like he sensed my imminent refusal, he continued. “I’ve already told Elodie you’re coming, so she’s planned accordingly. She’s also told everyone else. Hannah is really looking forward to seeing you, and Joss was hoping you would beta-read a few chapters in her new book while we’re there.”
I turned around in his arms and found him trying to quell a smirk. He’d completely outplayed me and he knew it. Cole grinned at my scowl and edged closer to me. My breathing stuttered at the feel of his hand on my thigh. He slid it up under my skirt, his fingertips caressing the soft skin of my inner thigh as his hand traveled higher.
“Cole,” I gasped, and reached for his hand only for him to grab it with his other and press my palm against his chest.
He bent his head, bringing our bodies closer and his hand even higher up my skirt as he kissed my neck. I shivered as those kisses were scattered upward until his teeth were nibbling at my ear. “About tonight . . . ,” he whispered, and his fingers dipped beneath my underwear. “Are you sure you’re too tired?”
My h*ps jerked in surprise at the touch of his cool thumb on my clit. Heat and shock held me against him as he played with me in broad daylight in the studio. “Cole,” I panted, my fingers curling around his shirt. My whole body was flushed and my thighs were trembling as I pressed my h*ps into his touch.
His lips brushed against mine, teasing me. “I’ll take that as a ‘no, I’m not too tired.’”
Senseless with want, I wrapped my hands behind his head and tugged him back down for a real kiss as my cl**ax grew nearer.
I came with a breathless moan against his lips, my lower body jerking against him.
Cole groaned, slipping his hand out from beneath my skirt to smooth it back down. He kissed me again, his hands soothing and comforting as they glided down my waist and around my back.
Finally I came back to myself. I stiffened. I’d just let him bring me to orgasm in a public place and I hadn’t done anything to stop him. Honestly I’d been mindless to have him.
So much for distancing myself from him. Or making up my mind about what I wanted.
I was such a mess.
* * *
Settling the last page on the small pile of chapters, I looked up at Joss, who was sitting at a dressing table in the corner. We were in the nursery at Elodie and Clark Nichols’s house and Joss had been waiting impatiently as I read through the first three chapters of her latest manuscript.
“I know it’s different from anything I’ve ever done before.”
“Yes.” I nodded seriously. Then I grinned. “But I love it.”
Joss stood up, her gray eyes hard to read. “Really?”
“Definitely.” I handed her the chapters. “It’s still got your signature style—the dark humor, the earthiness, the somehow unsentimental sentiment. But you’ve added action and mystery and grit and intrigue. I love it. I can’t wait to read the rest.”
A slow, pleased smile lit up Joss’s face. “Well, I have to write it first. I just wanted a reader’s opinion before I continue any further—someone I can trust. Cole said I could definitely trust you.”
I flushed inwardly at Cole’s praise. Sometimes he made me feel guilty as sin for not trusting him in return. Huh, sometimes? Try all the time.
“Thanks for trusting me.”
And as if she read my mind, Joss smirked. “Maybe you could try trusting Cole.”
“Did he say something?” I could feel myself bristling inwardly. My business was my business. It wasn’t for Cole to be telling people.
“Not much. But he finds himself surrounded by a lot of women who have adored him since he was a kid, so we tend to get a bit nosy and all up in his business.” She grinned, like it was funny or something. I didn’t really agree. “We managed to find out what I already suspected: You don’t trust him because of a bad breakup.”
Slowly the tension eased out of me. “But that’s all he said?”
“Yeah, no details from Cole. He wouldn’t do that to you. I’m not dumb, however, Shannon. I know bad in your case means bad.” She gave my shoulder a comforting squeeze. “But you can trust Cole. He cares about you.”
I didn’t respond, because I didn’t know what to say. My chest began to ache as we walked downstairs and the sounds of laughter and conversation hit our ears. Cole deserved to be with someone who could not only trust him but give herself to him the way that he was willing to give himself in return.
Oh God.
Was it time already? Did I need to walk away?
Feeling sick at the thought, I found it took everything within me to smile at Cole as Joss led me into the dining room. The place was a crush with one large dining table and a smaller one at the end of the room where the kids were sitting. Apparently I was visiting on one of the rare days that everyone was free for Sunday lunch.
Cole tucked me in beside him and I had Hannah and Sophia on my other side. Somehow Elodie miraculously managed to get food in front of everyone.
“Nate, tell them the what-if story.” Liv chuckled at her husband.
Nate smiled across the room and I followed his gaze. His and Liv’s daughter, Lily, a dark-haired beauty around the age of seven, was giggling with her sister, January, and Joss and Braden’s daughter, Beth. Seeing her occupied, Nate nodded.
Liv looked at me. “We just got back from a weekend break in Argyll.”
“So we’re in Dunoon,” Nate explained. “Liv’s on the docks with January because Jan’s still a bit afraid of water. So I take Lily out on a rowing boat on the loch to teach her to fish. And Lily is going through her what-if phase.”
“What’s a what-if phase?” I asked.
“The what-if phase,” Braden said, “is a phase most kids go through. All day, every day, for what feels like months, they ask what-if questions.”
I laughed and nodded at Nate to continue.
“So Lily and I are on the boat and she’s asking me a ton of questions and I’m trying to answer them as patiently as possible. ‘Dad,’ she said, ‘what if we don’t catch any fish?’ ‘Then there will be one more fish in the loch.’ ‘Dad, what if we lose an oar?’ ‘Then I’ll use the one we have left to get us back to the docks.’ ‘Dad, what if we lose both oars?’ ‘Then we’ll paddle back with our hands.’ ‘Dad, what if a boat came?’ ‘Then we’d get out of the way.’ ‘What if it was really close?’ ‘We’d get out of the way really fast.’ ‘Dad, what if you didn’t see the boat?’ And by now I’m losing my patience. ‘Lily,’ I said, ‘I thought you wanted to learn how to fish. Why all the boat questions?’ ‘Because, Dad, there’s a big boat behind you.’ I look over my shoulder and the Dunoon ferry is right there!”
We all burst out laughing as Nate starts gesturing with his hands. “I start rowing like hell to get us out of the way and Lily’s just sitting there calm as you please.”
Shaking with laughter against Cole’s side, I could tell the parents at the table totally got the conversation. I didn’t think I’d ever gone through a what-if phase as a child. My parents weren’t big conversationalists, so I probably didn’t even bother to ask.
Olivia was wiping tears of laughter from her eyes, probably having heard the story too many times to count, and still finding it hilarious.
“Well, since you’re sitting here today we can safely assume you and Lily made it out of the way,” Joss said dryly.
“Just. Alive by the skin of our teeth because my daughter is a smart-arse just like her mother.”
Liv shrugged. “I can’t help it if she inherited my wonderful sense of humor.”
Our chuckles were interrupted by a loud clatter at the end of the table.
Elodie was gripping her arm in pain, her eyes wide with shock, her face sallow and glistening with sweat.
“Elodie.” Braden, who was closest to her, pushed out of his chair at the same time Clark started hurrying to get to her from the other side of the room.
A deep unease settled in my gut as we watched on as Braden and Clark questioned her.
She sank into their hold, seeming unable to talk through the pain.
“Call an ambulance,” Braden barked, but Marco was already on his phone.
Stunned, I looked up at Cole. He was staring at Elodie with panic in his eyes, his own face pale.
Jo was suddenly at his side, her hand gripping his tightly.
* * *
A grim pall hung in the air in Cole’s flat. He lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling while I lay by his side not knowing what to say.