It was all so peaceful at the moment, it was nearly perfect. If only…
And then Cade was sitting beside me, his midnight hair falling over his hard, handsome features. His stunning onyx eyes gleamed in the filtering light of the day. There was sadness in his gaze, but also a love so deep that I felt it to the very bottom of my soul. “Bethany,” he breathed. His strong, calloused hands ran gently over mine. His fingers played deliciously over my skin as he shifted closer. I could feel the heat of his lean, hard muscled body against mine. Shivers of delight and desire raced over me, I could hardly breathe past the need thumping through me. “My Bethany.”
Tears choked me. “Yes,” I agreed, unable to do anything else because it was so unbelievably true. I was his, I would always be his. “I’m dreaming again aren’t I?”
It had been awhile since he had haunted my dreams, awhile since I had dreamed even. I must have fallen asleep for far longer than I’d intended to. It was odd how very aware I was of these facts at this moment. This was a dream, he wasn’t real, it would all go away, but it was all so wonderfully perfect right now that I didn’t care.
“You are,” he confirmed.
“I miss you. So much.” My voice cracked on the words, his thumb gently wiped away the tear that slid free. “I’m broken without you.”
“You’re not broken Bethany, you’re just wounded. You’ve been here before, you will survive this too.”
“I know. I know I will. I just wish you were here. All the time I wish you were here.”
He leaned forward; his lips were soft against my cheeks as he kissed my tears away. Those lips, those wondrously marvelous and warm lips were everything that I remembered as my heart hammered in eager anticipation. I felt the brush of them in every fiber of my being as warmth spread out from the point of contact. The heat seeped through my body, warming all of my frozen cells. “I wish I was here too.”
A small sob escaped me, and then his lips were upon mine, desperate and fervent in his fierce need. My heart leapt and soared in my chest, everything within me screamed for so much more. I melted against him, clinging to him, never wanting to let go of his solid arms as my mind spun with happiness and desire. Even though I knew this wasn’t real, that it couldn’t last, I allowed myself to be swept up in the joy and wonder that filled me.
It may not be just an illusion, but it was so unbelievably right that the agony within me eased. I found I could actually breathe again as his tongue swept into my mouth. His hands found my cheeks, my hair, and my collarbone before stroking over my arms once more. He moved suddenly, lifting me and settling me into his lap. His hand entangled in my hair as he pulled my head back, his lips traveled over my throat for a brief moment.
“My Bethany,” he whispered again.
I was crying freely now, I couldn’t stop it as pleasure and sorrow encompassed me. “Yes,” I agreed over and over. “Forever,” I vowed.
He pulled slowly back; his midnight eyes were brilliant, sparkling in the bright light of day. I hated the grief in them, the loss. “You must hold onto your hope Bethany.”
“I can’t hope for you to return anymore, it’s too hard, it’s too much.” I could barely speak through the agony wrenching at my soul. “I’ll love you forever and always, but I have to let myself grieve for you now. I must.”
His fingers stroked lightly over my cheeks, his head tilted slightly to the side. He was magnificent in the light, heartbreakingly handsome, and he was mine. Even if he was gone forever, he would always be mine. “I did not say hope for me Bethany. You must grieve me, you must let me go one day, but you have to hold onto your hope.”
“I have no hope anymore,” I breathed.
“Of course you do. You wouldn’t be here, and you wouldn’t be doing this, if you didn’t. You must cling to your hope, hold onto it, and use it to get you through these hard times.”
I frowned at him, not understanding what he meant, and then I got it. “I do have hope for mankind. I do have hope that we will survive.”
His grin was breathtaking, his eyes alight with delight. “I know you do, and as long as you hold onto that hope you will survive.”
I frowned; his words had broken my small bubble of bliss I’d discovered in this dream world. “Of course you know,” I whispered through the growing lump in my throat. “This is only a dream, you are only my subconscious. Of course you know that there is hope still within me, even if I hadn’t realized it until now.”
Sadness crept over him, his hands stroked through my honey colored hair as he spread it out before us. In the real world my hair wasn’t loose; it was tied back in a long braid and twisted into a bun in order to keep it from tangling to badly. It also wasn’t this clean as regular showers and bathes were a luxury that we didn’t always have anymore. I was glad that it was gleaming and shiny in this world though. I didn’t care if he was real or not, I still wanted to be clean and look as good as I possibly could for him, no matter what.
“Beautiful,” he whispered. “My beautiful Bethany.”
I closed my eyes. Even if I didn’t agree with his words, especially next to his masculine perfection, they were wonderful to hear. My nose was a little too pointy, my face still round, full, and babyish even though I’d lost weight. I was too skinny, awkward, and clumsy. There was no grace, no perfection about me, but in Cade’s eyes there was. Or at least there had been. I knew that with absolute certainty. Even with all of my imperfections he had found me beautiful, and he had loved me.
I opened my eyes, blinking away my tears as I tried to focus on his beloved face. “Magnificent Cade.”
That striking grin was back. It was even more beautiful for the rarity with which it had existed in real life. “If you say so.”
“I know so.”
His hand stilled in my hair, he bent to kiss me again. “It’s almost time for me to go, but you must remember what I said. You can do this Bethany; you can succeed where others wouldn’t. You’re so much stronger than even you realize. I know your soul, your heart, and though you’re wounded now, you will one day bring the pieces back together.”
“The biggest piece will always be missing.” He studied me for a long moment. Though this was my dream, his anguish and longing seemed almost real. Almost palpable. Once again I was struck by the strange reality of this dream. His need for me, his hurt for me and everything we’d had and everything we’d lost, was there. I could feel it. His torment beat against me so fiercely that I felt I had to say something to try and ease it. “But I can put the rest of the puzzle together,” I tried to assure him.