A time before Cade, and the hole his death had left upon my tattered soul.
I wanted to stay this way, wanted to forget and go back and never return to the stark reality of my loneliness and this cruel world. Never return to the pain that hounded me constantly, even before the brutal assault I had just endured. But I couldn’t. It wasn’t fair to any of us if I did.
I pulled away, barely able to meet Bret’s hopeful gaze as I shook my head at him. There was so much I wanted to say to him, but the words caught in my throat. What could I say? I turned away from him and took a staggering step back. I felt weak, unsteady, but I was alive and that was all that mattered.
“Where are we?” I asked quietly.
“Almost to the hospital.” I turned to Lloyd, my mouth parting in surprise. He looked exhausted. Dirt and blood streaked his pale face; his nearly orange hair was standing on end. It was apparent that they hadn’t stopped to rest.
“You need a break,” I said softly.
“We need to get to the hospital first. You need antibiotics, and we need to get this over and done with. There will be time to rest afterward.”
“If you drop…”
“We’ve made it this far.” It was the first time I noticed that Jenna was carrying my bag and gun. “It’s not much further.”
“I was out for a long time,” I mumbled.
“You lost a lot of blood.”
I nodded absently as I gazed around the forest. It was thicker through here; there were more maples and oaks dotting the landscape. Even with the denser protection, I somehow felt even more exposed. Maybe it was because I was wounded, maybe it was because I had a shirt tied around me for clothing, or maybe it was simply because I resented my weakness. Or maybe it was my selfish need for some kind of comfort in this hostile environment, even if it was from Bret.
“It’s only another mile.”
Lloyd was already walking again; I fell into step beside Jenna, staying close by her side as I avoided Bret. I cursed my cowardice, but I needed to avoid him right now. Jenna glanced at me, looking as if she wanted to say something, but she remained silent. Barney returned to my side, brushing against my legs as he danced around me.
We reached a small incline and climbed to the top of the hill. Beneath us the hospital spread out like some glittering mirage in the desert. The windows were alight in the gleam of the setting sun. It was oddly beautiful, and out of place, in the world surrounding us now. Jenna inhaled sharply; she grasped hold of my arm, her eyes gleaming with the light around us.
“I didn’t think we’d make it,” she breathed.
I squeezed her hand gently. I didn’t think any of us had thought we’d actually make it, but here we were, and there it was. And I was terrified.
I was suddenly certain that something else was going to go wrong, something far worse than the brutal assault, recently dislocated shoulder, and ugly blister I had recently endured. The three people with me seemed to feel the same as no one moved. They simply stared at the assortment of beautifully shining medical buildings.
“Should we wait till dark?” I asked quietly.
“I don’t think it matters,” Lloyd answered.
“I just want to get this over with,” Jenna breathed. “We’ve come so far.”
I swallowed heavily and managed a small nod. “Yes, we have.”
Lloyd began to make his way slowly down the hill. Bret and Jenna followed him; I reluctantly took up the rear. My gun was strapped around me again, but the weight I had once found reassuring now seemed like a mere toy. I had seen what those things could do, I had felt the pain they were capable of inflicting. A pain that I could still feel tingling through the very marrow of my bones, a pain I knew I would never forget. It was not like having a sprained ankle or broken bone, or even a torn ligament, it was a memory that would not fade with time and would haunt me for the rest of my days.
No wonder that man Cade and I had seen on the street (the only we know to have been unfrozen), had been awakened by the brutal assault that the creature had inflicted upon it. Cade had attempted to awaken Peter, his old boss, by burning him, but it had failed. I understood why now. The brand I sported on my shoulder was nothing compared to the lingering pain from when that thing had forced its way into my body. The people were frozen, completely immobile to us, but that kind of pain was something that we could never manage to inflict no matter how hard we tried. Of that I was certain.
What I wasn’t certain of was whether The Frozen Ones were dead or not. The man that had reawakened was proof that they had originally been alive, trapped within their own bodies, but that had been over a month ago. They may still be frozen, immobile statues, but they had to be dead by now. Didn’t they? They hadn’t eaten, hadn’t gone to the bathroom; hadn’t even breathed in so long. But could they somehow still be alive? Possibly even aware of their surroundings?
I shuddered at the thought; goose bumps broke out on my flesh. For a moment the world lurched and swayed, my stomach heaved violently at the thought of being trapped like that. It was the worst thing I could ever imagine happening to me. The endless torture they were enduring if they were aware of their surroundings. I’d rather be dead.
I didn’t want to die.
The thought slammed into me. For the first time I realized that it was completely true. I had been going through the motions, surviving because it was expected, hoping because there had been hope to have, but all the while there had been a deadened hole inside of me. There had been an emptiness that kept me teetering on the edge of a dark precipice. The hole, the emptiness would always be there, I knew that. But I wanted to live, I wanted to survive. I wasn’t ready for this to be the end and I was very afraid of what the hospital held for us. I should be elated we had reached our goal, I was nearly certain that we wouldn’t be leaving the building.
Tears burned my eyes and throat; I kept my head bowed as I watched every step I took carefully. I didn’t realize we had made it to the bottom of the hill until the ground leveled out before me. The day was growing steadily darker. Lloyd stopped to survey the buildings, his eyes narrowed as he knelt to rest one hand upon the ground.
“Does anyone know the layout?”
“I’ve been here once before, when my mom’s friend had a baby. If you want to know where the maternity ward is, I’m your guy.”
Lloyd scowled at Bret before turning his attention back to the hospital. “Bishop said that the pathology and laboratory departments were where we would find the things we need. They’re probably located in the main building, basement. Hopefully,” I added.