She wasn’t too upset about my delay in telling her anything. “You’ll love this place Bethy, it has hot water.”
My heart leapt eagerly into my throat. “It does?”
“Yep, it’s great!”
It was more than great; it was the best thing I’d heard in days. “Yes it is,” I agreed as she led me up the porch steps.
Aiden came bursting out the door as we reached the porch. Relief filled his face as he embraced me tightly also unaware of my injury. I tried to twist in his grasp but he held me tight as he lifted me slightly off the ground. I’d have to make sure he didn’t do it again, but I couldn’t tell him that in front of Abby. “You had us worried for awhile there.”
I smiled at him as I finally managed to break free of his grasp and removed the bag gingerly from my back. “We brought you some presents.”
His grin widened as he took the heavy bag from me. “I like presents.”
“I know you do.”
I followed him into the house, nodding greetings to some of the people that I recognized. It seemed as if the group had thinned down even more. I was sure I’d hear the reason for why, but I wasn’t ready for it now. Now I simply wanted to enjoy being with my family again, and a wonderfully hot, long shower. Molly grinned at me and waved energetically with a ball of dough clutched in her hand. I waved back as we moved past the kitchen and down the hall. The house had an old feel to it but it was in exceptional condition with fresh paint, and bright sunny rooms that had a homey quality that helped me to relax. For a moment I could almost feel safe again.
Aiden led us onto the back porch that was enclosed with giant panels of glass. The sun glinted off the glass and lit the dancing field of grass and wildflowers that rolled through the backyard. I took a moment to stop and admiring the soft beauty before me. It may not be the world I had always known anymore, but its beauty could still rob me of my breath. It could still awe me completely.
My eyes were drawn from the field as Aiden stepped past me into the room. Furniture had been shoved to the side and tables placed about. It seemed that Bishop had not expected us to fail in our mission and was well prepared for us. Bishop looked up at us, breaking into a bright grin as he shoved his glasses further up his nose. “It’s good to see you.”
“You too.” My eyes were drawn back to the windows though. “Beautiful.”
“It is,” Bishop agreed but he was already going through the bags that had been placed on one of the tables. “You guys did great. Was it difficult?”
I didn’t feel like answering that question and apparently neither did Jenna, Bret, or Lloyd as they all remained silent. Bishop wasn’t overly concerned about an answer either as he was now eagerly pawing through Lloyd’s bag. There was so much to discuss, so much to learn and do, but all I really wanted was a hot shower and maybe even a real bed if one was available. We could talk about everything later, but for right now I just wanted the simple comforts of home. I didn’t think it was too much to ask for.
CHAPTER 10
It was the first time in a long time that I was not completely filthy. I was clean; my hair was neatly brushed into a ponytail and back to its soft honey hue. My stomach rumbled slightly, but for some reason the thought of food made my stomach turn. I was worried that I might be getting sick, but I felt perfectly fine. I was still sore and slightly bone weary, but I didn’t feel ill. My appetite would come back soon; it was just buried beneath my lingering anxiety, fear, and disquiet. I had tried to take a nap, but even though the mattress was soft and the pillows inviting, sleep eluded me. I sometimes wondered if I would ever sleep normally again.
I studied my reflection in the mirror, unsure of the person staring back at me. She looked harder, older, and wiser than her seventeen years. My seventeen years. My eyes, once a sparkling bright blue, were haunted. They didn’t appear to be my eyes. Not anymore. These eyes belonged to a woman, one who had seen far too much, and experienced far more than she had wanted to in her lifetime.
My lifetime.
I had to keep reminding myself that though I did not recognize her, the woman staring back at me was actually me. I gently touched the corners of my eyes, understanding that it was my fingers touching them, but still oddly disassociated with my reflection. Gone was the young girl of only a month ago.
This woman was harder, with more pronounced cheekbones and lean muscles honed by lack of food, exercise, and training. I wanted to weep at the sight of me, but there were no tears. Not anymore. I pulled the sleeve of my shirt down, frowning at the sight of the wound marring my shoulder. It was healing well, and so far I didn’t feel anything crawling beneath my skin trying to take me over. It would just be another scar to match the scars that still marred my hip and thigh from when that thing on the beach had grabbed me. Scars I would always bare to remind me of Cade’s death, of his sacrifice for me, and of my hatred for our enemies. It could have been much worse, I reminded myself, but it did little to ease the sorrow swarming within me.
So many changes, so fast. So much lost. So much that could never be regained.
I rested my hand on the glass, pressing my palm flat against its cool surface. I didn’t recognize the person staring back at me; I didn’t recognize the person living within my skin. Harder, that was the only word I could think of. Just harder. That’s what she was. What I was.
I knew that I had to be harder to survive, we all did, but this hard? This cold? Abby still exuded innocence, Aiden still managed to smile with ease, Bishop was still excited by the prospect of learning, and even Bret retained some of his eternal optimism. And me, well I had nothing left of the girl I had once been. I was empty, out of sorts, callous. I retained love for my family and friends, but I wasn’t so sure I even liked myself anymore.
How could anyone like me anymore?
I sighed, my shoulders collapsed beneath the weight of my thoughts. I pushed back a lock of my hair. I needed to get out of here, needed to escape if only for an hour or two. I needed to be alone. Though I knew it was impossible, what I truly wanted was to escape myself, to flee from the stranger staring back at me. To shed her like a snake sheds skin.
I pulled my sleeve back up, covering the wound as I thought over the layout of the house. It was funny, the world’s population had been drastically reduced, yet I never had a chance to be alone for long anymore. There was little privacy in this world, and only one chance to escape.
I slipped two pistols into my waistband. Unfortunately, my rifle had been left downstairs. There was no way that I could retrieve it without being seen, and stopped. Shoving the window open I peered down at the ground. It was the second story, but if I hung out the window it wouldn’t be that far of a drop to the long grass below. A month ago I never would have contemplated such an action, I would have most certainly broken my ankles, now I had no fear that such a thing would happen, I was agile enough to pull this off.