I winced at his words. I had been alive for almost five months since he had slipped me his blood. More than double the amount of time than any of the others. “Why didn’t they keep them alive for longer?”
“They’re not good creatures Bethany.”
“I know that Cade, believe me I know that. Why?”
“I believe they grew bored with them.”
A single tear slid down my face, my head bowed as I gagged at his words. I knew they were right, that he was right about why they had destroyed the people so soon after they had survived the infusion of alien blood. “So there is no way to know if I will become a monster or not?”
“Bethany you will not become a monster.”
“You can’t know that!” I cried. All of those strange little differences I had noticed in me. So many of them, but the damn hunger… That was the worst. And it was only getting stronger. What was I? What had he done? “You can’t know what you created! You can’t know what I may do tomorrow or the next or the…”
He grabbed hold of my shoulders, grasping me tight. “I know you!” he said fiercely. “And no matter what changes this may bring in you, it will never change your essence. It will never change who you are.”
I wanted to believe him, but there was no way to know for sure. No way to know what I’d become. Tears filled my eyes; I bit hard on my bottom lip to keep from crying. What if I became emotionless, cold? What if I hurt someone? I couldn’t imagine drinking blood, or having someone’s soul call out to me. I couldn’t begin to fathom devouring someone’s blood and soul.
“I don’t want to hurt anyone,” I moaned.
“You won’t Bethany!” he said fervently. “You won’t. You don’t have that in you, and if it ever comes to the day where you might, I’ll take you away,” he rushed out when I opened my mouth to protest. “I will keep you safe no matter what it takes. I will take care of you no matter the consequence as long as you’ll allow me to.”
I looked sadly at him; I wanted to tell him everything I was experiencing. I found that I couldn’t. Not now. I was terrified by what was happening to me, but he didn’t need to know about it. Not yet. Maybe not ever. He felt bad enough for everything that had happened, he didn’t need this on top of it. I told myself this, but I knew the real reason was that I was too cowardly to say it out loud. If I did, it would be true, if I uttered the words allowed there would be no more denying what was going on inside of me.
“Abby and Aiden…”
“I will keep them safe also. With my life I will keep you, and everyone that you love, safe. I will not allow you to be destroyed. What I did was selfish, so incredibly selfish and I’m sorry for it, but I simply couldn’t bear the thought of living without you. Of having you die in such a way. I didn’t know what else to do to keep you safe.”
“What if I’d been one of the ones that died?” I was not angry that he had taken this chance with my life without my permission; I would have been dead if he hadn’t, or I would have been trapped, frozen in preparation of those hideous things hunting me down. That was a fate worse than death in my opinion.
Blackness momentarily filtered through his eyes again. “I don’t know what I would have done; I wouldn’t have survived being the one that destroyed you. I didn’t allow myself to think about that consequence. All I thought of, all I wanted was to save you. Please Bethany.” His hands were desperate, crushing as he pulled me against him. “Please forgive me.”
I burst into tears. I was terrified, confused, but the aching torment I heard in his voice was ripping at my insides. How could I tell him that there was something wrong with me, that he may very well have inadvertently destroyed me, when all he had wanted was to keep me alive and safe? He had sacrificed everything, everything for me. He had gone behind my back, and turned me into something different, but he had done it because he loved me. And I would have done the same. I knew that with fierce certainty as I clung to him, pulling at him with an intensity that shocked even me. I needed him. I wanted him. I would forever belong to him and be a part of him. I had been unaware of the fact that he was a part of me, engrained in my cells, bonded with me right down to my DNA.
I thought I should be mad, I wasn’t. He’d risked his life to save mine, he was willing to do anything to ensure my happiness, even step aside if I wanted him to. “There’s nothing to forgive,” I breathed against his warm neck.
“I betrayed you, I…”
“I would have done the same. To you. For you.”
“Bethany.”
The way he groaned my name caused shivers of desire to race up and down my spine. My muscles turned to Jell-O. I was putty in his hands. “That’s what Ian meant.” I said pulling slightly back as realization dawned.
Cade frowned at me; the mention of Ian caused fury to flit briefly over his features. “What he meant when?” he grated.
“When he said to me, ‘He’s inside of you. You smell and taste like him you know.’ I hadn’t understood it at the time, but he must have somehow sensed your blood inside of me. Perhaps when he drank it, or when he tried to get inside of me with that…”
“What!?” Cade snarled. I recoiled slightly, my eyes wide as black fury filled his eyes. I didn’t know if it was the fact that he was so enraged, or the fact that I now knew the truth, but for the first time his control slipped completely as lines of black zigzagged rapidly across his face and down his neck.
“It came out of him, it oozed…” I stuttered out. “It hurt like that thing did, but not…” Cade swore violently as he released me. He rose with grace and deadly speed, launching to his feet as he stormed around the forest. His hands were fisted; his arms shook with barely controlled rage. I drew my legs against my chest, suddenly frightened as the blackness began to seep down his neck. It was not him that I was afraid of, he would never hurt me, but his reaction to what Ian had done terrified me. “Cade, you’re scaring me.”
I barely recognized him as he spun toward me. It seemed as if the devil himself was seeping throughout Cade’s body, highlighting every vein as even his arms began to turn black. I imagined it ran all the way down his chest as well. Perhaps it even started at his heart and pulsed out with every fierce beat instead of originating at his eyes, like I’d first thought.