“Whose idea was it to wear hats that make us look stupid on a day when we’re supposed to feel smart?” I asked.
Julianne chuckled.
Sam crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the doorjamb. “I think you look very beautiful and incredibly smart.”
I offered a small smile. “Thanks.”
“I’m surprised you can fit your brain into that cap,” Sam added, pushing up his round tortoise shell glasses.
A single laugh burst from Julianne’s mouth, and then she pressed her lips together, shaking her head as she continued to place pins in my hair.
“Very funny,” I said, trying hard not to laugh, too.
Julianne kissed my cheek. “All done,” she said, walking to stand next to her husband.
Sam held Julianne against his side.
My mother held her fingers to her mouth and then rested her temple against Sam’s shoulder. “Look at her.”
“I’m looking,” Sam said quietly.
Their expressions were that mixture of happy and sad that I’d become accustomed to from witnessing them simultaneously mourning the daughter they had lost and celebrating the daughter they had found.
Julianne’s cell phone rang, and she answered with a chipper voice, “Hi, Veronica.” Her voice immediately lowered to a whisper, and she ducked into the hallway. “I don’t…yes, she’s here. I don’t know. I’m sure she could, but…okay. Of course. Of course. Bye.” She returned to the room, her eyes dancing between Sam and me. “Weston’s…not doing well.”
“His asthma?” I asked, taking a step.
She shook her head.
“What’s wrong?” Sam asked.
“He’s upset,” Julianne said.
I knew what she meant, and apparently, so did Sam because his eyes lit with realization.
“I don’t know how to make him feel better. I’ve tried,” I said.
“I’m not sure anyone can,” Sam said. “It’s something he might have to work out on his own.”
“He was thinking about enrolling at OSU,” I said.
“He what?” Sam said, pushing from the doorjamb to stand straight.
“Then, he asked me to enroll at the University of North Texas. It’s less than an hour from the Art Institute of Dallas.”
Julianne glanced at Sam before looking back at me. “Is that what you want?”
After some hesitation, I shook my head. “No. I want to go to OSU.”
“Then, you shouldn’t change your mind,” Sam said.
I picked at my nails. “He made good points. He said that UNT offers the same programs, but there’s not a comparable art school near OSU. Since I haven’t decided on a major, he doesn’t understand why I won’t switch schools.”
“He doesn’t have to understand,” Sam said. “I’m not apathetic to his feelings. I recognize his fear. I can’t imagine how I would feel if I were in his shoes,” he said, looking lovingly at his wife. “I’m sure it’s worrisome, not knowing what might happen when you feel strongly about someone. But he has to let you go, Erin. If it’s meant to be, it’ll work out.”
“He doesn’t have to let her go,” Julianne said. “They can make it work, if that’s what they both want.”
I nodded.
“Is that what you want?” Julianne said.
“I love him. But I love me, too.”
Julianne sighed and walked the few steps to pull me into one of her amazing hugs. “As you should.”
“He’ll be okay,” Sam said. “I have a feeling he’s anxious about a lot of things. He’s got some big changes coming up. You both do.”
Julianne gave me one more hug before releasing me. She straightened the tassel hanging from my hat and smiled. “Maybe you could go over there before we leave. Cheer him up. It should be a happy day.”
I nodded and walked past her and Sam to the hall, and then I descended the stairs. The front door whined as it opened, and I stepped out into the bright sunlight. With every step I took, my heart felt heavier, and my head felt fuller with thoughts of what to expect when I walked into the Gates’ home. Sam’s and Julianne’s words stuck to the inside of my mind, repeating to the beat of my steps.
He’s upset.
You shouldn’t change your mind for anyone.
It’s worrisome.
He doesn’t have to let her go.
Is that what you want?
He’ll be okay.
I knocked on the thick wooden door and waited. After a full minute, no one came, so I knocked again. I waited, and nothing happened.
I turned the knob, and I could hear voices coming from the back of the house, probably the living room. I walked in and closed the door behind me.
Weston’s words blurred together. His voice was raised. Peter and Veronica were trying to reason with him. He was more than upset.
“Can you just try to enjoy the day?” Veronica pleaded. “You’re not just ruining it for yourself, Weston. You’re going to ruin it for her.”
“This isn’t your last day with her,” Peter said, his voice strained. “You’ll have the whole summer.”
“Is that what Sam and Julianne said? Do they know something?” Weston said.
“No,” Peter said. “Weston, calm down. You’re getting yourself worked up.”
I heard a rattle, and then Weston took a puff of his inhaler.
“This is it,” Weston said, sounding broken. “I waited too long. We didn’t have enough time.”
“Enough time for what?” Veronica asked.
“For her to have strong enough feelings for me. She doesn’t feel the way I do.”
“Weston, you’re eighteen. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you,” Peter scolded. “Erin’s a sweet girl, but she’s not the only girl. If she moves on, then you can, too.”
“You don’t get it,” Weston said. “You just don’t get it. If you had ever loved Mom the way I loved Erin, you wouldn’t say that to me.”
“Weston!” Veronica screeched.
I turned into the bathroom and pressed my back against the wall. If they knew I had heard their conversation, they would be embarrassed, and so would I. I had to get out of there before they realized I had let myself in.