Falyn studied the ID, and then handed it to me, glaring at Alyssa. “Do you even work with Thomas?”
“Yes,” she said simply.
“So you’re in advertising too?” I asked, handing her ID to Tyler.
“No, Thomas is FBI,” Ellie said, realizing the truth as she said the words. “And you…” she trailed off, looking at Falyn with sympathetic eyes.
Everything clicked, and all at once, every lie Thomas had ever told me boiled in my blood.
Tyler offered the ID to Ellie, but she declined. “We should go. This is awkward as fuck,” he said.
We followed a diligent Alyssa to a black van with dark windows. Tyler climbed into the back with Ellie. There was already a car seat ready for Gavin. As Tyler and Ellie struggled to strap in their unconscious toddler, Alyssa buckled in and checked all of her mirrors, radioing in to someone that we were all accounted for and en route.
“Falyn,” I said, reaching for her hand. She yanked it away, and I clenched my teeth. “How in Christ’s name is this my fault?”
“Shut up,” she hissed. From hairline to neckline, red splotches began to form. Her eyes watered like they always did when she was embarrassed.
Alyssa wasn’t paying attention to our spat, but she did look in the rearview mirror at Hollis more than once. I was waiting for Falyn to catch her and say something, but when their eyes met, Falyn took the high road.
Hollis, to my surprise, rested his head against Falyn’s shoulder. She put her arm around him, and both of them seemed to relax. Falyn ran her fingers through his hair, softly singing the same tune she’d sang to him the night we brought him home. Alyssa watched with curious eyes, without judgment or jealousy, like she was observing the passing cars.
Hollis had no clue he’d just made my life a lot easier and his mom more at ease. Falyn leaned down to kiss his forehead and then looked out the window, still humming.
I rested my arm at the top of the bench seat, turning around to face my brother. He and Ellie were both staring at me, and Gavin was still sleeping, his head propped against the side of the car seat with his mouth gaping open. Ellie offered an encouraging smile. We’d spent long nights talking after Falyn left. Ellie had been to therapy enough for all of us, and I’d benefitted from it. I’d told her more than once that her advice and friendship kept me going.
Ellie reached up and placed her hand on my elbow, and I nodded to her in appreciation. It was nice to know she understood what a tense situation Falyn and I were in, and that she was right there with me.
I tapped Falyn gently with my finger, and she instantly tensed. She didn’t turn to me, so I accepted that she wasn’t going to speak to me as long as Alyssa was in the car. “I love you,” I said, running my thumb along the skin between her shoulder and neck. She didn’t shrug me off, which was the first surprise, but then she turned to me and smiled. I figured I’d say it again, hoping to get an even better reaction. “No matter what. I love you.”
A tear welled up in Falyn’s eye and spilled over onto her freckled cheek. I used my thumb to wipe it away and then held my palm against her face. She leaned into it, and my heart burst in my chest.
Thank you, she mouthed.
So that was it. She just needed Alyssa to know where she stood. Actions, not words. It made sense now why she wanted nothing to do with a quiet attempt to hold her hand. She needed a show. Women were exhausting. Ellie had tried to explain to me the logic for leaving and staying gone. It had made more sense to me to work things out together, but Ellie had assured me that it was better to try to gain some insight on the whys rather than to let my frustration lead to anger. Falyn’s reasons were always far deeper than I could understand, and sometimes deeper than she would admit. Things like needing control or leaving before she was left. Shame. Guilt. Or even worse—apathy. My brothers all seemed to get their wives better than I did, but Falyn kept me in the dark most of the time.
I was desperate to understand her and for her to understand me. Just when I was beginning to lose faith, we would have a moment, and I would feel a flicker of hope. By the look in her eyes, I could see she felt that way, too. It was so much more than her being a bitch and me being dumb. It was two people who had lugged all of their baggage into a relationship trying to sift through their own shit to see the love that brought them together in the first place.
I slipped my hand beneath her hair and began to rub her neck with my thumb and index finger. I used to do that when we’d sit on the couch and watch a movie after the kids fell asleep. It had been a long time since I’d been able to do that, and her tense muscles melted under my touch.
Alyssa touched her radio. “I have a possible on my four o’clock, six back.” I couldn’t hear a reply, but Alyssa didn’t seem alarmed.
“Someone is following us?” Hollis asked.
Alyssa smiled. “Possibly, smarty pants.”
“Is it the same guy who shot Uncle Tommy?”
“No,” Alyssa responded.
“How do you know?”
“Because he’s in jail.”
“How do you know?” Hollis asked again.
“Hols,” Falyn said, tapping him.
“Because I put him there myself,” Alyssa answered.
“You did?” Hollis said, leaning against his seat belt. “How many people have you arrested?”
“A lot.”
“How many people have you shot?”
I frowned. “C’mon, buddy.”
Hollis waited for Alyssa to answer.
“Only the ones I had to,” she said.
Hollis sat back, impressed. He hesitated before asking his next question. “Has my Uncle Tommy ever shot anyone?”
“Ask him yourself,” Alyssa said. Hollis was satisfied, but Alyssa wasn’t. “I like your name.”
“Thanks,” he said.
“What about mine?” Hadley asked.
“Yours, too,” Alyssa said.
“We should let Alyssa concentrate on driving,” Falyn said.
Alyssa didn’t skip a beat. “I can do both.”
The muscles in Falyn’s neck began to tense, and I looked for a sign that would tell us how many miles to Eakins.
“If you think someone is following us, maybe you shouldn’t,” Falyn said.
The moment the words came out of her mouth, she regretted them. Hollis looked up at her, surprised at her rudeness. Falyn and I had many late-night talks about what we would do if Alyssa wanted to be in Hollis’s life again or if he started asking questions. He knew Falyn wasn’t his biological mother, but he didn’t know more than that, and he certainly had no idea that the cool, gun-toting woman in the driver’s seat was the enigma he’d no doubt wondered about his whole life. Falyn didn’t really want to keep them from talking, but I knew it had to be hard for her.