She did, afraid her trembling legs wouldn’t support her. It hadn’t escaped her notice how Dr. Archer had avoided her question, taking calm control like a man accustomed to dealing with the worst scenarios. Given that he had an entire coven of vampires to doctor, she was sure that was the case. The doctor positioned himself on one side of her, and Jax sat on the other. Nick hovered close by, his face set in hard lines.
“I’m pleased to report that tests reveal no massive internal bleeding or damage to his major organs. Of course, we will continue to monitor the slow internal bleeding in his brain.”
Hope surged within her, but the doctor’s reserve kept it in check. “What can I do to help him?”
“Remain by his side as much as you can, at least until he turns the corner. I’m sure our prince told you how highly we value the power of the mate bond in healing.”
“He did, yes. It makes sense.”
“There’s more you should know. Brain trauma is our most immediate concern. When he arrived here, he was in shock and suffering from seizures. To be honest, he gave us quite a scare. We ran a CT scan and took X-rays. The bleeds are here.” He touched a finger to a spot behind his right ear, toward the back of his head, and then at his temple. “There’s some swelling putting a bit of pressure on his brain, but he’s breathing on his own and is showing signs of normal brain activity. We’ll know more once he regains consciousness.”
“God.” She pressed a shaking hand to her mouth. Zan could have died. She’d known that, but now it was more real. Her entire body felt frozen. “How long until we know something? Until he shows improvement?”
“There’s no way to be sure. He’s holding his own, but I want him under close observation. Once he wakes up and shows no further complications, I can have him moved to a regular room. Try not to worry, Selene. He’s strong and fit, so we have every reason to expect a full recovery—with your help.”
“When can I see him?”
“He’s being moved to intensive care. I’ll have the head nurse come get you when he’s settled, and I’ll check back later.”
Zan was back there somewhere, hurting. Fighting for his life. Her lungs and throat burned with the effort to stifle her tears, but she was determined to stay strong for Zan. If nothing else, she could do this for him.
His Pack brothers milled around, unwilling to leave without further word. Time stretched out, and the wait for more news scraped her nerves raw. “Zan,” she said through their bond, trying to reach him. There was no answer. People drifted in and out. What could be taking so long? Hundreds of possibilities loomed, all of them frightening.
Her father sat next to her and took her hand. She stared at his big hand on hers, realizing how much she’d missed her father’s comfort.
“Tarron’s healing was crucial, but I didn’t want Zan to make this sacrifice for me. I wish he’d let me go. Then you wouldn’t have to go through this.”
She gasped, glaring at her father. “Don’t you dare cheapen his gift to you by saying that! He almost gave his life for you, and that meant something to him. Don’t say that again.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, taken aback. “I didn’t look at it that way. Nothing like that will cross my lips again.”
“Thank you. And I’m sorry for snapping; I’m just scared.”
“Me too.”
“I find it hard to believe you’re afraid of anything,” she said quietly. She marveled at how he was always there for his men, always so strong. “You really care for your Pack. You could have died tonight, and your first thought is for them.”
“That’s part of my job.”
“I think it’s more to you than that. They keep you going.”
He hesitated, then sighed. “Those guys saved my life, and they don’t even know it.”
Her heart lurched. “How so?”
“I’d been in the FBI for almost twenty years, and it was time for me to move on before my human colleagues figured out I wasn’t aging. I was at loose ends and feeling down, like I couldn’t stand to start my life over one more time. And then Jarrod Grant contacted me about commanding the Pack.”
“And joining them saved your life—literally?”
“Yes.” He looked deeply into her eyes. “Selene, you haven’t lived long enough to know what it’s like to spend almost two centuries in the agonizing grip of loneliness, hoping to find your true mate, then to find him and have him taken away. I pray you never do. I’ve survived in hell ever since, struggling to find meaning in my existence.”
“Have you?”
“I’ve tried. But there comes a time when the loneliness becomes too much to bear,” he said softly. “When the guilt of one’s mistakes just won’t be assuaged, when the past just won’t die. When the body is too tired to house a dead soul. This is why humans are fortunate to be mortal, because forever is just too long.”
His words scared her terribly. Was he ready to cross over? She didn’t want to lose him, especially before they got things settled between them.
He was silent for a time, and she gave in to the temptation to press him. “What was your role in my mother’s death? Did you kill her?”
“Now isn’t the time,” he said gently.
“You’re just trying to get out of answering me!”
“No. I promise you I’m not. I mean it when I say you’re not ready to hear the truth yet. I’ll know when you are.”
“Do you miss her?”
“Every day of my life,” he croaked. “Just as I’ve missed you. When I lost you, I didn’t want to live.”
Her gaze snapped to his. “You didn’t lose me like a set of car keys. You left me.”
“No, I—look, this isn’t the time to discuss—”
Just then the middle-aged head nurse finally came through the doors, her grim expression doing nothing to calm Selene’s fears.
“You can see him now,” she said.
Selene wasn’t prepared for the sight of her mate lying in the bed, so pale and vulnerable. He was normally so full of life. Kind and funny and sweet. His expressive brown eyes were closed, lashes resting against his cheeks. There were tubes and wires all over his body. An IV in his hand.
Taking a chair next to his bed, she sat and held the hand without the IV. For a time, she watched the slow drip, drip, drip of clear medication through the line until that made her a little stir-crazy, and she went back to watching him instead.
Come on, baby. You can beat this. I know you can. The doctor says the mate bond will help you get well, and I believe that. Please, do this for me.
There was no answer.
At some point she grew weary and slept. A nurse came in later and set out a cot for her, and she gratefully stretched out beside him. Before she fell back asleep, she mentally tested their mate bond, finding it strong. It had taken some blows, but it was intact. She imagined Zan at the other end of the thread stretched between them, like he was a fish she had to reel in. Slowly, she tugged at him in her mind.
She could be wrong, but it felt like he was moving closer. Tying off her end of the thread, she at last gave in to the sandman.
Zan surfaced by gradual degrees.
At first he couldn’t place where he was at all. Sometimes he thought he heard Melina and Noah talking, but other times he heard an unfamiliar male voice. He seemed to be a doctor, and someone called him Victor . . . something. He couldn’t grasp it at the moment and didn’t care.
He drifted for a while. Tried to figure out what had happened to land him here. Wherever here was. Cracking his lids to a tiny slit, he saw stone walls. Like natural cave stone, not man-made. What the hell?
Then he turned his head, and all was suddenly okay with his world, no matter where they were. Selene was sitting in a chair beside him, fast asleep. He drank in the sight of her pale blond hair framing her face, her tall body slumped with her legs sticking out in front of her. She probably would want him to wake her, but he was tempted to let her sleep.
“Selene?” His voice sounded like he’d been gargling glass, with whiskey chasers. Baby, he sent mentally.
That seemed to do the trick. Yawning, she sat up and looked at him—then her electric-blue eyes widened. “Zan! You’re awake!”
“Hey, baby,” he whispered. “Where are we?”
Leaning forward, she touched his arm. “We’re in the prince’s stronghold. Your entourage was attacked on the way here.”
“How are you here? Why?”
“You were really bad off.” She swallowed hard, as though remembering. “They thought you might die. They sent some of the prince’s men after me, Melina, Noah, as well as Mac and Kalen. We’re all staying on as the prince’s guests until this rogue situation is resolved. The Pack is working with his men.”
“I knew we’d work with them, but we’re living here? I wasn’t expecting that.”
“That last attack changed everyone’s perspective. They’re targeting Nick and Tarron, and now you all have to find out why.” Leaning over, she kissed his lips gently. “Enough about that right now. How are you feeling?”
He thought about that. “Head aches some. Tired.”
“My poor mate. I don’t want you to think about anything but getting well, all right?”
His eyes got heavy, and he slid back into sleep.
When he awoke again, he was feeling better. The ache in his head wasn’t as bad, and he wasn’t as tired. But where was his mate? Selene?
Coming, honey. Are you all right?
Better. I just wanted to see your beautiful face.
Just then she walked into his room, her smile only for him. He smiled back, but he was sure his expression looked as drugged as he felt.
“I leave to eat lunch, and there you are.” She sat next to him and took his hand, kissed his lips. “Been awake long?”
“No, just a minute. Where is everyone?”
“The team is around the stronghold somewhere. Some have been in to see you, but you weren’t awake. My father’s been here a lot, and so has Jax. Everyone has been really worried.”
“I’m all right. Especially now that I’m with you again.”
She looked pleased by that. “Our mate bond helped you turn the corner and get well.”
“If anybody could help me do that, it’s you.”
Her happiness dimmed. “You almost died, though. I know Melina is coming to talk with us soon.”
He had a feeling he knew what she was going to say. And he would be able to heed her words pretty much like he had before—not at all.
“I’ll listen to her, but—”
“I know, honey. You don’t have to explain to me. I’ve got my father and a grateful vampire prince who owe you their lives. I know why you do what you do and that you wouldn’t change it.”
“You really do understand.”
“Yes. Doesn’t always make it easier to accept or not to worry, but I get it.”
Noah came bustling in, checked his vitals. After the nurse left, he figured it wouldn’t be long before the doc followed, and he was right. Melina came in, her elfin face wearing a carefully composed frown. He wondered if she practiced that look in the mirror to intimidate her patients and instantly felt bad for the uncharitable thought. The doc was dedicated to her work, and she was good at it.
“Zander, we need to talk,” she began.
“Do we? I already know what you’re going to say.”
“I have to say it anyway—Zan, you cannot heal anyone again for at least six months if you want to stay alive. That’s the short version.”
“And the long version?”