We were sitting in the dark, a foot apart. Every part of me wanted to be physically closer to her, and now she was tugging on my heart. ‘Well … you’re smart, and determined, and you care about people.’
My lips fell open. ‘You think I’m smart?’
She nodded once, face still pressed against her knee. ‘I know you are. You hide it, though. Because of people like Boyce?’
I lifted a shoulder, one knee up and the other leg sprawled. The underside of my boot was halfway to the opposite wall. This fort was made for six-year-olds. ‘No. Boyce doesn’t rag me about stuff like that.’ Boyce only rags me about wanting a girl I can’t have. ‘I don’t see the point – school, grades, all that. My grandpa quit school when he was two years younger than me, and my dad has a PhD in economics – but what difference did it make? They both ended up working on a boat.’
She blinked. ‘Your dad has a PhD? Then why is he – I mean, why wouldn’t he do something more …’
Lips pressed together, I turned my head to watch her stumble over this knowledge – something I’d not shared with anyone else, even Boyce. ‘More prestigious? Or something that makes more money?’
She shrugged, embarrassed for her impolite question, but still curious.
‘He did. Then my mom … died.’ I stared at the sky. ‘And we moved here. And whatever he learned or did before was just a big f**king waste of time.’
‘So you don’t want to go to college?’
‘I don’t know. I mean, I wouldn’t know how to pay for it if I did.’
I felt my face burn and was glad for the darkness. This was Melody Dover, for chrissake, and lack of money was a weakness to people like her. Weak was the last thing I wanted to appear to Melody.
‘You could get a scholarship, maybe.’
I didn’t want to tell her I’d well and truly blown that to hell. My GPA wouldn’t inspire admiration in institutions of higher learning. I probably wouldn’t be admitted, let alone given a free ride.
I shoved my hand into my hair to push it off my face, and she reached up to trace the tattoo over the back of my wrist with one finger. I brought my hand down, slowly, and rested it between us. ‘I like this,’ she said, moving to the lick of flame over my triceps, tracking it along the cut of my biceps and up under the sleeve of my T-shirt. ‘And this.’
‘Thanks.’ My vocal chords failed me, and the word was a whisper. Our eyes met, lit by stars and moonlight alone.
She pulled her hand back into her lap. ‘Thanks for texting me tonight, Landon. And for coming over. I didn’t want to be alone after this full-of-suck day. Pearl has a ten o’clock curfew, and I guess Clark is asleep – he never answered me.’
I knew for a fact that Clark Richards was closing a deal with Thompson tonight and was currently getting high on the other side of town. ‘No problem.’
LUCAS
She said okay.
I dropped the pad on to Jacqueline’s floor and pressed her to the mattress, carefully, but with no hesitation, the tips of my fingers tracing the pale veins at her wrists. Her heartbeat vibrated under my fingertips, ticking almost double the count of seconds in a minute. My fingers followed those blue trails until they vanished into the crook of her elbows, her skin too fragile and soft to be real.
‘You’re so beautiful.’ I may have spoken the words aloud or inside my head. I wasn’t sure which.
My lips closed over hers, more carefully than I’d ever kissed anyone. I was terrified to startle her. Afraid she would retreat and never trust me with this chance again. Afraid she would equate me with that ass**le who hurt her – who would have hurt her so much more.
I shoved him from my mind as though I’d pushed him from a cliff. He was not a part of this. I wouldn’t let him in.
I touched my tongue along the seam of her lips – a quiet enquiry and a promise to withdraw if required. But she opened her mouth, and my blood ignited, rolling below my tattoos like tiny ribbons of fire. Her tongue touched mine – a connection I hadn’t imagined would be allowed, and one that incited an ache for more. I swept my tongue across hers and she sighed and trembled beneath me.
I placed one hand over her wrists and one at her waist, as if I could ground her to this moment. Exploring her was suddenly all I was meant to do in this life. When I sucked on her plump lower lip, so unbearably sweet, her breath caught. My tongue drove into her mouth, harder, seeking more of her, and her hands turned to fists beneath my hand. I released her instantly, fearing I’d frightened her with the intensity of what I felt, praying I hadn’t – but her eyes opened, and I read nothing there but wonder.
I placed her hands round my neck and sat up, pulling her into my lap as her hands wound into my hair and God almighty she could have asked anything of me in that moment and I’d have granted it.
Her head fitted into my hand as I inclined her back, tipping her chin to kiss that freckle I’d noticed while sketching. My lips moved lower, so slowly, my entire body on alert for any sign of too far from her. Her chest rose and fell, the soft pant of each breath echoing into the room and blending with mine above the music from her laptop that had faded to the background. I knew the songs but couldn’t have said or cared what they were as my free hand wandered beneath her sweater.
I skimmed greedy fingertips over her ribs and up over the silky fabric of her bra, pushing her sweater higher. Her accelerating breaths feathered over my face and fanned my hair as I ran my tongue along the curve of her bare skin, just above the cup.
The tiny clasp was in the front. One press between my thumb and index finger followed by a half-inch slide would open it, but my brain won out. This would be too far. My conscience whispered from the other side of the door that I was kidding myself with this mental pretence of gallantry. This entire night was too far, and I damned well knew it.
I should leave, I thought.
And then she laughed. Not even a laugh, really – more like a strangled giggle, ricocheting through the room at the strangest possible moment.
‘Ticklish?’ I asked, because I couldn’t imagine another reason for her to laugh at such a point. She bit down on her lip, much too hard. I wanted to object that she was injuring a part of herself I was prepared to spend the next hour adoring. I’d dreamed about her lips, her mouth, her tongue – I didn’t want her putting any of them out of play. She shook her head, no, and I stared at her lush mouth and asked, ‘You sure? Because it’s either that … or you find my seduction techniques … humorous.’