She leans back to look me in the eyes. ‘I don’t think you should ever even consider talking to her again unless you want to, no matter what happens.’
‘I won’t,’ I say. ‘Although, I was kind of curious what she had to say … probably something bad, but still she’s …’
‘She’s your mom and you feel like you have to talk to her,’ Callie finishes for me. ‘But she needs to start acting like a mother before you treat her like one.’
‘I’m not sure I ever want to anyway.’
‘Then don’t. You don’t owe her anything.’
Her words are exactly what I need to hear, and I no longer want to dwell on family stuff. I want desperately to let go of it, so I change the subject. ‘You and your brother seem to be getting along.’
She shrugs, staring up at me with those beautiful eyes of hers. ‘It’s been nice hanging out with him.’
‘Good. I’m glad. It’s nice to see you happy around your family.’
‘My mom wants us to come visit,’ she says, emphasizing her point that I’m included in this.
‘Dylan wants us to do the same thing,’ I say, mimicking her emphasis.
It gets her to laugh, her eyes crinkling at the corners. ‘Families are needy, aren’t they?’ As soon as she says it, she looks worried, like she’s offended me or something.
‘Callie, you don’t have to be careful with me. You can say the word family and I’ll be fine.’ I catch her gaze flick to my wrists, which I’m proud to say are free of any fresh cuts. ‘And besides, I’m learning that family doesn’t always mean what I thought it did. Dylan and his wife are nice, and Tyler wasn’t a dick.’ Keeping one hand on her back, I put the other on her cheek. ‘But honestly, you’re more of my family than anyone else. All I need is you and me and our tiny little apartment, and I’m good. I realized that while I was in Virginia.’
She swallows hard, her eyes welling up, but she looks happy not sad. ‘Good, because it’s all I need, too.’ Then she stands up on her tiptoes and plants a soft kiss on my mouth. ‘From now on,’ she whispers against my lips, ‘we take all trips and vacations together.’
‘Deal,’ I say then coax her lips apart with my tongue so I can kiss her as deeply as I want.
We keep moving and kissing until the song ends. When it switches to a faster tempo one, I decide to step up my skills. Like the first time we danced, I slide my hand down her arm, push her out then spin her around until she crashes into my chest.
She busts up laughing, throwing her head back. ‘You know, we may not have gotten to party like rock stars, but we sure as heck can dance like them.’
‘We sure as hell can,’ I say, spinning her around and around until she’s laughing so hard she’s crying. ‘We can do anything – you and me – when we’re together.’
Her laughing silences as she stares up at me. ‘I want this … you and me … forever.’
I wet my lips with my tongue, noting how much my heart accelerates, noticing how much I don’t want to run.
Stay.
Stay.
Stay.
My heart beats.
Forever.
And ever.
And ever.
‘Me, too,’ I say then kiss her with as much passion as my heart is carrying, letting her know just how much I love her, and that I always will.
Chapter 23
#165 Accept the Phone Call You’ve Been Dreading.
Kayden
A week passes without anything major happening, and I think, Maybe my life is finally going to get some normalcy. My days consist of practice, school, Callie, work, Callie, and practice. I love the routine and it starts to get me wondering if maybe Dylan was right, perhaps it’s time to let everything with my father go. Move on. Accept football might be my thing and just own it. It doesn’t need to be associated with my father if I don’t want it to be.
Yep, everything is going great in that thing we call life until I got that goddamn call.
The thing is, I knew it was coming, knew it would happen eventually. But what I wasn’t prepared for was who would deliver the news to me. Maybe if I did, I could have prepared myself more.
The unknown number should have been a red flag, but I was working on a final paper and so I was a little distracted when I answered it.
God, I wish I hadn’t been distracted.
‘Your father’s dead.’ The sound of my mother’s voice almost sidetracks me from what she said.
‘How the fuck did you get my number?’ I shove the textbooks out of the way and sit up in Callie and mine’s bed. ‘Did Dylan give it to you?’ If so, then I’m super pissed. And hurt.
She lets out a hollow laugh. ‘Yeah, right. Like he would ever do that. He thinks he’s protecting you from us by keeping us disconnected.’
I relax a little, relieved Dylan didn’t betray me. And I’m a little pissed off at myself for instantly jumping to that conclusion. ‘He is, though.’
‘Well, you can believe what you want,’ she says, her icy tone unsettlingly familiar. ‘But people shouldn’t disown their family.’
‘I didn’t disown you. You chose to leave and I chose not to let you back in.’ I swing my legs over the edge of the bed, putting my feet on the floor. ‘And I’ve been doing fine with that choice – better than I have my entire life.’
‘Well, I’m sorry we make you so miserable.’ She sounds anything but sorry. Irritated, yes. Sorry, no. There’s a pause and I think she’s waiting for me to disagree with her statement, but I’m not going to. ‘Well, anyway. I thought I’d call to let you know you’re now officially fatherless.’
‘Okay.’ Again, I feel nothing.
Nothing.
Empty.
Cold.
Without a heart.
Except I do have a heart.
It just beats for someone else.
For people who deserve it.
Callie.
‘Jesus, Kayden, you could at least pretend to sound upset about it,’ she says in a surprisingly even tone for someone who just lost her husband.
‘Yeah, well, I guess I’m not as good at pretending as you are.’ I lower my head into my hand, wanting to take what I said back because it’s rude and spiteful, and I don’t want to be that. But I can’t bring myself to retract what I’m really feeling and pretend.
‘I can’t believe how you’re acting,’ she snaps. ‘I raised you to be better than this. Raised you to be the kind of person that would at least come say goodbye to their father before he passed. You know how weird it looked to the doctors and nurses for none of his children to show up?’ My mother has always been into appearances, her motto being that as long as everyone thinks everything is perfect, then it is.