She didn't even know what the hell she was anymore.
She took a deep breath, but panic filled her when she didn't feel her lungs expand with the reassuring rush of air filling them. She almost started to scream, almost completely unraveled then and there. She needed fresh air, needed to be outside, but she couldn't breathe, and she couldn't go outside.
The sun was her enemy now.
She began to shake as she fought back tears. Devon grasped hold of her arms and pulled her against him. He wrapped his hand around her head and pulled it into his shoulder as he held her. "It will pass, it will pass. Just relax love. It will be ok. Liam get me some blood."
Cassie couldn't stop the small moan that escaped her, her fingers dug into Devon's back. Her stomach twisted eagerly in response to the word and the image that it conjured. Devon pushed her back a step and turned on the light as he maneuvered her into the bathroom. She kept trying to breathe, she felt that if she could simply breathe she would feel better, but it was futile. Devon cradled her closer; he buried his head in her hair as he swayed her comfortingly back and forth.
A muffled knock on the door distracted him; he opened it and took something from someone. She listened as he closed the door again, a tearing sound filled the air, and then the sweet smell of something hit her. She knew what the smell was, knew what it meant as a rushing wave of thirst assailed her.
"It's necessary that you drink this." Cassie kept her eyes closed as she fought against the dread crushing her. "Cassie, please, it will make you feel better. You have to do this."
Tears burned her eyes. What was wrong with her? She had craved this and now that she had it she was acting like a child. A confused, frightened, child. "What's wrong with me?" she choked out.
Devon grasped hold of her chin and lifted her face to his. "Look at me."
Cassie steeled herself and opened her eyes. His beautiful emerald eyes filled her vision, his fingers stroked over her face as his gaze searched her. "It's the shock," he told her. "It's an awful shock, but you will survive this. I swear."
The tears slipped down her face as she was acutely reminded of the reason she had coveted this so badly. It was him. It would always be him! For him she could do anything, including drinking blood, including giving up the sun, including quite possibly becoming a monster. He bent to kiss her tears away.
"I'll survive this," she promised.
He smiled tremulously as he bent to kiss her again. "Yes. Take this."
Her hand shook as he slipped the bag of blood into it. The tingling in her mouth increased, a small groan escaped her as she felt her canines spring free. She almost recoiled, almost threw the bag aside, but the twisting discomfort in her stomach and veins caused her hands to clamp down on it instead. "Devon," she groaned.
"It will make you feel better, more in control, and it will ease the pain."
Her hands shook as she lifted the bag. She stared at the blood, repulsed and ravenous all at once. The hunger won out over the revulsion as she seized hold of the bag and drained it in one greedy gulp. She thought that it would be awful, thought that she would hate it, but it was the most delicious thing she'd ever tasted.
Seeming to sense her thoughts, Devon tore open another bag and handed it to her. She drained seven more bags before finally beginning to feel more in control, more like herself. She shook off Devon as he tried to hand her another bag. "No, I'm good." She melded into his embrace as she sought solace in his loving arms. "Will it always be like this?"
"No, you will gain more control of yourself. You are still new, you're body is still adjusting and going through the transition. It takes a little while, but soon you will be able to control yourself better, soon you will recognize your hunger before the need gets out of control. You must remember that you are different too. You are the first Hunter to make this change, and you were brought through the transition by Elder blood and Hunter blood. No one has done that before, you're body is pulsing with a lot of power right now. I think that is why the sun burned you so quickly and badly. You have to take things slow and realize that it will not come to you overnight."
"Do you think that is why I can absorb powers too?"
Devon was thoughtful, his eyes distant. "I don't know Cass; it's a learning curve for all of us right now. But is that what you feel like you're doing, absorbing powers?"
Cassie thought over what it had been like, what she had known she could do, without ever having done it. From the moment she had felt Julian's power seep into her upon waking, giving her the knowledge of The Elders powers, and Devon's possession of two of them, she had known that she had become a sponge of sorts. It had been a rushing thrill unlike anything she'd ever known. Though she felt more in control of herself now, more rational and human, she knew that the power was still lingering beneath the surface, waiting to absorb more.
"Yes, I believe so. Somehow, touching a person gives me insight into what they are able to do. I absorb that power into myself along with the knowledge of how to use it. Absolute power..."
"No Cassie," he said as his hands clasped her face.
She took hold of his hands and pulled them away from her face to hold them before her. "I know what Matthew saw Devon. I saw it myself; I felt the truth of it inside of me. I don't know what is inside of me now, what could become of me, or how to control it." She lifted his hands before him and turned them over within her grasp. "I know how you use your ability, and I have it Devon. I could use it too."
"That doesn't mean that Matthew's vision will come true. You also saw a different version Cassie, a good one. I know you, I know what you are capable of, and it is not evil."
"Isn't it though? When I killed Isla it was pure hatred and rage that fueled me, that gave me the strength to do it. You think now, that I have something more inside of me, I am not capable of so much worse?"
"You may be capable of it, but you are also capable of so much good! It is that we have to focus on and strive for. We have thwarted visions before; Matthew's will be no different."
Cassie strived to believe his words, but she couldn't get the awful image of Matthew's visions out of her head.
***
"Stop doing that." Devon seized hold of Cassie's hand and tugged it away from the window as she stuck it into the beam of sun once more. Her skin sizzled, smoke rose from her, but she still frowned at him in annoyance. He hated the fact that she continued to torture herself this way. "Stop."
She turned her hand over in his and nodded. "It's just so weird," she murmured.