"Not like I was then," I say, watching as the trepidation morphs to dejection. "I was naïve, Karissa. I thought perfection existed, and I thought I'd found it. I thought I was untouchable, that nothing and nobody could ever take away what I had. I was happy, because I was a fool. I've learned a lesson since then, a hard lesson, and I can't be that person anymore. I can never be that happy again."
She ducks her head, averting her eyes. I reach out and cup her chin, pulling her face up so she'll look at me again. I don't want her to misconstrue this, or walk away thinking I'm saying something I'm not.
"I'm not naïve anymore," I tell her. "But that doesn't mean you don't make me happy, because you do… in your own way. What I have with you isn't blissfully ignorant. It's real, and it isn't always pretty, but when it's good, it's good. So yeah, I'm happy, Karissa. A different kind of happy. The kind of happy that says even if this all destroys me, and it might, it'll all be worth it."
She smiles, a small smile, as she slips into my arms, nuzzling into my chest. I press my cheek to the top of her head, rubbing her back, when a throat clears from the doorway. Glancing over, I meet a set of beady dark eyes that pierce through us.
Martina Angelo.
"Mrs. Angelo," I say politely. "Nice to see you."
She says nothing, turning from me to look at Karissa. She curves an eyebrow judgmentally, her eyes scanning her slowly, picking her apart with a gaze. After a moment, the woman looks at me again. "Dinner's ready. Ray was looking for you. Figured you were off with your…" She waves toward Karissa dismissively. "Her."
Martina walks away, leaving us alone again. Karissa looks up at me questioningly. "Ray's wife?"
"Yes."
She shakes her head. "I like Brandy so much better."
Their dining room table is massive, packed to the brim on both sides with chairs. The two closest to the head of the table adjacent to Ray remain empty. I pause as I give the room a glance, surveying the others, before leading Karissa to the empty chairs. I pull one out, whispering for her to take a seat.
She does so hesitantly.
I push it back in, offering Ray a polite nod as I sit down, taking my place between them.
Caught in the middle…
Dinner is strained. I can feel the tension all around me, wrapping its hands around my throat and squeezing. The others eat heartedly, laughing and drinking, happy to be here. A few months ago, I would've felt the same way.
But something changed.
I changed.
I'm not sure if it's in a good way.
I cut my eyes toward Karissa, watching as she stirs her food around with a fork. I don't think she's eaten any of it.
Neither have I.
Leaning over, I whisper in her ear. "Not hungry?"
She edges closer, her voice only loud enough for me to hear. "You weren't eating, so I figured it might not be safe for me, either."
Her lips curve into a small smile as I laugh, shrugging when she cuts her eyes at me. Her smile turns to laughter before Ray clears his throat beside us, garnering our attention. "Got something funny you'd like to share?"
Karissa silences immediately, as I turn to Ray. "Private joke."
He doesn't look amused.
His gaze burns through me for a moment before his focus turns to Karissa. "So, Miss Rita—"
"Reed," she interjects. "My name is Karissa Reed… not Rita."
The entire room grows silent, the sound of clanking forks so loud I see Karissa flinch at the unexpected noise. People don't correct the boss, nor do they talk back to him. He could call you fucking Benedict Arnold and the rest of these guys would tolerate it so not to rock the boat.
But boat rocking is in Karissa's nature.
It's a side effect of her mother's smothering.
"Reed," Ray says, his voice terse. He's not sure how to react to her declaration. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but your father's Johnny Rita."
There's a sharp exhale through the room. That name is like poison—nobody wants to breathe it. Karissa glances around before clearing her throat and looking at Ray. "As far as I'm concerned, I have no father. My name has always been Karissa Reed."
Ray looks to me and lets out a laugh. It's cold, sending a chill through the air. "She certainly doesn't have a father now, does she, Vitale?"
He's usually not one to discuss these sorts of things in public, but he's trying to prove a point—a point that's clearly made when I see Karissa tense from my peripheral. Shaking my head, I look down at my plate. "No, she doesn't."
"Good thing, too," Ray says. "One less Rita means one less traitor in the world. Isn't that right?"
He's staring right at me. I can feel his eyes burning through my skull. My fingertips tingle, itching to wrap around his throat for him asking me these questions in front of her. But I have no choice but to respond, and to give him the answer he wants to hear.
"Right," I say. "One less traitor."
Ray laughs again, his voice barely loud enough for us to hear. "So many more to go."
As if dinner weren't strained before, it's practically torture now. They all go back to acting as if the exchange hadn't happened, and Ray drops the subject like he hadn't been about to address Karissa in the first place. His work here is done, his goal accomplished. He wanted to put me in my place, wanted to show her who called the shots, and she saw it. She's feeling it. I can tell from the way she's not looking at me, the way she's not looking at anything.
She's still here, but she's gone.
Dessert is on the table, Double Chocolate Biscotti being served with coffee. I know Karissa would love it, but she doesn't even acknowledge it's there. The others are laughing, but she's on the cusp of tears. I can see her hands shaking in her lap as she fights to hold her emotion in, but it's getting to be too much.
Grabbing my napkin from my lap, I toss it on the table and stand. Leaning toward Ray, I whisper, "We're heading out now."
He looks at me. "So soon?"
I don't have to respond. He doesn't give me a chance, anyway. He stands up the same time Karissa does and reaches for her. His hands clasp a hold of hers before she can pull them away.
"I'm glad you could join us," he says, pressing yet another kiss to the back of her hand. "Always a pleasure, Miss Rita. Always a pleasure."
She pulls away without responding and jets from the room. Ray turns to me, slapping a hand on my shoulder and squeezing before sitting back down.
"Thanks for dinner," I say, although he knows I didn't eat a bite of it.