“But you didn’t—”
“It’s what’s on my record. I’m considered a sexual predator, whether I like it not, whether I forced you or not. And let’s not forget the murder part. I killed two people.” When she winced, I went on, pushing harder. “With my bare hands. There’s no technicality about that. I killed them. And it changed me. No matter what either of us want, I’m never going to be that innocent boy you fell in love with.” Shaking my head, I thumped my hands against my chest. “There’s nothing here for you any longer, City.”
She sniffed and wiped at her face as her eyes filled with tears. “See, I listen to everything you say, but all I heard was you calling me City. I didn’t think I’d ever hear you call me that again. And yet, here you stand, and I...I just can’t believe you’re really here. It’s really you, yet you keep pushing me away.”
“Christ,” I muttered, wiping my face. I glanced away, unable to watch the tears glistening from her cheeks. I wouldn’t be able to watch much more of this. She was shredding my willpower. “Don’t do this.”
Her shoulders shuddered and her throat shifted as she swallowed. “But I don’t know if I can stop.” Her voice was soft, raspy. Tormented.
I had to shut this shit down—now—before she broke me. “Then you’d better get a fucking clue,” I snapped. “My entire family is dead or gone to who knows where. I had to get my high school diploma in prison. I’m starting over with nothing but a goddamn criminal record under my belt. I don’t have a need or desire to reminisce about the old times. Getting tangled up with you once ruined me; I’m not going there again. I just want to put it all behind me and get on with living the rest of my life. Okay?”
She stared at me, her eyes swimming in tears. I had to be the biggest bastard ever. The urge to yank her into my arms suffocated me. I couldn’t breathe past the yearning to hold her and apologize.
Why did I still have to feel that all-consuming need to protect and soothe her?
I drew in a tight breath. When I exhaled, I knew I was going to reach for her and apologize. But she nodded.
“I know you said you’ve changed, and you’re not the same Knox. I can see that for myself. Quite clearly. But there still has to be something in your heart. I know what’s deep inside you. I don’t think a person’s core—their true nature—can change this much.”
Damn it, we’d gotten way too close all those years ago. Even though I knew I’d never be able to lie to her, I still tried. “Well, I disagree.”