All I could do was look down at my hands and nod my head, holding back a sense of hopelessness. Bearen commanded me to get some sleep because we would be leaving come first light. Odin brought me a blanket and I curled by the fire, willing myself to sleep. I lay awake picturing my return to the village and fearing what would happen when they learned I was no longer the same young innocent girl that left months ago, but something that represented everything they hated. Shivering, I felt Faraway try and soothe me and then he sent me a thread of power to make me sleep. I prayed for a dreamless sleep.
Chapter 2
The next morning we woke before sunrise and were on the move again. My back and legs were sore from riding so many hours in the saddle, and I wished for a moment to apply the salve that Mara gave me to my muscles, which was sitting ever so tempting in my saddle bag. But my fellow clansmen were in a hurry and spoke little as they packed and readied to leave.
Once again, I found myself in the middle of the group. When the road became too narrow to pass side by side, Bearen and Fenri rode lead, Forsk scouted ahead, while Hemi, Eviir and Aldo rode rear guard. No one was in the mood for talking so I spent most of the ride silently conversing with Faraway. Odin rode to the side of me whenever the road would allow and he would shoot me little worried glances.
Finally fed up with his worried looks, I decided to confront him. “What is it, Odin?” He looked embarrassed that I caught him.
“You have changed, little one,” He paused, thinking. “What has happened has made you grow up too soon.” Looking at the road ahead he went on, “The bad ones have stolen some of your carefree spirit. Instead you look like you are ready to meet the executioner.”
“I can’t help it, Odin; I’m scared.” Reaching down, I began to rub Faraway, more in an effort to comfort myself than him. “I’m going back to where it all started. I’m hoping that by retracing my steps, it will bring back the memories of what happened that night. Somehow, I disappeared amidst friends, family and all of my clansmen and no one saw anything.” Letting out a deep sigh I looked intently at Odin and let all of the fear and anxiety I was trying to hide show in my face. Lowering my voice, I whispered, “What if it happens again?”
“We will be prepared this time, Thalia.” He sat up straighter on his horse, slapping a closed fist against his breast. “No one will steal one of the daughters of the Valdyrstal clan again.” His eyes shone bright at the thought of battle. “They will taste our blades and wish for a swift death, but will be granted a long and painful one.”
I shuddered at the bloodlust that was evident in Odin’s eyes. The clan’s ruthlessness and protective spirit was probably why the Septori had not taken any children before me. I wondered what had changed. Thankfully the path we were traveling on narrowed and he had to drop back to follow behind me. I let my mind wander and settle on Joss, his crooked grin, sandy blonde windblown hair and blue green eyes deep with emotion, and my heart sang with joy before plummeting in shame.
I felt a pang of guilt at leaving the way I did, but I knew that I couldn’t fully open up to Joss unless I knew more about myself. I owed Joss more. I knew deep down I wasn’t being fair to Joss.
Kael’s stern face slowly formed in my mind and I tried to blink it away, tried to think of anything else. But Kael fighting his way out of the prison flashed through my mind, and then Joss appeared again bandaging my head. My own mind did a review of all of my encounters with Joss and Kael: Joss holding my hand during my bone setting; Kael fighting off a pack of mad dogs; Joss arguing with Healer Prentiss on my behalf; Kael killing the assassin; Joss stubbornly guarding me while I slept. Back and forth each scene played out and I felt more conflicted about Kael and Joss.
And then a thought hit me and I almost pulled Faraway to a standstill as the enormity of what I was doing sank in. I was running away. I was running as far as I could from all of the conflicting emotions.
My hands trembled as I realized, in some crazy way, I had some feelings for Kael as well. Joss was handsome, caring and safe, while Kael was striking, insensitive and spiteful.