“Wrong,” he growled. “It should have everything to do with it.”
“What?”
He watched me beneath hooded eyes. “You don't fear me, Estelle. You fear what I can make you feel. If you didn’t feel when I touched you, then there wouldn’t be anything between us. And there is something between us. Something that deserves to be explored.”
I hated that he was right. I hated that he could see right through me and didn’t give me anywhere to hide. I’d tried so hard to ignore him. I forced myself to forget the delicious sensation of his fingers inside me. I downplayed the epic release under his control. And I definitely didn’t let myself dream of stealing him into the forest and finishing what he started.
I wanted him.
So, so much.
But he was right. I was frightened. For reasons I still didn’t understand.
Galloway looked into the fire, granting me a brief reprieve from his gaze. “I don’t know anything about you, Estelle. You won’t talk about where you’re from or who you are. You won’t let me in. But this is our life now. We don’t know how long we’ll be here. And I’m sick to bloody death of lying in bed at night so damn hard from wanting you and not knowing where I stand.”
His English accent. His words. They dripped like morphine through my blood, blocking my concerns.
My temper hissed. “I don’t tell you stuff? What about you? Whenever I ask the simplest question you shut me down. Don’t be hypocritical, Galloway, it doesn’t suit you.”
I would never tell him I understood his pathological need for secrets. I wasn’t comfortable sharing pieces of myself, handing over my history, and willingly opening my world to another’s criticism. I respected his need for space because I demanded the same.
Besides, I already know more than he thinks.
“Hypocritical? You want to play that card?” He bared his teeth. “Fine. Let’s focus on who’s the true hypocrite, shall we?”
My mouth fell open. “You can’t mean me.”
“Got it in one.”
“How?”
His eyes narrowed. “You kissed me first, remember? You’re the one who started this.”
“That kiss was a mistake. We’d just crashed and were so thirsty we were a day away from dying. Excuse me if I gave into a spur-of-the-moment decision to have some happiness before I died.”
“And it was a bloody amazing kiss.” His hands tightened on his spear. “Do you deny it?”
I gritted my teeth. I wanted to deny it. If I did, it might put an end to this ludicrous conversation. But I’d never been a liar. I ran, yes. I hid, yes. I went out of my way to avoid a fight from anyone. But I’d never been a liar.
I hung my head. “It was good. That I can't deny.”
“And the other day, when I made you come. Didn’t that feel equally amazing?” The smugness in his tone irritated me.
My hackles rose. “Besides the point.”
“No, it’s the point. Answer the question. Did you or did you not like what I did to you?”
How dare he put me on the spot? What if Pippa and Conner could hear us?
“Galloway, stop—”
“No, I won’t stop. Not until you put me out of my goddamn misery.”
I breathed hard. “How?”
“Tell me the truth.”
“What truth?”
“Can I have you or not? Will you let me take you to bed? Will you give in to whatever links us and put us both out of pain, or will you be stubborn and continue to avoid me?”
Keeping my notebook a secret was forgotten as I brought the pages in front of me and hugged it. I squeezed it as if the answers Galloway demanded could be found in its lined papyrus. “I—I don’t know what to say.”
“Do you want me or not? Simple question. Simple answer.”
I sucked in a breath.
Nothing was simple about that. It was layered with commitment and the strength of putting my heart on the line when nothing was assured about our future.
“I don’t know.” My voice was a moth, fluttering and soft.
“Yes. Yes you do, Estelle.” Galloway propelled himself upright, grabbing his crutch and hobbling closer. “Tell me. Right now. Yes or no.”
“Yes or no to what?”
“To us, goddammit!”
I looked at the moon-silvered beach, fearing Conner and Pippa’s return. “I can’t answer that.”
And don’t ask me why because I don’t know why.
I wanted him. I feared I might be in love with him. But I wouldn’t let myself be any weaker than I already was. If I let him consume me, how would I survive if he died? How would I cope if he got sick and I couldn’t heal him? How would I continue living here (in the epitome of loneliness and seclusion) if something happened to him?
No. It was too much. I had to remain a safe distance.
Care for him.
Love him.
But not fall in love with him. Never give him my heart because it would destroy me.
“Yes, you can. It’s easy.” He hobbled closer. “Nod for yes or shake your head for no.” His free hand went between his legs, cupping the long erection visible in his board-shorts. “Let me know if you want this...want me.” His jaw clenched as he thumbed the crown. “One little word, Estelle, and you have me. I’ll let you command me every damn day we’re on this godforsaken island and every day after. Just...say the word.”