“I don’t race the Harley.”
“Well, then I should have set that Ducati on fire,” she said with a smile.
I tapped my fingers on the table, knowing that anything I could have said would have only earned me another foot deeper in the hole I’d apparently dug. “I was fine.”
“If you’re so fine, then how did you send your fiancée fleeing first thing in the morning? She didn’t even pause for coffee.”
“She…” I shook my head. “I raced the bike last night.”
“Joshua Walker.”
“It was stupid, but Evan—”
“Evan? We moved away from here for a reason. I know you were hurt in Afghanistan, but I don’t think it knocked you back eight years.”
I dropped my head to my hands. “She wants things I can’t give. I’m not capable.”
Mom reached across the table until her hands covered mine. “Then figure out how to give them to her.”
“Maybe she’s better off without me. Did you ever think of that? Twice she’s had notification teams at her door, Mom. Twice. She’s buried her dad. We buried Will, and she almost buried me. How much more do I have a right to ask of her? At what point does me pushing her away become a mercy? She told me I’m breaking her, so how long until I destroy the one thing I love most?”
“What you two have is something I’ve never seen, never been lucky enough to have. You don’t let that just walk out. I’m incredibly proud of the man you are, Josh, never more so than the way you love December. But I’ll kick your ass from here to the Colorado border if you don’t pull your shit together.”
Our eyes locked and I knew she’d do it. “What’s inside me, it’s ugly.”
“You let her decide what’s ugly. You owe her that much.”
Let her go, my conscience screamed at me, but my heart couldn’t contemplate a life without her in it, not when she was the reason it beat in the first place. “Okay, let me find a flight.”
She tilted her head. “You have fifteen minutes to pack. You’re on the one p.m. flight into Eagle County.”
“What?”
“She’ll be in Breckenridge, at their cabin. That’s where her mother is sending her.”
“You talked to her mother and already booked a flight?”
She peered at me over her coffee. “Not all of us sleep in like seventeen-year-old boys.”
I let the jibe slip. “You’re not mad that I’m leaving? I’ve only been here a few days.”
She smiled at me. “I just needed to see you, Josh. Every time you’re hurt I can’t seem to breathe until I lay eyes on you. I’ve done that now, and don’t need to hover, or tend you like a nurse. I need you to go be the man I raised, so you don’t lose me my daughter…or my future grandbabies.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I stood from the table.
“And Josh?”
I turned at the doorway.
“Make arrangements for that damn Ducati or it becomes my bonfire.”
I gave a single nod. “Done.”
Everything was ready. Or, at least, I hoped it was.
I’d gotten to the cabin two hours ago, parked my rental in the driveway, located the hide-a-key, and stocked the place with groceries for the next three days. That was all the time we had, but damned if I wasn’t going to use every minute of it.
The sound of tires crunching the gravel of the driveway sent my pulse racing. What if she was pissed that I was here? What if she refused to talk to me? What if I’d already blown it?
While my heart was telling me to get a grip, that this was Ember, my head had spun off into the twilight zone of insecurity and was in no hurry to bring its ass back to reality.
What if she really was better off, and I was just prolonging the inevitable? As hard as I tried, I couldn’t get Rizzo’s whole stance out of my head. Maybe he was right, and I’d done Ember the biggest injustice simply by falling in love with her.
Shut the fuck up. Open the door and fight for your woman.
My hand turned the knob before my head was ready, and then I stepped out onto the porch. The dying afternoon light caught in her hair, illuminating the strands of red like a flame as her mouth hung open just a fraction, her eyes wide. “Josh?”
I leaned on the heavy porch railing, my arms aching to hold her but knowing I needed her to come the rest of the way on her own. “Hi.” That’s the best you have?
“How did you know where I’d be?” Her footsteps were light as she came up the wooden steps.
“My mom called your mom and the rest is…” I gestured between us with my hands.
“Ahh.” She nodded, biting her lip. Her eyes dropped to her toes, and those four feet that separated us felt like a giant canyon.
Not for long.
“I’m an asshole,” I said, very matter-of-fact, and her head snapped up.
“Josh, no…well, maybe a little.”
“How’s Gus?”
“He’s already given us a list of A-list actors who have broken their noses. He says it gives him character.” She smiled but still held herself away from me. The distance between us, physical and emotional, was killing me.
I moved toward her and cradled her face in my hands. Her skin was unbelievably soft as I stroked my thumbs up her cheekbones. “Are you mad that I’m here?”
“No,” she whispered. “Embarrassed, a little, but never mad.”