She picked up the pencil off my notebook and twirled it. “Yes.”
“So you take it out on Grayson, which is why I don’t like you. Valid. But you don’t like me because I have the audacity to love your brother.”
“I watched him pray for a miracle. For years, at her bedside, he begged. Now he has his miracle. She’s here, and he’s throwing it away…for you. You’re the instrument of his ruin, and if you really loved him, you’d be unselfish and let him go. But you won’t, will you? You’ll make him suffer, torn between the two of you so that you can hold onto him a little longer.”
Selfish. She hit the nail on the head with an accuracy that exposed every one of my nerves. “He wants to be with me.”
My soul ached, all my deepest insecurities laid bare in front of the last person I would ever want to display them for.
She looked at me, all traces of menace and snark gone. “Just do me a favor. While she’s here, watch them. See how they fit together, complement each other. Really pay attention to them, and when you do, you’ll see it.”
“What?” I asked, my voice cracking.
“His future. Their future. He wants to be with you, yes. But he loves her. It’s his happiness in your hands, Sam. Let him go.” She patted my knee like I was a dog, and left me alone with a heart that was slowly ripping itself in two.
In the middle of the night, Grayson came into my bed, sneaking like we were teenagers. My laughter didn’t last past the first kiss. He made love to me like we had forever, lingering, savoring, promising me things with his body that I wasn’t sure his heart was capable of.
God, I wanted so badly to believe it.
We fell asleep in a tangle of limbs, and when the sun rose, he kissed me gently and snuck back downstairs to the couch as quietly as possible.
Like we’d done something wrong. Dirty.
I scrubbed myself clean in the shower, and as I came out into the hallway in my bathrobe, I startled and stepped back so Grayson could pass with Grace in his arms.
He shot me a longing look, but that was it.
“Good morning, Sam!” Grace called back over his shoulder as they headed toward the stairs. Her hair was perfectly mussed, and her eyes joyful as Grayson jumped the last two steps to the landing. They both laughed.
She makes him laugh.
Dazed, I walked back into my bedroom and stared at my bed. The extra pillow still smelled like him, and I held it to me for a few moments. Then I ripped every piece of linen off the bed and threw it in a pile by the door for the laundry.
What had I done? I’d moved to Alabama. Gotten a job. Gotten into a college, even as small as it was. I thought I’d grown, changed, evolved, but I hadn’t. I’d made over everything about my life except the most important part: me.
It had almost been a year, and I was still in the same place I’d been in Colorado, in a sideline relationship with another woman’s man.
And for the first time, I felt every bit the whore those emails called me.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Grayson
A pencil smacked me on the back of the head. “Pay attention,” Jagger hissed.
Holy shit, I’d been lost in my own thoughts for the better part of ten minutes. I scrolled furiously through the notes, trying to catch up to where the instructor was now. How the hell had I let myself get so distracted? Oh, yeah, because I had three women at my house right now. One who thought I was still dating her, one who was pretending I wasn’t, and one I generally wanted to stick on the fastest plane out of here.
And I loved them all.
We were starting night training on Monday, it wasn’t like I could slack off now. I blocked out every thought except the academics in front of me and paid attention. Helicopters, I understood. They were machines that did what you told them to, excluding external variables.
It was the external variables that fucked you up.
I somehow made it through class without dazing off again. “Earth to Grayson, you with me?” Jagger asked as we headed to the parking lot.
“I’m here.”
“Good, because I need your help,” he said as he climbed into the passenger side of my truck. Why didn’t we drive separately? I could have stopped into the gym and seen Sam. Grace left tonight, and I was so fucking sick of sneaking around. I loved Sam, and I shouldn’t have to hide it.
But she’d told me to. What a fucked-up situation.
I went to text her and swore when I saw my phone was dead.
“Masters!” Jagger waved his hand.
“Sorry¸ I’m a little distracted.”
“You think? Do you want me to drive?” he asked as I pulled onto the road.
“No.”
“Okay, because I’d really hate to die before I got the chance to ask Paisley to move in.”
“That’s right,” I said, driving home carefully as Jagger went into extreme details on proposal planning. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was carrying around the latest issue of Alabama Bride in his pubs bag.
“So do you think you can help?” he asked as I pulled into the driveway.
“Absolutely.” He was the closest thing I had to a brother, of course I was going to help.
“Sweet,” he said, swinging to the ground and shutting the door. “I’m off to her house, so wish me luck!”
“Good luck!” I saluted, and headed inside.
“Hi, Port,” Grace called from the couch. Her eyes were half open.
“Hey, Starboard. Were you napping?” I shut the door softly behind me.