“Let him in, Josh,” Sam said quietly from inside her room.
“Can I hit him first?”
My eyes narrowed, but he looked unapologetic.
“No,” she responded. “Just let him in. I’ll be fine.”
“I’ll be downstairs,” he said to her, looking straight at me.
“I’m the guy who turned himself in with you for that fucking polar bear, Walker. You really think I’d hurt her like this on purpose?”
“I don’t care about the why, only that you did.” He stepped to the side, and I headed into her room.
She’d pulled down a suitcase and two large duffels onto the bed and was stuffing them with her clothes.
“Where are you going?”
“Away from you,” she answered, pulling another stack of clothes from the closet and shoving them into the suitcase, hangers and all.
“That was not what it looked like, and yes, I know how cliché that sounds.”
“You’re right, it is cliché. Then again so was walking in on you and your girlfriend. God, I’m so fucking stupid. I knew. I knew! And I still let it happen.”
“Stop, Samantha. Talk to me.”
She spun, the streaming tears only making the green of her eyes brighter. Misery was etched on every line of her face. “What is the point?”
“You can’t leave. Not like this.”
“Then how? Maybe the next time when I walk in to see your girlfriend wearing your sweater? Then your boxers? Your mouth?”
“She kissed me. I stopped it!”
She clapped. “Bravo. Extra points for stopping it after you obviously let her onto your lap and into your arms.”
Shit. She’s right. “You’re right. God, Sam. You’re right. I should have stopped her when she laid across my lap while I read to her. I should have told her about us right then.”
“I shouldn’t have asked you to wait,” she said, then pressed her lips together as more tears fell.
“We both made mistakes, and we handled this all wrong. Let me get her back to North Carolina, and we’ll figure this out between us.”
She shook her head. “There’s no us. We’re done.”
My breath rushed like I’d been punched. It hurt. Fuck, did it hurt. I blinked, half expecting to see Sam holding my ripped-out heart in her hand.
“I didn’t kiss her!”
“I believe you.”
My mouth opened and closed a couple times, unable to find the words. “Then what the hell are you doing?”
“Just because you didn’t kiss her today doesn’t mean it won’t happen. I’ve sat here for three days and watched you with her. You guys touch each other without noticing. Yesterday at dinner, she drank your sweet tea when hers was gone. You didn’t blink, just took a sip and put it back next to her plate!”
I tried to breathe. “I guess I fell into old habits.”
“And how long until you fall back into the habit of sleeping with her? You’ve loved her your whole life, you told me so.”
“I wouldn’t sleep with her. That would never happen.” I reached for Sam, and she stepped back, bumping into her dresser.
“Well, this morning I would have said that you’d never kiss her, either. And last week, I would have said that she wouldn’t be sleeping in your bed. Do you not see the progression? How stupid do I have to be to stay and watch this happen? Do I need to wait until you accidentally put a ring on her finger?” She let loose a self-deprecating laugh that I instantly loathed. “Then again, with my track record, a ring probably wouldn’t stop me. I’d still let you fuck me while your wife slept across the hall and you snuck out at sunrise.”
“Sam…”
“Because that’s what you do to me. How crazy I am for you—how much I love you. I would sacrifice everything about myself to have those moments with you. I know because I’m already doing it. And I’m worth so much more than that!” She sobbed the last sentence, and I died a little more.
“You are worth everything.”
She shook her head. “But you can’t give me everything. There will always be a part of you that belongs to her.”
“That’s not true. You have me.” If anything, the last few days had only made that clearer.
“Oh my God, look at your life! Everything you’ve done has been for her. The constant flights home. This driving need you have to be top of the OML so you get your first-choice duty station. Fighting for North Carolina so you can be closer to her. I grew up in the army, Grayson, and I know that there’s not that many people requesting North Carolina, but you’re killing yourself on the off-chance you have to beat someone out. All. For. Her. There’s no room for me.”
“How can there be room, when you have one foot out the door at all times?” I fired back.
“Would you stay? Just waiting to be broken down little by little? Watch your heart shrivel and die when you see phone calls, and text messages, and accidental kisses?”
“For you, I would endure hell.” Fire. Damnation. All of it. Without question.
“Grayson, I love you too much to ever ask you to, and therein lies the difference.”
My hands ripped over my hair, desperate for a grip on anything at this point. “Do not do this. Do not leave me. I will get on my knees if that’s what you need, but don’t give up on us.”