“But why?” Emma asked, sounding puzzled. “You have a baby together and you’re crazy about each other. Why the secret wedding?”
“It didn’t really start out that way,” Gwen replied. “I’ve felt married to Dom since the day we told each other how we felt. We had so much going on trying to get a bigger place before the baby was born and preparing for his arrival that I couldn’t take on anything else. Then Dom told me one evening that he really wanted for us to be married before Cameron was born. I had no idea that it bothered him. So we got our marriage license the next day and went to the courthouse to make it official. We planned to have a big party and announce it then, but um . . . we’re still planning that party.”
“That’s a little whacked,” Emma inserted but softened the sting by laughing. “You ladies can rest assured, when I marry my stud, you’ll all know well ahead of time and you better damn well be there. I’m going to pick out some of the ugliest bridesmaids dresses you’ve ever seen and you’re all wearing them.” Pointing at Ava, she added, “You’ll be getting the bubblegum pink one with all the lace as my matron of honor.”
Ava, who was always impeccably dressed, visibly shuddered. “I guess I just assumed you’d plan something like a hog roast where you and my brother would wear overalls and grab each other’s crotches as you said, ‘I do.’”
The first margarita spray of the evening occurred when Ella spewed hers all over the table, and then begin frantically attempting to wipe it up. “Um, sorry about that,” she muttered. Then she slid her hand across to give Ava a high five. “Man, that was a good one.”
Even Emma, who had been the subject of the joke, couldn’t contain her laughter. “I don’t know about the hog part,” she gasped out, “but I’ll certainly have a handful of some part of Brant. I mean, Ava, have you actually stopped to look at your brothers?” Nodding at Ella, she added, “Chuckles over there is married to a man with that brooding, intense thing going on. And now, more often than not, he’s carrying his daughter around, which is holy freaking hot.”
Ella raised her glass saying, “Hear, hear!”
“Damn, I’ve missed you crazy bitches,” Suzy muttered contently. Far from offending anyone, her comment was received by the entire group like a compliment. To be appreciated and accepted by Suzy Merimon was no small thing. She was outspoken and never bothered to temper her words for anyone. She would always be the coolest kid on the playground. The one all the other kids would gravitate toward and hope to become a part of her inner circle.
“I know we’re not supposed to mention it, but how’s the pregnancy treating you?” Beth asked her sister. “Please don’t throw anything at me!” She ducked playfully before grinning at Suzy.
Suzy rolled her eyes as if she’d been expecting the question. “Well, you know that whole pregnancy glow thing?” When everyone nodded, she deadpanned, “It’s actually just gas.”
“Ugh!” Mia gagged. “Women aren’t supposed to admit to stuff like that. It totally kills our mysterious allure.”
“Wait until you have a kid lodged up in there,” Suzy warned. “I spent the first three months scared out of my mind that I’d miscarry, but this last month, I’ve relaxed enough that all of the gross stuff is finally getting through to me. For a while, something as simple as a gas pain sent me into a damn panic attack. Now I know I need to find some private place away from Gray and let ’er rip.”
Claire, Beth, and Gwen were laughing so hard, Lydia was afraid they would fall out of their chairs at any moment. Having children themselves, apparently they understood where Suzy was coming from. Claire even managed to choke out, “Boy, do I remember that. Jason and I hadn’t been together that long and then I was pregnant. So stuff like that really embarrassed me. The few times it slipped out, he’d be all cool about it, but I just knew he was thinking to himself, ‘Steer clear of her tonight!’”
“Yeah, it’s kind of a tough combination with the whole horniness so you’re panting after anything with a pecker,” Beth added. “I’d be wrestling Nick to the floor and have my hand in his pants before—”
“Must we talk about my brother-in-law?” Suzy gagged. “I’ve been lucky enough to avoid a lot of morning sickness, but you’re making me want to hurl.”
“I’m pretty sure that Dominic thought that was the best part of my pregnancy,” Gwen piped in. “Even when I felt as big as a house, I still drooled when he walked into a room.”
“Honey, everyone has a little saliva overload when he’s around.” Emma winked.
“Anyway,” Suzy continued, “there’s the gas, and yes, as you’ve said, I’ve been as horny as a whore at an all-girls’ school.” When a wave of laughter met her last statement, she shook her head and said, “You all really need to get out more. So, as I was saying, my tits hurt, it takes me like ten attempts to go poop, but I can pee every other minute. Everything I eat gives me heartburn, and I want to eat all the damn time. I made Gray go through the McDonald’s drive-thru last night so I could have a freaking snack on the way to dinner. I actually ate a cheeseburger before we got to the restaurant for our actual meal. And probably one of the weirdest things is I love to smell car exhaust now. No shit, I’ll be at a red light behind a big old monster truck and those fumes will be like flipping nirvana.” Shaking her head, she added, “That’s completely whacked.”
“Wait until you get a case of hemorrhoids.” Claire grinned. “That’s when the real fun begins.”
“Oh, hell no,” Suzy huffed out. “There is nothing else weird going on with this ass. I’m already at capacity for crazy stuff right now.” Groaning, she looked around the table and demanded, “Someone talk intercourse, please. I’ve never even enjoyed a good fart joke, so this stuff is killing me.”