He bit into a chocolate and vanilla that Kelly-Lee had put out for him. He hadn’t protested, even though after the lunch he’d just had, he’d have put money on not eating again for about a week. It wasn’t bad – a little sweet for his taste, and it didn’t have the warm, fresh out-of-the-oven taste that Issy’s cakes had. But that was fine; good in fact. Maybe she could come over here and make them even better! She would like that.
‘Send a dozen,’ he said boldly, thinking he was behaving like a New Yorker already. Kelly-Lee took down the address and promised to call it through.
‘Well, I’m so glad you like us!’ she said, smiling at him appealingly. But it was wasted on Austin. Sitting back after his second bite of the cupcake, in the cosy, familiar-seeming fug, he had fallen straight into a deep sleep.
Chapter Six
Recipe for a Bad Cupcake
2 cups bleached flour
2 cups corn syrup
1 cup partially hydrogenated soybean and cottonseed oil
1 cup sugar
1 tspn dextrose
water
½ cup high fructose corn syrup
½ cup whey powder
1 egg
1 tbsp soy lecithin (emulsifier)
1 tbsp corn starch
pinch salt
1 tsp sodium aluminium phosphate baking soda
3 drops white colouring
1 tsp citric acid
½ tsp sorbic acid
Send through machine. Bake for 20 minutes until partially cooked. Freeze until needed fully cooked, then zap for 10 minutes at high temperature.
Back in London, Issy unwrapped the box in disbelief.
‘What the heck?’
Under the ribbon on the green box was emblazoned the large flower-embossed logo of a huge, internationally successful cupcake chain. And sure enough, inside was a selection of a dozen cupcakes in different flavours. They did look, it was fair to say, absolutely exquisite, all perfectly piped, and decorated with glitter, tiny stars and iridescent raspberry dust.
‘Wow,’ said Caroline. ‘They are so chic. Look at the attention to detail.’
‘That’s because they’re made in a factory,’ said Issy darkly. ‘You need a few wonky ones here and there to know they’re home-made.’
‘Why would he send you those?’ said Helena. ‘I don’t understand. Are you sure they’re from him?’
‘Yes, look,’ said Issy.
The card said, ‘To Issy from Austin’. No kisses, nothing. It was very strange. It was less strange if you knew that Kelly-Lee had had only the barest of details to go on when she called in the order over the head of a profoundly fast asleep Austin. And possibly an ulterior motive when it came to not putting kisses on the card.
Issy shook her head. ‘But why would he? I don’t understand.’
‘Maybe he’s trying to show you they have better cupcakes,’ said Caroline, helpfully.
‘Maybe he’s the least imaginative gift-giver ever and knows you like cupcakes,’ said Helena. ‘I mean, come on, he works in a bank. He’s hardly going to be a super-romantic soul, is he?’
‘He’s perfectly romantic,’ said Issy, going slightly pink. ‘When he wants to be, and when he isn’t running late or too busy or just generally a bit distracted because Darny’s playing up.’
They all stared at the open box.
‘Ooh, are those your new range?’ said a customer. ‘They look amazing.’
Chadani cruised over from the sofa, stuck a podgy little paw into the box and started smooshing the cakes all up together. For once, Issy didn’t think Helena needed to say anything to her, which was just as well, as Helena was watching her daughter admiringly, as if feeling sorry for anyone whose baby wasn’t as good at bashing up cakes as hers.
Pearl came past carrying a pile of empty dishes. She sniffed.
‘What are you three all hanging around for?’ she said.
‘Austin has gone completely insane,’ said Caroline. ‘He’s obviously trying to put Issy off him for some reason. Don’t worry,’ she said, touching Issy on the arm. ‘I know break-ups can be messy. My divorce was just horrible. Awful. So I can help you through this.’
Normally Issy could laugh Caroline off, but this really was a bit odd. She bit her bottom lip. Pearl noticed immediately.
‘Oh for goodness’ sake stop being a big bunch of divs,’ she said. ‘He’s thinking about you. Obviously.’
‘But why send something so insulting?’ said Issy.
‘Because he’s a man,’ said Pearl. ‘I said he was being thoughtful. I didn’t say he wasn’t being a total and utter idiot.’
‘Hmm,’ said Issy. ‘I think I am going to go and knead some panettone.’
Pearl and Caroline exchanged glances.
‘You do that,’ said Pearl.
Issy turned to go downstairs. Then she turned back. She sighed crossly.
‘Well, I’d better try them, I suppose.’
She broke a bit off one of the big sparkly ones in the middle. It did look immaculate, there was no doubt about that; all the cupcakes perfectly even and exactly the same height. She took a bite and her nose wrinkled up.
‘Oh, yuck,’ she said.
‘I think they say “gross” in America,’ reproved Caroline.
‘Too sugary,’ Issy pronounced. ‘And they’re not using all butter. You can tell. There’s a horrible oily aftertaste. That means industrial quantities, not hand-milled. This is raspberry extract, not real raspberry. And the crumb is too dense. Bleurgh.’
‘There you go,’ said Pearl. ‘He obviously sent them to you to point out your clear superiority over them.’
‘Or else he can’t tell the difference,’ said Issy, worried.
‘Or perhaps he thinks these are better,’ said Caroline, who always managed to go one worse than everybody else.
‘Thanks, Caroline,’ said Pearl pointedly. Issy turned away and stomped down the steps to the cellar bakery.
Doti the postman was finishing off his Christmas round outside the Cupcake Café. He liked to come to them last, especially on cold days. Partly because he had a sweet tooth, and partly because he had a soft spot for Pearl and liked to flirt with her. Pearl had Benjamin to contend with, but liked Doti very much.
Today, however, Doti was with someone else, a definite first. She was, Pearl noticed, rather pretty, in her thirties, long dark hair tied back in a ponytail, large hooped gold earrings and very white teeth. It was hard to tell what her figure was like in the unflattering postal uniform and fluorescent vest, but Pearl was putting money on pleasantly curvaceous. She sniffed. They were laughing together as they jangled through the door.