Under the weight of all the emotion, I had trouble standing up. I leaned against the door of the car to stay upright. What should I say? I wanted to run into his arms and bury my face in his chest and flee the scene all at the same time. How did he find me? Why was he here?
“Hunter . . . ”
His name caught in my throat and came out half-mumbled. I tried again to say it more clearly but found I couldn’t keep my voice steady. I didn’t want to burst into tears. Not now. Not yet.
His glimmering eyes met mine, a boyish smile tinged with sadness crinkling his face. “Hey,” he said quietly.
I bit my lip, casting my eyes downward.
Uncle Stewart cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Looks like you kids have a lot to talk about. I’ll be inside with your aunt.”
He gave a curt nod to Hunter before walking into the house. I watched Uncle Stewart leaving with a mixed feeling of relief and dread. Aunt Caroline gave me a smile and encouraging nod.
Hunter and I would be alone. We were finally getting a chance to talk. Before I left Studsen, I thought that this was what I wanted, but now that the moment was here, I wanted desperately to run away.
I swallowed and took a shuddering breath. Lips trembling, I tried again. “Hunter, I—”
It felt like my throat was swollen, and I just couldn’t get the rest of the words out. Warm tears welled in my eyes, streaking down my face.
Hunter took a few long strides and was suddenly in front of me, enveloping me in his scent. His arms wrapped around me tightly and held me to his body.
The familiarity of being in his embrace drove spikes of pain and regret through my heart. I pushed him away gently after a moment and searched his eyes.
Hunter brought the back of his hand up to my face, tenderly smearing away the wetness. “I’m sorry for this,” he said, his voice choked with emotion. “I’m sorry I made you so upset. Please give me a chance. I—I know I don’t deserve it.”
Words started tumbling out of my mouth, tripping over each other. “I’m sorry,” I slurred, the tears falling faster. “I’m so sorry . . . I wanted to stay and talk and I went to your place and then I waited but—”
He held on to me tighter and I buried my face into his soft hoodie again.
“I never meant to leave you like that after your fight,” I continued. “I failed all my classes and I was confused and I didn’t know what to do but you weren’t there and then Gary said . . . ”
Hunter held me close, rocking me slightly, not saying anything. My tears dampened the fabric of his hoodie, spreading to form a large wet spot. I could feel the warmth of his body seeping through his clothing, enveloping me.
His voice rumbled softly through his chest, like low thunder. “It wasn’t your fault. I shoulda been there for you, I shoulda told you what was going on but . . . I just—”
He sighed and shook his head.
I held onto him for a moment longer and then looked up into his face. His eyes were bright, even though his face was battered.
“Can we walk a bit?” he asked.
I nodded, sniffling and still recovering from the shock of seeing him. The pulse pounding through my ears was almost deafening. There were so many questions running through my head, so much I didn’t understand.
Why had he come out of the hospital with Ada? Had he been hurt? How come he didn’t tell me? Why had Hunter been fighting the day I left Studsen? Was it because of the breakup letter I left him? If it was, then why was he being so sweet to me now?
Hunter grabbed my hand and we walked down the path behind Aunt Caroline’s house, which led to a light wooded area. The sensation of his skin against mine jolted through me and almost led to another fresh round of tears. Touching him was a painful reminder of what we had lost, but I didn’t want to pull my hand away.
We continued walking slowly in silence for a while until we were deeper into the woods. The mid-afternoon sunlight streamed through the trees, making patterns on the ground. The leaves on the trees were budding fresh for springtime, and there was a chill in the air. It almost reminded me of the area around Lake Teewee where I had first met Hunter.
He looked over at me and smiled sadly. His lips parted as if to say something, but he shook his head and looked away. It was stupid, but my eyes immediately flicked to his lips, wanting to feel them on mine again. I blinked away the stinging in my eyes.
It broke my heart to have him treat me so well after how things between us had ended. I wanted him to yell at me, to blame me, to hate me. At least that would have been easier to understand.
We finally stopped at a clearing. Hunter let go of my hand and sat down on a small rock. I sat down on the larger one opposite him. Our knees were only inches apart, and the slight warmth of his legs against mine made me anxious.
“Gary said you came to the fight,” he said. “I guess you saw everything, huh?”
Thinking about the fight was painful. Images of Hunter’s broken body falling to the mat flashed through my mind. I closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath, refusing to let myself cry. “I saw the end of it. Why did you take that fight last minute? Gary said it was my fault.”
A tortured mix of emotions contorted his face. “No, it was my fault. I thought I’d lost you and needed to take out my anger. I thought I could take the guy and didn’t really care if I couldn’t. I wanted to try. Needed to.”
My vision blurred as fresh tears came to my eyes. I blinked them away. “I’m sorry I left, Hunter, but I—I just couldn’t stay in Studsen anymore.”
“I don’t blame you for leaving the way you did. After the dumbass way I handled things, I don’t blame you at all.”
I didn’t say anything. Maybe he didn’t blame me, but I was at least partially responsible. I let out a deep breath and the air fogged lightly in front of me. Hunter didn’t say anything, but I didn’t know what else to say either. My fingers tingled with anxiety. I knew he didn’t drive to Indiana to take a walk with me. We sat in silence, listening to the sporadic chirping of birds.
After a while he exhaled sharply and shifted on the rock he was perched on. “Listen Lorrie, that day when you saw Ada and I coming outta the hospital, I wasn’t trying to avoid you.”
I looked away from him, remembering the frustration I had felt that day. “I waited at your place for hours, Hunter.”
When I turned back to him, his face looked pained. “I went to look for you and I couldn’t find you, so I freaked out,” he said, his eyes searching mine. “Then I went over to Gary’s to talk about what to do, and we ended up getting wasted.”
I shook my head in disbelief. It was so stupid. I was waiting in his apartment for him and he was out looking for me everywhere else. Then, rather than come home, he got drunk with his friend. “Okay, fine, but why were you in the hospital with Ada in the first place? Did something happen to you? Are you—are you okay?”
“Huh? Yeah, I’m fine.” Hunter’s grey eyes darted to me and then away. His shoulders were tense as he took a deep breath and bent over to pick up a thin twig from the ground. “I mean . . . well, no. Not exactly.”
My throat thickened. Not exactly? What did that mean? Hunter played with the twig, drawing lines in the soft peat, still avoiding eye contact. I waited patiently, watching him, while my mind raced through thousands of improbable scenarios.