Then we come to the gate, with the pointed flower that breaks open as the gate parts to allow us through.
Just like that. And then we’re off the property. There are more trees, and then suddenly there’s a city. Bright lights and blurs of people laughing and talking. It’s a wealthier place than where I come from, by the looks of it, and money has given these people the illusion of time. Maybe they’re hoping for an antidote to save them, or maybe they’re just happy to have a comfortable home to return to. There are no traces of desperation, no panhandling orphans. Instead I see a woman in a pink dress doubled over with laugher in front of a cinema that’s displaying its movies’ titles on a giant illuminated marquee. I can smell fast food and fresh concrete and the stench of an irrigation pipe somewhere far off.
It’s a shock. It’s like landing on Mars, but also like coming home.
We drive past a harbor, and it’s not exactly like the one in Manhattan. There’s a sandy beach dissolving into the water, and plenty of docks where sailboats are tied for the night, swaying to the rhythm of the sea.
Linden is guiding me back inside, telling me I’ll catch pneumonia. For a second I don’t care, but then I think if I get pneumonia, he’ll never let me leave the house again.
I’m already lucky to be out now, given how worried he was while my broken bones healed. Vaughn had to convince him that I was as strong as an ox (like his dead son, I thought when I heard the comparison) before Linden considered taking me out tonight.
I settle back in the heated seat and let Linden close the windows, and I watch the city through the subdued tint of the glass. This isn’t so bad. Linden pours me a glass of champagne and we clink our glasses together.
I’ve had alcohol once before, a few years ago when I fell off the roof while Rowan and I were trying to repair a leak. I dislocated my shoulder and Rowan gave me a dusty bottle of vodka from the basement to help with the pain as he set my shoulder back in place.
But this is different, bubbly and light. It warms my stomach, where the vodka had burned.
I let Linden put his arm around me. It’s something a first wife would do. He’s rigid for a while, and then he seems to relax a little. He picks up one of my curls—all over-sprayed and conditioned and treated to last the evening—and winds his finger around it. I wonder how Rose wore her hair when he took her out.
We finish the last of our champagne, and he takes the empty glass from my hand and tells me there will be more at the expo. He tells me there will be lots of toasts and attendants carrying glasses of wine on trays. “After the alcohol came to be too much, Rose would only pretend to take sips. I think she was getting an attendant to serve her empty glasses to help the illusion.” He looks away, to the traffic outside the window, looking like he regrets what he said.
I put my hand on his knee and gently say, “That’s good. What else would she do?”
He purses his lips, ventures a glance at me. “She laughed at everything anyone said, and she looked at their eyes when they spoke. And she was always smiling. At the end of the night, when it was just us, she said her cheeks hurt from all the smiling.”
Smile. Look interested. Pretend to drink. And shine like a star, I add to the list, because it also seems like something Rose would have done. As we get closer to our des-tination, I feel myself entering her world. I feel like her replacement, which is what she said to me on the day we met, and I hadn’t wanted to believe it then. But now, with the warmth from the leather seats and the sweet smell of Linden’s aftershave, being her replacement doesn’t seem so bad. Though this is only temporary, of course.
I take a moment to remind myself that the vibrant city outside is not my city, that these people are strangers. That my brother isn’t here. He’s alone somewhere, waiting for me. While I’m gone, there’s no one to keep watch while he sleeps. And the thought brings up a bitter wave of anxiety sloshing in the champagne in my stomach, but I force myself to calm down before I vomit.
The only way I can return to him is if I pull this thing off, however long it takes.
We come to a tall white building with a large velvet bow over the double doors. As we step out of the limo, I see the same velvet bows on streetlights and storefronts.
There’s a man dressed as Santa Claus ringing a bell while people drop money into a red bucket as his feet.
“They’re getting ready for the winter solstice early this year,” Linden says casually.
I haven’t celebrated a solstice since I was twelve.
Rowan thought spending money on gifts and wasting time decorating was too impractical. When we were children, our parents would decorate the house with red bows and cardboard snowmen, and all through December there was always the smell of something wonderful and sweet baking in the kitchen. My father would play sheet music from a centuries-old book entitled Christmas Classics, even though nobody has called it Christmas since before his time. And on the solstice, the shortest day of the year, our parents would give us gifts. Things they’d made, mostly—my mother was an excellent seamstress and my father could make anything from wood.
Without them our little tradition died. Winter for my brother and me was nothing more than the worst season for beggars in Manhattan. We would have boarded up the windows by now to discourage any orphans who might try to find respite from the blustery cold. The cold there is brutal and violent. Snow piled up to our doorknob, and we’d be up at dawn some mornings carving our way to freedom so we could make it to work. We’d drag the cot closer to the furnace and still be able to see our breath in front of our faces.