“You sure you’re okay?” Albie asked me again gently. “We can go if you’ve had enough?” It was only then that I realised that Albie had left his hand on my back the whole time.
I forced a smile, and reassured him once again that I was fine. Call me a glutton for punishment, but I just couldn’t bring myself to leave yet. Ryan came storming back into the room soon after and his hair looked crazy, like he’d just spent the last half hour pulling on it.
“Right, boys,” he called out, “who’s up for shots?”
“Shit,” Albie whispered. “Clearly things didn’t go well with Nikki. Shots this early means he’s getting shitfaced tonight, which means I’m getting shitfaced. We’ve got practice tomorrow afternoon so our coach is going to hand me my arse.”
“You don’t have to get drunk with him,” I pointed out.
“Of course, I do.” He smiled. “We’re mates.”
This was where my understanding of the team sport mentality fell short. Just because one of them was doing something stupid, didn’t mean they all had to do it. In my mind, that made them seem less like mates and more like lemmings. I probably wasn’t being fair. I knew little about friendship, and Albie seemed like a nice guy. Maybe solidarity was part of the mix. I let them herd me into the kitchen, but politely declined the offer of a tequila shot. I was nauseous just thinking about what O’Connell was doing. Any alcohol to hit my stomach would come straight back up, and the bathroom was most definitely occupied. Having finished the shots, the boys busied themselves with lining up the next run, while Ryan leant against the cabinet drinking something nasty looking. I really did feel for him, getting the blame of his reputation when I knew he’d done nothing wrong. I gave him a small smile of encouragement when he caught my eye, and he gave me a sad smile in return. We were both having our own pity party; only mine was alcohol-free and less hardcore than I feared Ryan’s would be. I hoped Nikki wasn’t too upset, but I didn’t feel quite brave enough to wander around the house looking for her. If people were using the downstairs bathroom for quickies, heaven only knew what they were using the rest of the house for. The hallway called to me, and although I couldn’t see the bathroom door from the kitchen, I carried on staring into the abyss. Even the fantasy of the two of us together had been a fucking joke. I knew that being with O’Connell was never seriously a prospect, but when we were alone together, I’d allowed myself to buy into the idea. If there was ever any doubt before, he’d made it clear tonight that a friend was all I’d ever be. Maybe that had been his intention. He’d seen me getting a little starry eyed and wanted to set me straight before I was disillusioned any further. If so, he’d succeeded. I looked around the kitchen, and I’d never felt so alone. I wanted to be a part of life instead of a spectator. But I was fucking kidding myself, thinking the party had been the way to do it. Even here, where I believed that no one would hurt me, I couldn’t help the rising panic when I saw the guys doing shots. Half an hour later and the boys were completely trashed. I figured I’d about paid my dues at this party when Nikki sidled up next to me and gently bumped my hip.
“You okay?” I asked quietly.
“I’m good,” she answered. “Ryan just makes it pretty obvious why we shouldn’t be together, that’s all.”
“He didn’t do anything, you know. I’m pretty sure he was telling that girl that he wasn’t interested,” I tried to reassure her.
“I know, he told me. It’s just that up until recently, he’d have been all over her and behind her there’d be a girl just like her waiting for a turn. A long time ago, I really liked him, and he turned me down. Now he’s decided that I’m it for him, and he’s trying to show me that he’s a changed man. To be honest, I don’t get it. I’m the same girl I always was, but he’s treating me like I’m God’s gift to men, and I have no idea why. It’s easier just to think of him as an arsehole, because the alternative is exhausting. Anyway, how are you doing?” she asked.
“I’m having a great time,” I lied, “but I’ve got an early shift tomorrow, so I’m going to make a move in a few minutes.”
“Ah, Em,” she whined, “don’t go. I know I haven’t been great company, but stay and I promise you’ll have a better time.”
I didn’t remind her that for nearly two hours, she’d been no company at all. After all, she didn’t hesitate to lend me these beautiful clothes or help me with my hair and makeup, so the least that I could do was try to be a more grateful.
“It’s fine, Nikki, really. I haven’t been to a party in a really long time, and it’s been great. But if I don’t leave soon, I’ll never make it to work tomorrow, and I really need the money.”
“You’re going?” Albie asked between shots. He threw his arm around Nikki’s shoulders, and I suspected it was the only way he could stay standing.
“Aren’t you glad you came?” he slurred, amusingly.
“I am. You were right to talk me into it.”
I thought about how it felt, watching O’Connell walk away with that girl, and a wave of sadness swept over me. Despite that, a bit of me meant what I said. I was happy that I’d been brave enough to try the experience. I just wasn’t in a hurry to repeat it. At least, now I could say that I’d been to at least one party while I was here.
“I’ll see you guys at school,” I offered, as I made a move. I worried about the impending showdown I was sure to face with Nikki about how I was getting home, when a deep unmistakable voice behind me said, “I’ll walk you home.”
IT TOLD ME A LOT ABOUT how sad and pathetic I was, that knowing what he’d just done and smelling her perfume still on him, I was pleased that he hadn’t forgotten me. I didn’t understand why I was so desperate to be the focus of this man’s attention, when I’d tried for so long to stay in people’s peripheral vision. Nikki and Albie stared at both of us slack jawed until Nikki recovered herself.
“Well, hello gorgeous. It’s very nice of you to offer, but we can take care of our friend.” She softened the rejection with a pretty, yet sensual pout, which I suspected was well rehearsed.
“It’s nice of you all to worry, but I can take care of myself,” I intervened with finality.