“I’ve been released from the Wild Hunt,” he said, still fingering the tattoo, “but it’s not the same thing as being free.” He dropped his hand and finally turned to look at me, his expression haunted. “I’m still tied to him, Dana. I don’t have to ride with the Hunt, but I’m his creature now and always will be.”
“I don’t understand,” I said, though I had a sneaking suspicion I actually did.
“When he bound me to the Hunt, when he put his mark on me…” Ethan touched the tattoo again. “I can’t ever disobey him. His magic won’t let me.”
With a cry of mingled despair and frustration, Ethan collapsed into his seat, letting his head come to rest on the back of the sofa. The pain in his eyes was so intense I had to look away.
“I’ve been a goddamn puppet all my life,” he said, his voice laced with a bitterness I’d never heard from him before. “I’ve always been the good son, done what my father wanted me to do. He asked me to try to win you over, even if I had to be a lying bastard to do it, and it never even occurred to me to say no.
“Then, when I actually got to know you…” He shook his head without lifting it from the back of the couch. “You’re your own person, Dana. I know your father wants to control you just like mine wants to control me, but you won’t let it happen. You make your own decisions, and you don’t let anyone push you around. I thought maybe … Maybe I could try to be like that, too. Maybe if my father asked me to do something I thought was wrong, I’d say no next time.
“You can bet he wasn’t happy with me for trying to help you leave Avalon. It’s the first time I’ve ever openly defied him like that, and it felt good. But now…” He laughed, but it wasn’t a happy sound. “Now that I finally found the guts to stand up to my father, I end up with the Erlking’s claws sunk into me so deep I’ll never get free.”
I gritted my teeth, thinking what an idiot I had been. I knew that my bargain with the Erlking had to be worded very carefully, that he would abide by it only to the letter of the law. I’d thought that freeing Ethan from the Hunt would mean freeing him from the Erlking, but now looking back I saw it for the stupid assumption it had been.
“I’m so sorry, Ethan,” I said as guilt settled heavily on my shoulders.
He sat up straight, then leaned over and put his arm around my shoulders, drawing me close to his side. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’d have been the Erlking’s slave for life if you hadn’t saved me.”
He put his other arm around me and pulled me into a hug. I went easily, resting my head against his chest and hearing the steady thump of his heart.
“I can’t help wondering how you managed to do that,” Ethan said as I cuddled against him. His arms tightened around me. “What did you have to give him, Dana?” His voice choked on the question.
I wanted to say something soothing, something to ease the guilt I heard in his voice. The truth certainly wasn’t going to do that, and if I’d been able to think of a really good lie, I’d have used it already to calm everyone down.
I guess I was quiet long enough that Ethan figured I wasn’t going to answer his question, because he let out a heavy sigh and asked another.
“Is it true, what you told Kimber? Did the Erlking put a geis on you?”
My first instinct was to lie. I’d lied about it so much already it was almost beginning to feel like the truth. But I just couldn’t do it, not when Ethan had just poured out his heart to me. I wasn’t ready to tell him the truth, but that didn’t mean I had to lie.
“There is no geis,” I confided. “Please don’t tell anyone. It’s not something I can talk about. I told everyone there was a geis so they would stop asking me.”
His chin settled on the top of my head, rubbing back and forth absently. I was still aware of the warmth of him, and of my attraction, but this contact felt more peaceful.
“Maybe what’s good for the gander is good for the goose?” he suggested gently.
I sighed. “Maybe it is, but I just can’t talk about it. Not now.” Maybe not ever, but I didn’t feel a need to share that.
“All right,” he said. “I won’t push. But if you ever want to talk, I’m here for you.”
My heart squeezed gratefully, and I knew that all my doubts and worries about Ethan were pointless. I was in too deep already, and as long as he wanted me, I would be his.
* * *
I stayed at Ethan’s for about an hour. We didn’t talk much, but we didn’t make out again, either. I’d have been disappointed, if snuggling up in his arms on the couch hadn’t felt so good all by itself. I could have stayed like that all night, but eventually I started yawning.
“We should get you home,” Ethan said, and I knew he was right. He stood, drawing me to my feet right along with him. “I still can’t believe you went traipsing around in the city all by yourself,” he said, voice tight with disapproval. “How did you get past Finn, anyway? I thought he was stationed between your suite and the door.”
Frowning, I looked up into Ethan’s face. As far as I could remember, I hadn’t ever described the setup of my safe house to him. I supposed he could be making an assumption, but it didn’t sound like it.
He read the confusion on my face and explained without me having to question him. “The Erlking knows where you live.”